Christina Clair stands relaxed, her face betraying a certain note of exasperation, as she looks at the camera man, waiting for her cue. The man behind the lens, perhaps stunned by her beauty, or more likely looking to avenge some rejection or counter her generally objectionable attitude, allows her to look foolish a moment, before giving the signal. Christina squares up slightly and begins.
I’m about to be joined by ‘Lumber’ Jill, whose asked for this time. Why she isn’t here is anyone’s guess, but maybe it’s on account of being relegated to the pre-show. Once again we’re looking down the barrel of the XWA patriarchy, and though a pitifully small barrel it is, they are determined to fuck over as many people as they can with it. I tell it like it is folks, fair or foul, and though Jill is one crazy bitch, she beat Wolverina just a few short weeks ago but has been left off the card tonight. Now far be it for me to suggest anything, but I’d say Wolfie must have some stroke with the men calling the shots.
Clair shakes her fist up and down derisively
Lumber Jill makes her appearance, catching the end of this display
Jill, welcome; you wanted this time, at least you could have been here to use it. I’ve got better things to do than wait around back here…
Don’t lie to me Christina, ‘cause whoever you’re blowin’ to stay on the payroll won’t mind if you’re doing it without a few teeth. In fact, move yer skinny ass…just leave the microphone.
Christine is about to protest, when Jill lambastes her and takes the mike from her semi-conscious grip. She motions to the inquisitive cameras…
Keep your two little eyes on me boys.
See, I don’t much care for that sort of reporting. Christina likes to piss and moan and bitch about wrestling, but she couldn’t lace Wolverina’s boots. Not right her talking about her like she’s some kinda whore…
Back in the day, well not all that long ago to be honest, I took an interest in this sport. It wasn’t on account of anyone in Maxim or Playboy, and it damn sure wasn’t because they were on some reality show. I liked wrestlers, women who could get in the ring and beat the shit outta their opponent, and Wolfie, you were the best of the bunch. Yessir, it’s no lie to say I used to watch you, and I liked what I saw. I didn’t miss my chance to be there when you took on Kahlan Clarkson, one of the dozen times. I cried…I really cried when you beat Millson and took the GHW belt…the world belt…and I cried again when I saw what they did to your daddy after.
I couldn’t sleep for a week, I had to see what happened when you confronted that masked bastard. What I got? What I got was shameful…I couldn’t watch you anymore. Big Jim and Cletus, they always say, ‘show the fatted calf, but not the thing that fattened him.’ I suppose they were right, ‘cause when I seen you and Delta in that locker room…you fuckin’ him to get a shot at the gold you lost…you lettin’ yer daddy’s murderer get the better of you, watchin’ while you done it…somethin’ switched off.
Time passed. I’m not sure where you went, or what you did, but I found two of the meanest and ugliest sons of whores I could and I trained. Then one night, I’m in this company two weeks, it’s me and Wolverina, the People’s Princess and the Lady Logger; I thought it would take years to get there. This was a moment I would have wept over once, but that night I just felt that cold thing inside of me, telling me it was time to grow up and put away childish things. When you had me in the octopus, I was scared, I’ll admit it. Were you scared when I got out? When you heard my shoulder pop, you let go pretty fast…I guess you won’t make that mistake again.
People ask me, ask me why I threw you out of the ring, why I took out your leg, why I took the count out. Well, look at it from my perspective. I wanted the fans to feel what I felt, I wanted them to see you down, and hope, like I hoped, dream, like I dreamt, that you could make it back. I wanted them to see you rise, and I wanted them to cheer so loud…until you fell…until you let them down...let me down.
Now, you’ll call me a deranged fan. You’ll say I’m not in my right mind. Hell, you might even take a note from Christina Clair and call me a crazy bitch. In the end though, it’s no different than calling you the Modern day Wonder Woman, the Paragon of Virtue or the People’s Princess. I’m not crazy…I was crazy ever to believe in you…but not any more. There are no wonders, no paragons, no princesses, just a woman, weak, withering and dying; a little more every day.
Tonight, it’s you and KP, and I wish you all the best, but win or lose, title or no, I will meet you again and when I do you’ll wish that hot iron was pressed against you, burning your flesh. I don’t need to brand you. You’ll be wearing my frustration, my anger and my utter distain for what you’ve become, all over your body. Every time the knee twinges, the leg falters, the eyes cloud, every time you get that dizzy feeling, I don’t want you to think about me. Think about you. Think about what you were and what you’ve become. Christian Cutie? Well, Even now the ax of judgment is poised, ready to sever the roots of the trees, so that every tree which fails to yield good fruit will quickly be hewn down and thrown into the fire.
Subject: PROMO | "I put away childish things" - Lumber Jill 
