Yeah, if this was a real match, I'd put some philosophical bullshit here. Gotta figure what to do without sounding all preachy.....at least I don't have to write entrances.

Tyler's opponent is the guy I was going to use before I decided to bring back Lawson. I wasn't completely decided on the name, so I picked one of the less likely choices.

The commentary isn't actual commentators, but instead Michaels and JHalc watching a video of the match in the locker room. I only picked them because I wrote this on J's writing forum, which Chilly is on, too. It doesn't mean anything, I'm not requesting a feud or a match with either of them or anything. They just came to mind and were easy to write for the situation.


The ringing of the bell echoes throughout the warehouse as the 200 or so in attendance let out a cheer at the start of this main event. Demco, one of the best young indy workers in the New York area, faces his biggest challenge yet in "The Instant Classic" Tyler Lawson. Lawson, on the other hand, is using this as a 'rehab assignment' to shake off the cobwebs for a return to full-time wrestling, after an extremely relaxed schedule over the last year. As the final ding fades, the two competitors begins to circle around the ring, Lawson's arms in the air as he looks for a tie up. Demco is very cautious for this start, but goes for it anyway. The two lock up, or so Lawson thinks. Demco quickly shoots under Lawson's and circles behind him to cinch in a Rear Waistlock. Say whatever you want about Demco's attitude, you can never say he's not prepared. Chris tries to pull back, but giving up over 50 pounds to his opponent doesn't lend itself well to what he's trying to do. He tries to pick Tyler up....and again, but Lawson's feet stay planted on the mat. Tyler's had enough of this, and shifts his right side forward to break Demco's grip. He turns on the ball of his left foot and executes a Standing Switch, ending up completely in the opposite position as before. He then proceeds to show Demco how it's done, popping the hips, leaning back, and executing a textbook German Suplex, nearly sending his opponent flying under the bottom rope and out of the ring.

Lawson rolls over and quickly stands up, looking to take control of this early advantage. He steps over and grabs Demco around his head, ushering him back to his feet. He eventually gets his opponent up to his feet and immediately locks in a Side Headlock. He uses the dominant position to drag Demco back to the center of the ring. After wrenching it tighter, Tyler then flips over to the right, bringing Demco with him in a Headlock Takeover, and slams him down back-first on the mat. Now in a seated position, Tyler cinches in the hold again, and after a few seconds, leans back and applies the first pin of the match[.....1...]a quick kickout before the count of two. After raising the shoulder, Demco spins himself around under Lawson's arm and tries to stand up. Despite resisting for a bit, Lawson eventually obliges, and the pair rise as one. Lawson tries to cinch the headlock in tighter, but Demco quickly pushes him off and sends him running toward the ropes. As Tyler bounds off, Demco leans over and grabs his neck, but is heads-up enough to drop down the mat as his opponent comes roaring back to him. Lawson has no choice to leap over him and continue on to the other side of the ring. He comes back, and Demco pops up, only to duck a big clothesline and head over to the ropes himself. They both bounce off the ropes, and converge toward the middle of the ring. Demco leaps forward....and connects with a high-impact Dropkick to the nose of Lawson, who is floored instantly. Demco pops right back up and makes for the ropes. As Lawson scrambles to try to stand back up, Demco grabs the top rope and springs up. Lawson turns, and runs right into a Springboard Moonsault. They both land with a thud as the small crowd pops for the highspot.

Before going for a cover, Demco quickly rolls out of the ring to the apron. Lawson lays there, rubbing the back of his neck as Demco climbs to his feet and begins to scale the ropes. He gets to the top, sizes up Lawson, and leaps, rolling forward to the left. He sticks out his left arm and plants it into Lawson, Dropping The Elbow across his sternum. Taking advantage of the situation, he scrambles on top of Lawson and hooks his leg for a pin[.....1....2.]and Lawson kicks out right at two. Demco's a little miffed, but immediately gets up and scampers back to the ropes. The tension in the crowd builds again as he climbs. With a cocky smirk on his face, Demco points out to a group of fans, warranting a few boos, which he quickly shakes off. Without any more delay, he leaps backwards into a second Moonsault. He flies gracefully through the air.....and eats dirt, as Lawson had rolled out of the way just as he pushed off the ropes. Demco's body curdles as Lawson grabs the ropes and tries to pull himself up. It takes some effort, but he does get up and head over toward his opponent. He reaches down and pulls Demco to his feet, shoving him under his arm in a Front Facelock. Tyler spins around away from the corner, ready to regain control of the match. He hooks Demco's arm over his own head as the crowd swells to a cheer, and lifts him up high over the ring, only to drop him back down behind him, completing the Vertical Suplex. A rush of adrenaline takes Lawson immediately back to his feet, where he looks at the crowd, getting excited to see him systematically take another opponent apart...and he knows it. He waves his arms up into the air, asking for them to get louder, and they do. All the while Demco is able to stagger his way to his feet, feeling at his lower back.

Lawson turns back to Demco just as he reaches his feet, and quickly scoops him up onto his shoulder. After parading him around to the crowd for a few seconds, he leans forward and throws his opponent down to the mat with a Body Slam. Demco lands with a thud and arches his back in pain, but Lawson doesn't give him very much time to wallow, as he keeps a hold of the left leg and circles around to grab the other one. The Instant Classic expertly knots up his opponent's lets into a grapevine and spins him over, locking him into a move we've seen from him several times, the Cloverleaf. Demco's eyes widen as Lawson practically sits on him. He claws for the ropes and struggles to get out, but Lawson isn't letting up any time soon. He's lucky Lawson hasn't been wearing him down very long, as he is able to lunge forward and grab the bottom rope, forcing a rope break. The ref urges Lawson to release, and he does, walking a circle around the ring, if only to give his opponent a little time to try to get up. Demco is halfway up, grimacing in pain, by the time Tyler gets back to him, and Lawson wastes no time in scooping him right back up onto his shoulder for another Body Slam, only this time, Demco is ready for it. He slides down Lawson's back, basically falling right into a seated position, before sending an arm between his opponent's legs and pulling him back. Lawson tries to catch his balance, but his valiant effort is derailed, as he falls backwards into the School Boy. The referee slides in for the pin as Demco shifts his weight on top of Lawson[.....1.....2....]Kickout just in the nick of time. The crowd lets out a collective sigh as Lawson scrambles to his feet. The momentum of the kick allows Demco to roll back up without much effort, and Tyler immediately charges at him. He sticks his foot up for a kick, but Chris catches it, holds Lawson there for a sec, and throws it down diagonally. It swings down under Lawson, missing hitting the ground, and as the equal and opposite reaction, his head swings forward, ending him up into a Snap DDT out of nowhere by Demco. The crowd lets out a collective groan as Lawson slumps over.

JHalc audibly facepalms as the match continues. Demco has the opportunity to take advantage here, but it's gonna be difficult, as he is visibly still in pain from that Cloverleaf. Although he struggles, he gets up and begins to stomp on the back of Lawson. Several times in fact. Lawson trying to get up during this, holding his head all the while, only manages to get to his knees before Demco bends over, grabs his arm, and pulls diagonally, flipping him over his own shoulder with an Arm Drag. With Lawson on his back, Demco stands back up and immediately leaps up, laying his legs out and hitting a Legdrop across Lawson's throat. Although he grabs his tailbone upon landing, he wastes no time in rolling backwards to pop back up to his feet. Lawson rolls over onto his stomach as Demco backs into the ropes to size him up. Tyler gets onto all fours, and then Demco charges forward, nailing him with a Running Knee Smash to the side of the face. Lawson crumples back to the mat, and his opponent scampers on top of him to make the cover[.....1.....2.....]Kickout at two and a half! Almost had the upset there.

Demco gets up into a kneeling position, angry at the ref for not counting to three. But he doesn't pursue it, instead struggling back to his feet to trudge off over to the corner. He sits on the top rope as Lawson begins to stir. They both respectively get up at the same slow pace, and as Tyler stumbles off toward the middle of the ring, Demco has reached the top rope, and he immediately springs off, nearly taking Lawson's head off with a Leg Lariat. Lawson's legs go flying up into the air as he lands, and Demco practically bounces on top of him, immediately hooking both of them to make another cover[.....1.....2..]Kickout, and this time it's more convincing. It's gonna take more than that to keep Lawson down. Demco starts to get back up, deciding at that point it's about time he goes for the kill. He stumbles back up and stands back, catching his breath as well as waiting for Lawson to do the same. Tyler is much slower to his feet; he strains his arms to push his left leg underneath him. Once he's got his footing, he pushes himself up to a vertical base...only to get a Boot directly to the gut, doubling him right back over. Demco puts him in a Front Facelock. He's going for his finishing move here, a move whose name would have worked a lot better had he himself been named differently for this, and thus is going to remain nameless, but is basically an Arm-Trap Neckbreaker when holding both arms. Anyway, Demco starts hooking around Tyler's arms with each other, and grabs his left arm with which he will turn around, but at that exact second, Lawson gets his second wind. In a flash, he rips his right arm away, takes his head out from under Demco's arm, and pulls away. With his opponent caught by suprise, Tyler grabs him by the wrist and yanks him forward, absolutely leveling him with a Short-Arm Clothesline as the crowd goes nuts.

Tyler puts his hands on his thighs and catches his breath, getting ready for the final stretch. Demco starts to scramble to his feet, grimacing and holding the back of his neck. Lawson steps toward him and nails a shot to the forehead. A second one sends him reeling. Lawson follows and hits a third, which sends Demco into the ropes. Lawson grabs his arm and quickly Irish Whips him off toward the other side. Demco nearly stumbles over himself on his way there, but successfully rebounds off the ropes and heads back for Lawson, who is there to meet him with a hook of the arm. In one fluid motion, he flips him over and lays him flat on his back with a Hip Toss. With this, Tyler falls down on top of his opponent and covers him with a Lateral Press[.....1.....2...]Kickout. Not quite yet, it seems. Lawson slowly rises off of Demco and turns his head, using his hands to crack it to both sides. After this, he backs off and settles himself into a corner, waiting for his opponent to be able to stand.

Demco is getting to a point where he's struggling to sit up. Every move Tyler's done has targeted the lower back, and at this point, it's taking its toll. Eventually, he gets himself up to a seated position, and it isn't as hard to push himself to his feet from there, but it's short-lived, as he takes one step before Lawson charges at him. Tyler throws his arm out and lunges forward, landing a nice Lariat, but he's not done. Demco nearly bounces off the mat and is up quite quickly for his current state, as Lawson motions for him to get up, excited to land the next move. Demco gets back to his feet, only to get cracked in the back of the back of the head by an Enzuigiri by The Instant Classic. Tyler goes from there and scrambles over to the corner, where he waits in a 4-point stance, hearkening back to his football days, sizing his opponent up for one of the mainstays of his moveset. Demco is on all fours, dazed and confused from the kick, but on instinct, heads for his feet....only to be met by a vicious Spear by Lawson, snapping his head forward and planting him back on the canvas. The small crowd pops big for it, too. He's rolling now; the adrenaline picks Lawson straight back to his feet. He throws his hands into the air, riling the fans up further, and immediately bends down to grab Demco off of his back. Tyler pulls Chris up to his feet, and another Front Facelock is applied. The crowd knows what's coming now, and everyone gets on their feet for this. The arm is thrown over, the opponent is lifted in the air, a bit of a vertical pause........Toxic Spike! Demco crumples like a rag doll, and all Lawson has to do is roll him over. The ref slides in, and this is a done deal. One. Two. Three.

At this point, JHalc turns the television off.

So, no one on this site has ever seen me giving feedback on a match before... I'll apologise if I come off as mean but I usually get pretty strict about a lot of things when I'm feedbacking matches so, yeah. I also break down every issue I see so my feedback is fairly long winded. I don't summarise so if you want to to actually read what I say you should check it all out before replying because if I make a mistake I'll usually correct myself as I write.

Oh. I forgot to say up there, I'm a stickler for grammar but apparently that's not overly important here so you might be able to get away with some of the stuff I say.

"He tries to pick Tyler up...and again..." apart from the grammatical error, you would've been better to give a touch more description there because I'm imagining him just completely failing to lift him rather than Lawson refusing to go over which doesn't really make sense if there's only a fifty pound weight disparity. If you said something along the lines of "He attempts to hoist Tyler up, but Lawson refuses to go over, planting his feet firmly to the mat..." or some such it would've read better and come across much more easily.

"shifts his right side forward to break Demco's grip. He turns on the ball of his left foot and executes a standing Switch, ending up completely in the opposite position as before." First period should be a comma as the second sentence doesn't really have a descriptor. You should also use something other than "he" and "his" every time you describe something. I'm also not overly a fan of how in depth you went to describe something simple like reversing a waistlock to end up behind his opponent but you didn't sell the failed lift to me. I know it's a practice match with a jobber but you should avoid stuff like that in your actual posts because it makes your opponent look weak and buries them slightly.

"leaning back, and" no need for the comma if you have a conjunction. That's nitpicking though. You also didn't describe the landing and didn't sell the move to me right there. You could've done so much more with that German Suplex if you'd sold it a bit rather than "nearly sending his opponent flying under the bottom rope and out of the ring." That doesn't tell me how his opponent landed, what he landed on, what parts he should be selling or what parts your character will focus on from here. It's a simple psychology sell that you could've capitalised on and really turned the writing up a notce there.

"He" "his" "him" "his" four times in one sentence. It doesn't read fluidly and makes the reader actually have to stop and think about who's doing what. If you'd used a descriptor in the middle of the the last three you would've had a much better flow. Next sentence is much of the same, except, one again you don't sell the move. "locks in a Side Headlock" how did he lock it in? Did he wrap his arms around and give his neck a hug or did he slap it in and really wrench on it? Little description to even basic moves make all the difference.

"He uses the dominant position to drag Demco back to the center of the ring." really could've been slapped onto the last sentence with a comma or as a lead into the next sentence with a comma, by itself it reads very much like you're saying "HE DOES THIS. THIS GUY DOES THAT. HE DOES THIS BACK." The writing needs to flow a bit better.

I do like that you're trying to build this as a slow build match and not instantly going into crazy flippy shit like most fedders, so kudos for that.

"After raising the shoulder, Demco spins himself around under Lawson's arm and tries to stand up." That confused me until I read it a second time because it's not how I'd describe a fight out of a side headlock pinning position. It'd be more like "Demco uses the leverage from the kick out to fight his way to his knees and uses his strength to push himself to his feet, trying to fight off the grip of Tyler Lawson."

"Despite resisting for a bit, Lawson eventually obliges, and the pair rise as one." There's that ", and" again but more importantly, why would he oblige? You didn't explain that. He has Demco in a position where Demco can't do much and apparently can't force the stand up so why not just keep him there until he's forced to give up or you get the pinfall. You've got to sell your opponent a bit not just say "Oh, my guy lets the other guy up."

You did try to sell the neck but at the wrong time. Whoever is fighting back shouldn't try to sell when he's in the middle of a comeback, especially when he's been controlled the way Demco has. Hit the comeback, knock Lawson down, then sell the pain. It's attributed to an adrenaline burst and it's the kind of thing that really makes that kind of escape work.

"Lawson has no choice to leap over him and..." Untrue and incorrect. If you address it this way then you're saying Lawson recognised Demco dropped down and he would be perfectly capable of stopping and putting the boot to his opponent's back or dropping on him in a Splash of some sort. "no choice to leap over him" also doesn't make sense.

Highspot to get back but you've been selling Demco as a heel this entire time, then the crowd pops for him... I'm confused, you have to make it clear from the start who is the heel and who is the face and lines like "Say whatever you want about Demco's attitude..." make me think he's the heel so he shouldn't be going for highspots or getting pops.

"Before going for a cover..." So he's gone to the outside and then he'll be back to make the cover, right? "Instead of making the cover" would've been what you were looking for.

I'm very confused by the top rope move. Again, he's a heel and you have him doing a somersault elbow drop. At least I think that's what it is.

Aaaand psychology goes right out the window. "I didn't beat him with the last top rope move and everytime I go there I risk my safety! BETTER GO UP TOP AGAIN!"

"Demco's body curdles" makes me think Demco is made out of milk and just went off. There are so many better synonyms.

"He flies gracefully through the air.....and" Space after the elippses and elippses have three dots, five dots doesn't make the pause any longer.

That suplex sentence is a very long run on sentence which I don't even understand because you describe a suplex, which every wrestling fan ever has seen before, but don't describe the results of the suplex to your opponent. You gloss over the landing and how it effects Demco after he just whiffed with his top rope move and go straight into "LAWSON GETS UP BECAUSE ADRENALINE" and sell him more as a babyface even though he's been the one working rest holds and cutting off the flippy shit that crowds love.

"He waves his arms up into the air, asking for them to get louder, and they do." Sentence is entirely unnecessary and also a sentence fragment because you don't specify who "he" is or who "them" are.

Demco's selling at least which I like.

Ooooh, you sold the impact of a move rather than explaining what the move looked like, do that more. "knots up his opponent's lets into a grapevine"

Lawson hasn't been wearing Demco down very long? Dude was German Suplexed, locked in an (I'm assuming) tight side headlock, missed a jump from at least six feet in the air, suplexed again and then slammed with a powerslam before being put in a Cloverleaf. Dude's back should be on it's way to destroyed by now.

Basic pretty spot with the reversal and roll up and I like that you called back to earlier in the match but it happened too soon afterwards. You needed to give us more time to get over the last powerslam to make it less obvious.

I like the DDT spot because it's pretty simple but effective, buuuuut, how you described it I'm not a fan of. You're using commas way too much and forces me to take a half breath as I'm reading every three words which disrupts the flow so much. You sold the move slightly but not very much, I would've liked to have seen something about both men being down or some such even for a second because Demco's back should be rooted by now, so him stopping to sell the back would've been good.

There's the sell... Oh. They were both down, you just didn't tell me that. Don't let the reader assume anything other than they know what basic wrestling moves look like. I had no idea Demco was down or up or doing the Moonwalk. Let the reader know.

"Several times in fact." is a sentence fragment, that's somewhere you should be using a comma and you used a period instead.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold the phone. Demco just hit an arm drag on Lawson while Lawson was on his knees, after a match where his back has been worked the entire time, but he couldn't lift Lawson at the start of the match when he was fresh? No.

It's still reading very much "HE DOES THIS! HE DOES THAT! NOW HE DOES THIS TO STOP THAT! HE PINS! KICK OUT!" You need to break up the action a bit and give it more description as to why it's happening. Logically, a leg drop was not a good idea for Demco since he's back has taken a beating.

Oh, Demco's back up top. Way to work that back and heel angle.

Holy fuck I just had a brain aneurysm reading that finisher thing. I get the feeling that was meant to be stupid though.

How many second winds does Lawson have in him?

"Lawson steps toward him and nails a shot to the forehead. A second one sends him reeling. Lawson follows and hits a third, which sends Demco into the ropes." What type of shot? A bourbon shot? A vodka shot? An absinthe shot? Give me something to go on here.

More of the same as I've been saying from there on, really.

It's not great, it's pretty average at best, really. You need some work on getting a flow to your writing and picking when to describe and when to let it slide. You need some work on basic wrestling psychology and you need to let your opponent shine more. Just letting them get moves in isn't giving them time to shine, you have to really sell them.

I know it's just a practice match but if you get into good habits now you'll have them whenever you write rather than making silly mistakes over and over again.

I'd be quite a bit disappointed, but I'm still cracking up at that. I completely lost it at the milk thing.


Anyway...grammar aside, as I didn't proofread it at all...

Demco's supposed to be a heel highflier. He's flashy, but his arrogance puts people off him. The crowd just popped at the spot, I guess I always have written them as being pretty stupid.

I'm pretty sure an Arm Drag is a lot easier to do than a German Suplex.

Selling has always been one of my weak points, I've seen. I will try to work on that a bit more. I tried for more psychology, but I guess my basic structure was still "Ok, I need to write to get to this next spot right now" which I know I have to get rid of.

All in all, having not written a match in over a year, average is good. I'll take it. Thanks for taking the time to give your two cents. I'll try to work on the verbal flow.

You should try working on not sucking.

Good grading Mike