"Um, excuse me, Mr. Pirate. Mind if I ask you a few questions real quick?"

Bartholomew Bloom slowly turns his head, eyeing Mike Lamar suspiciously. After thinking the situation through briefly, he gain's a big grin on his face. His eyes stay in the same suspicious pose, making his smile look more devious than anything. With his silence now awkwardly long, he decides to answer with a question of his own.

"Arrr, and who might you be, lubber?"

The interviewer sputters with his words for a few seconds. He never expected not to be recognized, especially by someone he's sure he's interviewed before.

"W-well, uh...I'm, I'm Mike Lamar, head interviewer for Vendetta."

Pirate nods slowly. Seemingly satisfied with the shaky answer, he walks more into the shot and crosses his arms.

"Aye, sure thing then, matey. What ye be wantin' teh know?"

"Well then, um...first of all, how about that match with David Harva last night, huh? You sure showed him, didn't you?"

Pirate smirks. As he answers, he slowly puts his arm around Lamar's shoulders, making him flinch a bit.

"Ahaharr, Aye, I guess I did. Turns out the Russian Cannon were just ballast after all, eh? N'that thar cannon broke down after only a few passes at that. The guns on me vessel be lastin' much longer than that."

While answering, Pirate dusts off Mike's shoulder with his other hand, making it about as awkward as possible to conduct this interview.

"Uh, yeah. Um...that leads me to my next question. Uhh...we saw you use a new move...to finish David Harva off last night..."

Suddenly, Pirate taps on Lamar's shoulder. This causes the interviewer to stop and turn his head. After seeing nothing, he turns back to Pirate, who nods and stares past him down the hallway. As Mike turns again and tries to see this nonexistant distraction, Bloom stealthily sticks two fingers into Lamar's pocket and quickly pulls out his iPhone. After looking at it puzzlingly for a second, Pirate sticks it into a pouch hanging from his belt just in time for Lamar to turn back around. Pirate shrugs, feigning ignorance. Highly confused, and oblivious to what had just happened, Mike decides to just keep going.

"Uh, anywayy...that move you used last night, what might that be, exactly?"

Pirate smirks again, his ploy having worked to perfection.

"Arr, that? That be the Mutiny. Mighty fine maneuver, she is. Harva wasn't stayin' down. Figured I had teh pull 'er out."

"Indeed...so now you've been entered into the Intercontinental Championship Tournament..."

"S'what they be tellin' me."

"...and your first opponent in it will be Drake Dysfunc...tion..."

Upon finishing that though, Lamar looks over to see that Pirate had pulled what looks like a picture out of Lamar's coat pocket and is staring at it, somewhat alarmed, somewhat revolted. We can't see the picture, but Bloom's face says it all.

"...That's my girlfriend."

Pirate struggles to find the words.

"eh....Arr, is it? She, uh...she be a *gulp* a bonnie lass, that she be."

...he lied. Pirate slowly replaces the photograph in Lamar's pocket. God knows why he has it there. Anyway, before this gets any weirder, Pirate slowly takes his hand off of the shoulder and responds to the question...if you could call it that.

"Dysfunction. Aye. That's a good word. Arr, that be a good word to describe this here XWA. It be crazy round here! There be men pretendin' to be women, there be women beatin' up men, there be lads stealin' each other's wenches and beatin' the seaweed out of each other! Cap'n Michaels, I be steerin' cleer a'him after last night, matey. There be lads fightin' over each other's gold like there be no tomorrow. I been gettin threats meself since I got here, especially from that JHalc lubber! Then there be loads a people mistakin' me fer this guy...forget his name. They ask me what I be smokin',  but whatever."

"So are you saying it's a bit too much for you?"

"Nay, quite the opposite, matey! I feel right at home here! It's just like the high seas! Y'see, Drake, lubber, all this chaos may be in yer name, but chaos be what a pirate lives for! Ain't nobody do chaos and dysfunction like Captain....Bartholomew Bloom, and don't ye forget it! By the end of this here ternament, I'll be bringin that Inter-continental title...arr...out to international waters..."

The crowd goes nuts for Pirate's emphatic statement. Even Lamar is taken back a bit.

"Well, then. Bold words from The Pirate, it seems."

Pirate smirks.

"Aye, so we be done then, correct?"

Lamar looks puzzled. Pirate seems so eager to end the segment.

"...uh...yes, I guess so."

"Then can I see that real quick, matey?"

Pirate points to the microphone. Lamar, confused, doesn't know what to think, but eventually sees nothing wrong with it and hands the mic to Pirate. Seemingly astounded by the object, Bloom slowly moves the device around through the air, forward and back, left and right, up and down...suddenly he shoots it off to his left, right in front of Mike Lamar's face. The interviewer flinches hard, the device coming inches from his nose. Perfect. With Lamar distracted, Pirate gently sticks his left hand in Mike's back pocket, quickly extracting his wallet and pocketing it himself. After regaining his bearings, Lamar slowly, unsurely reaches up and grabs the mic once again.

"Arr, thanks."

With his caper complete, the swashbuckling thief quickly turns and heads off down the hallway. This leaves Mike Lamar to stand there, awkwardly, after probably the weirdest interview of his career. He's none the wiser, and you can almost hear the cameraman snickering, trying desperately not to laugh at Pirate's hilarity. We're in for a hell of a championship tournament, especially with someone as crazy and unpredictable as Captain Bartholomew Bloom.

So meta.

Loved this promo, Teej. The Pirate remains my favourite character in the fed. I'd love to see him picking more pockets and just getting to ridiculous heights with it, like stealing someone's jacket and wearing it as if it was his all along or something.

Good work, man.

Really liked this cause of all the pick pocketing going on

Great promo Teej!

The Pirate joined Cryme Tyme

But God, I love this character so much man. That was an awesome read.