Laura Watts: Ladies and gentlemen, this following contest is a number one contender’s match for the Rising Star Division Championship!

The fans cheer the announcement from Laura Watts. The theme of “Mr. All Smiles” Stevie Kerpowski hits the Wells Fargo Center’s PA system. Stevie enters through the back to a mixed reaction from the Philly crowd.

Ted Cedar: The fans seem split right down the middle if they enjoy this man or not.

Adam Dennis: Well, I don’t like him. The dude is an absolute goof.

Stevie enters the ring with his manager, Andrew Greenburg, right by his side. Stevie throws his top hat and glasses into the XWA Universe. But the sad thing is that they threw it right back!

Adam Dennis: Harsh crowd.

Stevie dances his way into the corner with a happy-go-lucky grin on his face.

Adam Dennis: I don’t think Stevie knows what he’s getting himself into.

As the opening quote of "Cult of Personality” hits the speakers the lights in the arena dim down as a spotlight hits the top of the entrance stage. The spotlight reveals a man on one knee with his hoodie covering his head. The song picks up as Double-D stands up and grins as he stalks his prey. Stevie looks on exaggerated fear before his opponent can enter the ring. The fans seem to be behind Demento.

Ted Cedar: I hate this son of a bitch. He thinks he’s the best thing since Sliced Bread.

Adam Dennis: But he is Ted. Dave Demento is the star of the future. He is my pick to become the next RSD Champion.

Ted Cedar: If he does win the title, then he can stick the championship right up his own behind. We all know you’re already in it. Ass-kisser.

Our referee for the contest is Jack Hammer. Laura Watts remains in the ring as she decides to give a formal ring introduction for this number one contenders match.

Laura Watts: This match is scheduled for one fall and is the RSD number one contender’s match! The winner will also receive points in the XWA World Heavyweight Championship tournament.

Ted Cedar: A whole lot on the line in this match Adam. This is going to be a slobberknocker.

Adam Dennis: What in the blue hell does that mean?

Laura Watts: Firstly, standing to my right, from the Happy Train! Weighing in at 244 pounds: Stevie Kerpowski!

Stevie is once again met with a mixed reaction drawing an exaggerated frown on his face. Andrew Greenburg tries to console him as it seems to amuse the little kiddies in the crowd.

Laura Watts: And standing to my left, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada! Weighing in at 224 pounds: “Double-D” Dave Demento!

Demento grins at his own announcement which is met with a strong positive reaction from the Philly crowd.

Ted Cedar: How the hell can these fans cheer this sick son of a bitch?

Adam Dennis: Welcome to Philadelphia, Ted. These people are insane.

DING! DING! DING!

Our referee Jack Hammer signals both men to shake hands before the bout. Dave reaches out to shake but Stevie becomes hesitant. Stevie panders to the crowd for a few seconds before accepting the handshake but Demento is met with an electric hand zapper! Stevie heads back into his corner and laughs as it only pisses off the already pissed Demento.

Adam Dennis: Oh my god. That was funny.

Both wrestlers come back to the middle of the ring and engage in a collar and elbow lock up. Kerpowski, using his twenty pound difference, pushes Demento into the corner. The referee backs Stevie up as Demento simply grins at the clown. Demento charges “Mr. All Smiles” but is met with a forearm right to his face.

Ted Cedar: Strong offense by Stevie. He is a “jack” of all trades.

Adam Dennis:He might be the Jack, but does that make Demento the Ace of Spades?

Demento staggers backwards as Stevie runs at his opponent. Dave quickly throws his whole body at the knees of “Mr. All Smiles”. Kerpowski hits the mat hard as Andrew Greenburg runs around the ring in disbelief. Demento grabs Stevie’s arm and starts wrenching it.

Adam Dennis: That’s the Dave Demento that I know. What ring awareness.

Ted Cedar: He got lucky.

Adam Dennis: Whatever.

Stevie reaches the bottom rope in tremendous pain, as Jack Hammer forces Demento off. Demento backs off and is met with a “I Had Till Five” chant from the wild Philly crowd. Greenburg tries to strategize with his client, but Demento pulls Stevie’s legs from the bottom rope. Demento pulls Kerpowski up and delivers a huge German Suplex! Stevie whacks his head off the mat and seems dazed and confused.

Ted Cedar: This doesn’t look good for Stevie.

Adam Dennis: This does look great for Double-D.

Dave grins at the crowd as they chant for one more. Demento picks up the dazed body of Stevie Kerpowski and goes to deliver another huge German Suplex. Mid-way through the lift, Stevie throws a banana peel on the mat and Demento trips and lands on his back. Stevie goes for the quick cover.

…1…

…2…

Kickout!

Adam Dennis: That should have been a disqualification! That is some underhanded tactics.

Stevie gets up and kicks the banana peel out of the ring, but proceeds to trip in the process. Stevie slams his head against the mat once again as Jack Hammer tries to control the banana peel. Hammer trips over the banana peel as Dave Demento looks on in the corner in disbelief.

Ted Cedar: Can somebody please retrieve that banana peel? This is becoming insane.

Adam Dennis: Insane? I think this is hilarious, Ted. What a match!

Demento picks up the banana peel and proceeds to eat the rotten banana left in the peel. He chews it up before spitting it in Stevie’s face. Multiple shots of XWA fans puking are shown as Adam Dennis leaves the broadcast booth in a hurry, presumably to puke his guts out.

Ted Cedar: That was disgusting. As an XWA staff member. I apologize for all of you at home who just threw up due to Dave Demento’s acts.

Demento grabs Stevie’s head of hair and proceeds to deliver a standing suplex. Dave quickly goes for the pin but realizes that the referee is down. Demento quickly gets up and signals for another referee as he heads onto his knees next to a downed Stevie Kerpowski. Demento locks in a Triangle Choke Hold as Andrew Greenway looks on in fear. Demento forces pressure on Stevie’s neck as “Mr. All Smiles” starts foaming at the mouth.

Ted Cedar: And it looks as if Stevie Kerpowski is out. Can we please get a referee to call off this match?

Demento releases the hold as Andrew Greenway hops onto the ring apron. Greenway begins to taunt Double-D as it riles the crowd up. Demento panders to the fans or a brief second before hitting the Maple Leaf Special on Greenway! Andrew collapses on the ring apron and hits the ground with a hard thud.

Ted Cedar: Greenway is out! Greenway is out! It looks as if Dave Demento is the only conscious man in the ring.

Dave Demento exits the ring and grabs a microphone and a steel chair. Laura Watts agrees to his requests, as there is no one to stop him. Demento enters the ring and proceeds to set up the chair while grinning at the crowd. Demento proceeds to sit on the chair with the microphone on hand.

Ted Cedar: This won’t end well. Somebody please take the microphone away from that sick son of a bitch.

Demento rises from the seat and starts pummeling Stevie with some kicks. Demento, realizing his domination, sits right back down again.

Dave Demento: Did you guys just see what I did there? I proved that I’m the best technical wrestler in the world by choking out this upcoming star. I knocked him out cold as all of you just sat there and watched. Nobody could have stopped me. I even took out his manager. How good am I?

The fans start turning on Dave Demento as he starts grinning at the heat.

Dave Demento: All my life. I’ve been told that I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough to become a champion. I’ve been through the ranks in Japan. I’ve been arrested in Australia due to my wrestling nature. I’ve been jeered in the United Kingdom. So, do you guys think your hatred affects me?

The XWA fans in attendance here tonight start jeering Dave Demento even louder. Some fans start throwing objects into the ring. A water bottle makes its way to Double D’s head and busts him open.

Dave Demento: Nice aim son. You see, last week on Vendetta, I lost to Drake Dysfunction. That’s right, your Intercontinental Champion. Your Intercontinental Champion who is defending his championship in tonight’s main event. But the catch is, he was just a tune-up match for me. I’ve traveled the world and competed on some of the greatest stages of the sport of professional wrestling. But the XWA is different. The XWA is a whole new challenge. I lost because I had to adapt to the style that the owners in the back want me to do. But now, this will become my yard. I’m done with all this entertainment shit. If you give me a microphone, I won’t follow the script. If you let me get into the ring, I will kick my opponent’s ass so hard that they won’t know what went through them. That is why I’m going to become your XWA World Heavyweight Champion. I’m Dave Demento and this is my revolution.

Demento drops the mike and then he folds up the steel chair. He viciously smacks Stevie in the back multiple times before he chucks it outside. Demento sees a staggering Andrew Greenway reaching his feet on the outside of the ring. Dave starts running the ropes and connects with a Suicide Dive on Stevie’s manager! Dave gets up slowly and grabs his left arm as he’s met with a Suicide Dive from Stevie Kerpowski! Both men are down as Adam Dennis runs to the ring with a referee shirt on his body.

Ted Cedar: What is my broadcast colleague doing with that referee shirt? If he’s the referee, things are going to get real screwy.

Adam Dennis pulls up both men and proceeds to roll them both in the ring. Our new referee rolls the unconscious body of Jack Hammer to the outside as he restarts the match. Both Stevie and Dave look on in confusion as Dave strikes first. Stevie ducks a Maple Leaf Special and connects with a spinning back fist.

Ted Cedar: I guess Stevie is taking a page from Demento’s book.

Stevie then connects with a snap suplex and goes for the pin.

…1…

…2…

Kickout! Stevie stares at Adam Dennis before turning his smile into a sick and twisted grin. Stevie starts laughing maniacally as he grabs Adam Dennis by the shirt collar. Stevie pushes Dennis into the corner. Stevie pushes his body against Dennis and grins like a Cheshire cat.

Ted Cedar: That’s a sexual harassment charge right there folks.

Out of nowhere, Dave Demento delivers a step-up high knee to the back of Stevie Kerpowski’s cranium. Kerpowski is down as Adam Dennis seems relieved. Dave Demento picks up the downed body of Stevie Kerpowski and hoists him on his shoulders. He launches him up and connects the knee with the face!

Ted Cedar: Dave Demento just hit The Sleeper! This one should be all over!

…1…

…2…

…3…

Ted Cedar: As much as I hate his attitude. You have got to respect Dave Demento for his work tnight.

DING! DING! DING!

Dave Demento rises to his feet as he is all smiles. Our replacement referee, Adam Dennis, stands by his side and raises his hand.

Laura Watts: The winner of the match and the NEW number one contender for the Rising Star Division Championship: Dave Demento!

Demento heads towards the turnbuckle and ascends it. As he celebrates for the crowd in Philly, he often makes championship motions on his stomach; making it clear that he will become the next RSD Champion in the XWA.

Ted Cedar: Dave Demento will have a close eye on the television tonight as he will face the winner of tonight’s RSD Championship match. Hitman Alex versus Riley Williamson later tonight here at XWA Revolutionary Wars.