[The following is a pre-recorded video, and is played immediately before the match between The Pirate and Greg Samuel]
The scene fades in on a locker room. Daylight can be seen through the open window, so it's obvious that this happened near the beginning of the show. Sounds can be heard from a television as the camera pans down. Someone's playing video games. That someone is quickly revealed to be Jared Jarusalem. The egomaniac he is, the Piece of Eden is playing as himself in XWA 2K14 for the XBox One. He likes the XBone, all the more reason to boo him. A count of one, two, three is heard, and Jared raises his fists into the air.
"Ah, I am the best."
He smugly folds his arms for a minute before taking the controller again. As he navigates the menus, a dark shadow slowly creeps in the door behind him. With Jerusalem glued to the screen, he is unable to see the shadow sneak across the floor of his locker room and up behind the table next to his couch. It slowly moves up into the light, revealing itself to be Scurvy Steve. He looks down to the table, eyeing Jared's Galaxy Tab. He quickly looks over. Jared's not paying attention. Slowly, carefully, the bald buccaneer reaches forward and grabs the phone, then quick as a flash, scampers out of the room and down the hall. This makes a bit of a noise, however, and Jared turns his head to the table just as Steve is leaving the room.
"W-what the? Where'd my phone go?"
He drops his controller and stands up.
"What the hell?"
Quickly, Jerusalem circles around the couch and heads out the door, obviously trying to follow whoever committed this theft. However, as soon as he leaves the room, the caper begins in full. A closet door next to the camera opens, and out scurries Jumbo, the Crew's resident midget. He makes a beeline for Jared's XBox, and reaches back behind the TV to unplug it. The display goes black as Jumbo heaves the device into his arms and turns to the window. After crossing the room, the little guy leaps up onto a suitcase, then a chair, and finally a table next to the window. As a hand appears and opens the screen on the window, Jumbo tucks the console into his body and dives out through the window, a perfect getaway. Jared runs back through the door just as the screen is closed, and is in shock seeing that his XBox is missing.
"Now where's my...WHAT!? WHAT THE HELL!? WHERE'S MY XBOX?"
He stands in shock for a few seconds before storming out and going to report the incident to management.
"This is...this is an outrage! I gotta go....gaah!"
He exits the room, and the feed fades out to the next part of the segment...
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...Maddox Paine is walking backstage, which garners a huge cheer from the live crowd. He intimidatingly continues, seemingly oblivious to the camera following him. However, he is quickly stopped, as passing him by is The Pirate, who "accidentally" bumps the larger man with his shoulder as he passes by. Paine turns about 45 degrees, standing and staring angrily off over the camera, while Pirate humorously falls in an over-exaggerated fashion to the floor. As Bartholomew Bloom starts to push himself up, Paine turns around in a snap of anger and grabs him by the collar.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?"
Pirate cowers, trying to pull away.
"Arr, nothin' matey, just weren't lookin where I's goin'..."
Maddox isn't convinced.
"Y'sure?! Sure you weren't trying to pick my pocket?"
"Nayy, nay. Nothin' o' the sort."
However, Pirate clearly isn't telling the truth, as Lookout stealthily appears behind Paine. As he is yelling at Pirate, his lanky arm reaches toward the former World Champion's ass. I keep telling you all they're butt pirates.
"ARE. YOU. SURE."
Lookout inserts his hand in Maddox's pocket, stealthily pulling out his wallet.
"AYE MATEY!"
Paine isn't convinced, but he eventually releases Pirate. Bloom scurries backward as Lookout sneaks away. As the captain leaves the room. Maddox turns around...nobody there. He feels awfully suspicious and crosses his arms, scowling. Suddenly, Jumbo appears out of nowhere and reaches into his other pocket, taking out another cell phone and running for his life. Maddox doesn't notice until several seconds later, after the midget has disappeared around a corner. The big man feels his pockets as he turns, getting wide-eyed as he realizes he's been had.
"DAMMIT!"
He roars with rage and lunges to the side, punching the wall as hard as he can. His massive fist breaks right through the drywall as he seethes in anger. After pulling his arm out, Paine storms off after Pirate as the feed fades out again...
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...Finally, the feed fades back in to Xtreme Icon and Danny Diamond eating donuts at the catering table. Quite the strange thing to be filming, don't you think? Just as the thought crosses everyone's mind, Megalodon and Lookout appear on either side, grabbing both stars around the waist and hoisting them into the air. The two large pirates drag the unsuspecting wrestlers off to either side as the captain walks in from beside the camera. He grabs the three boxes of donuts sitting on the table as Scurvy Steve enters the scene behind him. Bloom tosses one box to his brother before opening a box and taking out a donut. After he starts to munch on his booty (you're a pervert), Pirate sees something out of the corner of his eye. Frantic, he grunts and taps on Steve's shoulder, beginning to run off to the right. Steve sees what's coming and quickly follows him. Donuts in tow, the two of them make like bananas and split, as a few seconds after they leave, Maddox Paine comes screaming across the screen in hot pursuit. As he follows them, the camera fades out for a final time, and comes back in to live action, as Greg Samuel is standing in the ring, warming up...
Subject: PROMO | "A Night O' Plunderin'" - The Pirate and his Crew 
Maddox is gonna spear every single one of them. 
Good stuff as ever, Teej. The image of Danny Diamond and Icon eating donuts casually cracked me up.
