The opening pyrotechnics are over, and the announcers have just finished hyping up tonight's card. It's sure to be an interesting night of action, but this first segment might be the most interesting, or strange rather, of them all. As the crowd goes quiet, awaiting someone to kick off the show, a familiar theme tune blasts through the arena.



The arena explodes. According to the official XWA Message Boards, it appears that everyone knows that this is Tyler Lawson, with the exceptions of Mike Lamar and possibly Ted Cedar, but it's also unanimous that they love what he's doing as The Pirate. The man himself walks out from behind the curtain, hands in the air as the crowd gives him all they got. He's not alone, however, as several more men wearing pirate outfits follow the captain out onto the stage. The first is a bald, serious-looking man with a tattoo on his upper chest. Close inspection reveals that he is clearly Lawson's brother Steve, better known as Klash. The second pirate newcomer is a very tall, lanky man, with frizzled hair and an eyepatch. Following him is a midget, and that's not just hyperbole because he's so tall. The next pirate is not even four feet tall, and he carries a black Jolly Roger flag, waving it from side to side in a fairly goofy fashion. Bringing up the rear is an absolutely massive pirate. This absolute mountain of a man stands even taller than the other giant, and contrary to the other, has immense girth to back it up. An old-school SIW fan would recognize him as "The Immovable Object" Mammoth. Together, the band of five swashbucklers make their way to the ring, hooting and hollering, ARRing, playing up to the crowd however they can.

"WHO....WHO THE BLODDY ASS LOVING FUCK...ARE THESE GUYS!?!"

"I...I think we're about to find out..."

The captain rolls into the ring, as the rest of his troupe follow suit in their various ways. The man we assume is Klash hops up onto the apron and springs over the top rope. The lanky one goes into a jog and circles around to the hard-camera side before diving into the ring, while the small one has to climb up onto the apron and slowly roll in. Mammoth brings up the rear, slowly, stoically walking up the ring steps before eventually stepping over all the ropes and into the ring. He is visibly the least animated of the pirates, having had visibly less hooting and whatnot as they came down. Bartholomew Bloom has obtained a microphone by the time they're all in the ring. As the theme music dies down, he taps his finger into the mic. He had an encounter with one a few weeks ago, but still doesn't appear to be used to it yet. Eventually, he starts to speak.

"Arr...still don't know how this thing werks..."

A pulse of laughter is heard from the fans as Pirate looks around and smirks.

"Anyway, guess I got me ass kicked last week, huh? No need t'be denyin' it. Me head still hurts. They had t'carry me onto me own ship after that. Aye, that ain't no good. 'Nd it looks as me chances in this here ternament are 's good 's sunk, huh?"

The crowd begins to boo with sympathy, but Bloom immediately raises his hand to quiet them.

"Nay. Nay need t'be worryin', mateys. We've found a right good solution t'me plight. Me crew w's worried 'bout me when I got back. They felt I be needin' some protection. N'with nasty bands'a scallywags like The Hopeful and D-Volution runnin' around...I agreed with'em! What's a good crew for better than bein' yer backup? N'that brings me t'this. Ladies n' gentlemen, wenches n' bilge rats, I present t'you....me crew!"

The four of them get a huge round of applause as their captain sticks his hand out, presenting them as a whole. Beaming, Bloom heads off to his left, beginning to introduce them one by one, starting with Baldy.

"Aye, this 'ere. This here is me own flesh and blood. Been sailing wi'me fer longer than any'a these dogs. Me own brother; we call'im Scurvy Steve!"

Klash raises a hand into the air, waving to the crowd as they give him a decent pop. The captain continues to the far end of the ring. The tall, lanky crew member has a crazed look in his eye as Pirate puts a hand up on his shoulder and starts to introduce him.

"This one...ahah, this one we call Lookout! Well, cas'ees the lookout! Well that ain't the only reason. If ye happen t'be around him...ya better look out!"

Bartholomew chuckles as a psychotic grin forms on Lookout's face. Surely, he's one to be feared. As he gets a bit of applause, the captain turns around and steps back to the center of the ring, reaching down this time to place his hand on the head of the next crewmate.

"...This be Jumbo. He be the best cook in the seven seas, but don't let his size fool ya, he's a fiesty one, that he is!"

Jumbo lets out an "ARR!", snarling into the camera as his captain turns to the back corner of the ring to face the monster, casually leaning against the turnbuckles, massive arms crossed in front of him.

"Ahahaaah, 'n that leaves this little fella. ARR, this may be the biggest man any'a lubbers ever done seen in the XWA! The most fearsome beast in the sea! Me first mate: the MEGALODON!"

Mammoth reaches one hand up and gently tips his tricorner to the crowd. Pirate raises his hands in the air, the introductions completed.

"I can't believe that one even fits on the ship, hehe, eh Joey?"

Miles sits there dumbfounded. He struggles to find his words, appalled at the display here so far.

"Wha-bu-fit-gah-PFFFFFFFT. You honestly believe? Wha-I'm done. I'm fucking done. There's no way there's FIVE GUYS putting on this charade. Something screwy's going on here, and I'm going to find out what!"

As the crowd cheers for Pirate and his crew, Joey gets up, rips off his headset and storms toward the ring, grabbing a microphone along the way. While he rolls into the ring, Pirate begins to talk.

"Arr, on that note, I be tellin' ya, all crews better take notic-"

The captain is cut short, as Joey Miles has grabbed him by the collar. The crowd goes into full-on boo mode as their fun seems to have been cut short. Bloom looks wide-eyed as the bold commentator gives him a piece of his mind.

"GOD FUCKING DAMMIT LAWSON! Cut this shit out! We know you're the fucking Butt Pirate! You don't have to shove it in our faces every week!"

Pirate barely moves, shocked, eventually slowly moving the microphone to his mouth.

"...What ye be sayin'?"

"FOR FUCK'S SAKE! This fucking skit has gone too damn far! It's like we're stuck in a bad gay porno forever! You don't need to bring these fucking clowns in to back you up! Face it! You're a failure, Tyler! You put yourself in this position! Only you can get yourself out of it! For the sake of everyone, just cut the crap and go back to jobbing out to David Michaels every other week!"

The boos are incredible right now. It would almost hurt your ears watching this on TV, let alone being there.

"Aye...fer one thing, I dunno where this 'Tyler Lawson' feller is, but apparently he wes pretty important 'round here, fer y'all teh keep mistaken' me fer him. Me name, is Bar-tho-lo-mew, BLOOM. CAPTAIN Bartholomew Bloom at that. Don't ferget it, lubber!"

The crowd cheers at Pirate's resolve. Miles starts freaking out again and goes to retort, but Bloom quickly shushes him before continuing.

"Ah, hold on a minute, y'rapscallion. Fer a second thing, ye be one to talk, about people puttin theyselves in bad positions. Look at the position ye be in, lubber!"

Miles slowly looks around as Pirate's four crew members slowly converge around him. Realizing his predicament, he quickly releases his grip on the captain's shirt, smiling sheepishly. He slowly starts to back away, but Lookout quickly grabs him by the hair, pulling him backwards, off balance so that he starts to flail his arms around and drops his mic. The psychotic sailor quickly gets into Joey's face, screaming at him, "NOBODY TOUCHES THE CAPTAIN!" loud enough for the TV cameras to pick up. Slowly, Megalodon bends over and picks up Joey's microphone. After a moment's tense silence, he brings it to his mouth and speaks.

"Arr, Cap'n...should we deal with this'n?"

Pirate ponders this for a brief moment as Miles pleads with him desperately. After cracking his neck, Bloom comes to a decision.

"...Aye, teach 'im a lesson, mateys!"

Pirate backs into the corner as his crew goes to work. A sick smile returns to Lookout's face, as he sharply jerks Miles back up to a standing position. Joey can't keep his balance for long, though, as Lookout quickly picks him up and drives him into the canvas with a Spinebuster. The crowd loves this attack. It seems like a bit of an underhanded move on Pirate's part, but Miles did put his hands on him first, and everyone hates the guy anyway. It's good to see him get what's coming to him. Meanwhile, Scurvy Steve has picked Jumbo up and taken him to the corner, where he sets the small fry up on the top rope. Just as Lookout gets off of Miles's unmoving body, the midget leaps off, planting his entire 130 lbs into Joey's midsection with a Tadpole Splash. Finally, Steve and Lookout pry the now-helpless aggressor off the canvas and pull him to his feet before feeding him to Megalodon. Without missing a beat, the 400+ pound giant turns the commentator around and lifts him up onto his shoulders, face up. An intense look on his face, the monster waits a brief moment before spinning Miles around, falling back and planting him onto the mat with an Inverted TKO, a move that can only be called The End. The crowd finally at least has some sympathy for that last one, letting out an "Ooohh" as Joey bounces off the canvas and falls limp onto his side. The rest of Pirate's crew raise their hands into the air in victory as their captain walks back over to Miles, while the massive Megalodon slowly pushes himself back to his feet.

"Nothin' personal, lubber..."

Pirate stands over the fallen commentator as his crew gathers behind him.

"...but let this be a warnin', to aaalllllll the vessels in the XWA. THIS, be whatcha get, when y'mess wit a Pirate, and his crew...captain's orders!"

A few fans seem torn after seeing the vicious attack by the new Stable (could you call them that?) who should be faces. Most of the crowd continues cheering; you beat up Joey Miles, you're fine by their book.

"Now....weigh anchor, men. We be outta here!"

Pirate's theme hits again as the five buccaneers begin to exit the ring, leaving the commentator to hold his ribs in the center of the ring, barely able to move.

"I wanna say I feel sorry for Joey right now, but honestly, he totally had that coming...Anyway, folks, we're gonna be seeing Pirate again later tonight, as he faces Mack in Intercontinental Championship Tournament action, but for now, we probably have to take a break..."

With Ted's feelings on the matter clear, the band of pirates make their way up the ramp, high-fiving fans as they go. This is certainly an interesting development in the landscape of XWA, and the viewer is left to contemplate its impact as Vendetta goes to its first commercial......

Awesome promo, should've had the crew steal Miles' shit, though

That was..... A great read. I laughed and quite enjoyed the way you portray these characters.

Miles got beaten. 10/10