This was rated TV-PG. Interesting to see a show from the mid-to-late 90s with a PG rating.
The opening video package is kinda weird. It has this chill as music with people fighting and Eric Bischoff getting his ass beat. Oh wow, this was live in Daytona Beach, Florida, my hometown. #HometownHero Oh God, Dusty Rhodes on commentary. That fucking voice.
Psychosis vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.
Rey goes to shake hands but Psychosis slaps him. Exchanging of some submissions. Some really nice submissions. Now here we go, the fun bouncing. Over the top rope Suicide Dive by Psychosis. More submissions. I'm surprised how technical this match is. They're not completely abandoning the high flying, but they're making it a pretty technical bout so far. It's impressive. Top rope Leg Drop by Psychosis. Psychy doing some dominating for a bit. Rey doing some nice maneuver to take himself onto the apron. Ouch. Both men on the apron, Rey drops down on his back and does some Monkey Flip style maneuver, sending Psychosis head-first into the steel post. Diving Hurricanrana from the apron to the outside by Rey. Another interesting submission by Rey. Not sure how to describe it. Psychosis Irish Whips Rey to the ropes and he returns for Psychosis to do a Flapjack style maneuver sending Rey mid-section first on the top rope. The sell was great. Diving Senton from the top turnbuckle to the outside. Painful looking landing. Some more fun flippy and speedy stuff. Triangle Dropkick by Rey. Diving Hurricanrana from the top turnbuckle to the apron, sending them to the floor. Arabian Press by Rey. Rey with a...I think that was a Phoenix Splash? A springboarding one to the outside. Maybe not a Phoenix Splash, but something similar. Either way, he hit his leg hard off of the steel barricade. Springboard Hurricanrana gets reversed into a Powerbomb. Wow. Beautiful reversal. Psychosis went for a top turnbuckle diving Cross Powerbomb, but Rey reversed into a Hurricanrana in a gorgeous way for the win. Fun match.
Rating: 3.5 Stars
Konnan having to explain what happened at the end of that match.
Big Bubba w/ Jimmy Hart vs. John Tenta - Sock On A Pole Match
Apparently Big Bubba is Big Boss Man and John Tenta is Earthquake. Yay, I know people! Bubba does some running for a bit and dodging John. Now they keep trying to climb the pole and getting interrupted. Bubba pulls John off of the turnbuckle with a Back Suplex/Electric Chair type hybrid. John tries to unhook the pole so he can get the sock full of silver dollars, but Bubba stops him and starts to choke him with a belt. John appears to be unconscious now. Nope, he's getting up. Bubba's taping John to the ropes. Bubba hits him with the belt wrapped around his hand. Then he starts whipping him with it. More choking. Now he's got scissors. He tries cutting John's hair, but John low blows him and takes the scissors to untape his arm. Now he's using the scissors to cut the straps holding the pole up, but Bubba attacks him. Damn, big Spinebuster by Bubba. Bubba's telling Jimmy Hart to climb the pole. John Body Slams Bubba as Jimmy gets the sack. He accidentally hands the sock to John. John hits Bubba with the sock and pins him. That was...Something. Not something good, but something.
Rating: 1.5 Stars
Mean Gene with Macho Man, Sting and Luger. I love Randy's voice. This promo is fucking awful.
Diamond Dallas Page vs. Hacksaw Jim Duggan - Taped Fist Match
I hate Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Stop shouting ho, you annoying cunt. Diamond spits gum at Jim. Good man. Again, tape is introduced as Diamond pulls Jim's legs out around the ring post and tapes them together. While the referee is removing the tape, Dallas beats up Jim for a bit and then takes the tape off of his hands. Jim starts beating his ass with punches to the face. Some boring stuff happens. More boring stuff happens. Diamond Cutter for the win. Thank fuck that's over.
Rating: .5 Star
Jim punches Diamond after the match. Jimmy Hart, The Giant and Kevin Sullivan are being interviewed by Mean Gene. Big Show sounds like he's trying to do a horrible Macho Man impression. Another shit promo. Now some other guy interviews Arn Anderson and Chris Benoit. Benoit. <3 That promo was at least decent.
The Public Enemy (Rocco Rock & Johnny Grunge) vs. The Nasty Boys (Brian Knobbs & Jerry Sags) - Four Man Dog Collar Match
I don't know if this is a fatal fourway or a tag match. I think it's tag. Public Enemy bring a table out with them. The two blond guys from each team are tied together and the two dark haired guys from each team are tied together. I don't know who is who. Nasty Boys take the early advantage. Public Enemy start taking the advantage by beating their opponents with trash cans and lids. The blonds start fighting in the beach. One of them beats the other one with a rubber shark. Now all four guys are in the sand. A dude's getting beat with a surf board. The dark haired guy from Public Enemy (I think that one's Rocco, actually), gets on top of the life guard's seat and jumps off but gets hit with a trash can lid on the way down. This is a serious clusterfuck. We got two cameras showing each group of wrestlers. I can't even describe this match. It's just...Well, I already said it, a clusterfuck. There's a Piledriver onto the floor by...One of them. I believe one guy just got Axe Handled through the table. All four guys are coming back to the ring area. The blonds enter the ring. Annnd here comes the dark haired guys. Another table is in the ring as well. Jesus, that table is strong. It's a typical wooden table and one of the guys (all of these guys are pretty big, mind you) goes on the top turnbuckle. He gets yanked off by the chain, does a front flip and lands back-first right in the middle of the table. It doesn't break. He just bounces off of it. Fuck. One guy then puts his opponent on the table, climbs to the middle turnbuckle, wraps the chain around his elbow and does an elbow drop, but the table still doesn't break. That's the John Cena of tables. One of the guys gets tossed over the top rope and hung by the chain. Meanwhile, in the ring, the guy attached to him pulls back on the chain and his partner Irish Whips him into the chain so it's like the chain Clotheslined him. Something else happened really quick, but I didn't see it cuz I was focused on the guy hanging outside of the ring, but whatever it was, The Nasty Boys got the pin off of it. Interesting match. Started off as a complete clusterfuck and it ended as one too, but it was kinda entertaining.
Rating: 2 Stars
Public Enemy attacks Nasty Boys after the match. Somebody finally went through the table, but it happened off screen. I feel like they had it happen off screen because the guy probably jumped on it a bunch of times to make the table break. Apparently the final move of the match was one guy piling up the chain and just slamming it into the other dude's face. Mean Gene cutting the best promo of the night. Cruiserweight title time.
Disco Inferno vs. Dean Malenko (c) - Cruiserweight Championship
Disco cuts a short promo after dancing, saying everyone is invited to his disco dance party. Dean slaps Disco and tosses him out of the ring. He follows this up by beating his ass for a bit. Back in the ring they go. Disco kicks out of a brutal Brainbuster. Headscissors by Dean. Dean is destroying Disco so far. Leg Bar by Dean. Modified STF by Dean. Finally, Disco starts getting some offense. Flapjack onto the top rope by Disco. And Dean is back to dominating. Dean with...A submission thing. No clue what to call that. It's like a Crucifix with a Headlock. After a while, Disco gets to the ropes. Disco coming back again. Dean does a nice reversal when he gets whipped to the corner where he floats right over the top rope and lands on the apron. He then climbs the turnbuckle and goes for a Double Axe Handle, but Disco blocks it and lands a Neckbreaker. Beautiful turnbuckle springboard Dropkick by Dean to the back of the head. Tiger Bomb transitioned beautifully into a Texas Cloverleaf by Dean for the win. For the first few minutes, I thought it was gonna be a jobber match, but it ended up becoming pretty decent.
Rating: 2.5 Stars
Joe Gomez vs. Steve McMichael w/ Debra (and a poodle)
Lots of strikes. Nice running Cross Body by Joe, I believe. Steve's lip is busted open already. Steve with a low blow that the referee didn't see despite looking right at it. Steve dominating. Camel Clutch by Steve. Joe's leg is bent and it's literally right next to the ropes. All he has to do is extend it and he gets a rope break. >_> Instead, he fights his way out of it. Showoff. Steve with a Sleeper, but Joe reverses into a Jaw Breaker. Some stuff happens. Very awkward pin there. I believe Steve sits on Joe's chest but Joe tries to hook his legs around Steve's arms and pull him into a pin but he can't do it for a few seconds because he keeps messing up. Tombstone Piledriver by Steve for the win. Shit match.
Rating: .5 Star
Flair interview. Some girl is flirting with Mean Gene and Gene is being epic.
Konnan (c) vs. Ric Flair w/ Miss Elizabeth & Woman - United States Heavyweight Championship
Mean Gene kept calling her Woman during the interview. I thought he was just being sexist. Flair stylin' and profilin'. Some basic wrestling. Headlocks and the such. Konnan slaps Flair and Flair oversells the fuck out of it by jumping onto his back. Flair's saggy boobs don't agree with your "best shape of his life" line, commentators. Test of strength leads to Flair getting put on his back. Flair chops coming. Woman can screech. Surfboard Stretch by Konnan. Turns it into a Bow & Arrow style maneuver. Now it's Konnan chopping Flair. Clothesline taking both men out of the ring by Konnan. Diving...Tackle, I guess? By Konnan from the apron to the outside, taking out Flait and Elizabeth. Konnan gets to the top rope but Woman shakes the bottom rope, causing him to trip. Flair distracts the referee as Woman enters the ring and low blows Konnan. Flair with an impressive stalling Suplex. Three pins in a row, but all kicked out. Reverse Chinlock applied by Flair. Konnan fights out of it and starts taking it to Flair. Flair flop. <3 Flair doing that weird thing where he gets Irish Whipped into the ropes, ducks down and flips over the top turnbuckle, landing on the apron. Like the thing Shawn and HHH do, except he actually lands on the apron instead of just dying. But Konnan takes him out with a Triangle Dropkick. Flair begging for mercy. Konnan with the Figure Four. Bah Gawd! Flair gets the rope. Flair going to the top rope and, like usual, he gets tossed off the top turnbuckle. Flair goes for a Hip Toss, but Konnan reverses into an Abdominal Stretch-like maneuver before falling down into an interesting pin, but Miss Elizabeth has the referee distracted. On the opposing apron, Woman is standing there, holding her shoe. She nails Konnan with the heel. Flair goes for the pin, putting both feet on the top rope, and he gets the win. Pretty good match.
Rating: 2.5 Stars
I looked up Woman after the match and found out she was actually Nancy Benoit. Now I'm sad. :(Back to Mean Gene. He says he heard a third guy talking with The Outsiders, but he couldn't make out who it is.
Chris Benoit & Arn Anderson vs. The Giant & Kevin Sullivan
Giant and Kevin attack Arn and Chris while they're making their way to the ring. The Giant went to chase after some guy, leaving Kevin to fight both Benoit and Arn. So many chops between Kevin and Benoit. Giant's coming back out with Teddy Hart. Arn gets tagged in. And Benoit is tagged back in shortly after. Lots of tags between the Horsemen. They're isolating Kevin from his corner. Jesus. Arn applies a Front Chancery near the ropes and Giant just runs down the apron and absolutely fucking trucks him. Chris goes for a Superplex, but he sees Giant enter the ring and instead leaps off into a Cross Body, but Giant catches him. Arn quickly runs into the ring and Giant tosses Chris onto him. Lol. Arn applies an Abdominal Stretch to Kevin and Kevin grabs the top rope immediately, but then just lets go for like 6 seconds before grabbing it again. Kevin gouges Benoit's eyes for like 10 seconds straight and the referee doesn't do shit. Asshole referee. Still a lot of tags from Chris and Arn, whom continue keeping Kevin isolated. And there's a botch. Arn sets up for a Powerbomb or Piledriver or something, while Benoit ascends the turnbuckle. Kevin reverses by tripping Arn and goes for a Catapult, but Arn doesn't go far enough, so he pauses for a second and then just jumps forward, crashing into Benoit's legs. Kevin finally tags in Giant. Benoit and Kevin head up the ramp while Giant fights Arn in the ring. Benoit and Kevin make it to the broadcast area. Chokeslam by The Giant for the win. That match was a mess. It wasn't bad, but it was a mess.
Rating: 2 Stars
After the match, Benoit flies off of the commentary area and dives onto Kevin. He then attacks him with a chair. Giant's gone and Benoit takes Kevin back into the ring. Back Superplex by Benoit. Here comes Woman. She begs Chris to stop because he's gonna hurt him. I imagine she was saying the same thing in 2007...Okay, even I groaned at that. <_<Benoit keeps beating up Kevin and here comes The Giant. Benoit and Woman quickly exit. Video package for the main event six man tag. Very weird video package. Instead of any words being said, they flash words in a newspaper header style. Bischoff dying via Powerbomb off the stage by Kevin Nash. He must love being thrown off stage by his employees.
Sting, Randy Savage & Lex Luger vs. Razor Ramon, Kevin Nash & ???
Mean Gene comes out to confront The Outsiders (Razor & Nash) He asks where their partner is. Nash says they can handle it for now but the third guy is there. Razor loves his tooth picks. He's got one in his mouth and another tucked behind his ear. Starts off with Razor and Lex. Bitch slap by Lex. Razor doesn't take too kindly to that. He knocks Lex out of the ring. Lex gets back up on the apron and, from the other side of the turnbuckle, Kevin grabs him and applies a Front Chancery over the top turnbuckle. Sting comes in and lands a Stinger Splash, knocking both men off the apron. Lex selling it like death. I kinda feel like Lex is gonna be the third guy now, as he's lying, seemingly out cold and the commentators are saying he's done for now. They're bringing a stretcher out for Lex. Most deadly Stinger Splash ever. Either Lex is on the other team or he's gonna make a triumphant return late in the match. After the short break from the match is over, Sting and Razor are in the ring. Sting gets slapped and so he beats the shit out of Razor. Tag to Macho Man who goes for a diving Axe Handle, but Razor punches him in the gut mid-air and tags in Nash. Some back and forth tags between the Outsiders. Macho's doing a good job, though, fighting back. Ow. That was a painful looking botch. Nash goes for an Elbow Drop but Macho tries to move out of the way and accidentally raises his head right into Nash's elbow. Tag to Sting. Nash beating on Sting for a bit. Beautiful Dropkick by Sting. Double handed Chokeslam by Nash and he tags in Razor. Fallaway Slam by Razor for a two count. Razor tags in Nash and he lands a Big Boot. Dropkick to the leg by Sting. Sting almost makes the tag but Nash tags in Razor and he stops him. Abdominal Stretch by Razor. With the referee distracted, he holds hands with Nash to gain leverage. Razor tags in Nash and Nash does an Abdominal Stretch now. Referee doing the arm drop, but Sting keeps his arm up and fights out of the hold. Almost gets a tag but, again, Razor gets tagged in and stops him. Some more isolating Sting from his corner. Tag to Nash. Sting finally fighting back. Tag to Macho Man. Razor runs into the ring but he takes a diving Axe Handle from Savage, whom proceeds to slam him head-first into Nash's head. Savage tosses Razor outside of the ring and does a diving Axe Handle to the outside. He then slides him into the ring and does, what a twist, a diving Axe Handle! The variety is amazing. Low blow to Savage from Nash with the referee out. Here comes Hogan. Hogan Leg Drops Macho Man. The traitor! Bah Gawd! Bah Gawd! Bah Gawd! Hogan tosses the referee out of the ring and lands another Leg Drop to Savage. He pins him and Razor does a three count. I suppose that's the ending of the match. Not a wrestling spectacular, but it was great in terms of telling a story.
Rating: 3 Stars
People are now throwing shit in the ring at three of them. A lot of shit, Jesus. The ring is quickly filling with garbage. Here comes Mean Gene. He interviews Hogan, whilst showing a bit of attitude. He says Hogan joining with Razor and Scott make him sick. Ha, Mean Gene has to keep himself from saying fucking. "You've gotta be ... kidding me!" And the New World Order is born. Hogan talking about he made WWE rich without saying WWE specifically. Excellent promo by Hogan. "You fans can stick it, brother!" Mean Gene's face when he said that was amazing. Not a great show, but not a bad one either. The ending was great and it had a couple of good matches, including an excellent opener. I'd rate the entire show 2.5 out of 5 stars.
Subject: Gopher Review: Bash At The Beach (1996) 
