Posts : 1551 Join date : 2013-07-30 Age : 87 Location : Hii-Heee!!!
Subject: Re: PROMO | James Carlisle - "Intelligenitals" Tue Jul 15, 2014 8:54 am
As XWA Vendetta returns from commercials, we are immediately exposed to perhaps the most televised man on the show, Ted Cedar, standing by at the back with his hands deep in both pockets and the crowd cheer for their beloved personality.
**Joey Miles** **“DA FUQ?!! What’s that fat fuck doing back there?! I thought he went for a piss break?!!”**
Even from the arena Joey's voice projects like Jesus through the technology of commentary. Ted looks over his shoulder, breaking into a half-pace back and forth and taking his hand out only to peer down at his wristwatch inquisitively, breathing a deep sigh as he fidgets for a bit when a voice all but screams at him, not as much loud as it is unexpected.
Carlisle “HUMMMMMMMMMM!!!”
Ted Cedar “SWEET JEEESSU--!!!”
Ted doesn’t finish, startled out of his wits but the aging personality quickly silences his tongue from the camera in true professional fashion. His chest rapidly inflating and deflating, composing himself as he leers up to see James Carlisle, sitting with his legs crossed over one another, his eyes closed, writhing back and forth in a trance like state, an unusual ‘Magneto’ helmet on his head. Gasping for breath, Ted looks up at Carlisle, sitting ridiculously high on an unseen perch, continuing with a consistent ‘humming’ well-polished in either oil or sweat, his chest almost as polished as his shiny, helmet, having adopted a new look underneath with not a single hair in sight since he was last seen pinning Derek Walter in glorious fashion the week before. Almost amused by Cedar’s discomfort “The Intelli-Gent” smiles, his eyes still closed, ceasing his chanting before beaming at him with an almost maniacal grin, but to call it maniacal would be profiling, everyone has the right to grin like a crazy person after all.
Ted Cedar “James are you going to come down at all?”
Carlisle “Hummmm… obvvviously not Ted, can’t you not seeee I’m in the middle of medditaatinnnnnggg?”
Ted Cedar “I’m not sure I…”
Carlisle smiles.
Carlisle “Hummm what is surre Tedd? Life is a test of uncertainntyyyyyy! Hummmm!”
The self-professed “Sex Brainac” continues...
Ted Cedar “Look, James. I was told you wanted to see me, I’m sure Brian or Mike could have…”
The humming abruptly stops, and Carlisle's eyes finally open. Carlisle turns his head and shoots Cedar a stern stare.
Carlisle “Damn it, Ted must you ruin my chi?”
**Joey Miles** **“HIS CHI CAN TAKE A SHIT TED, GET YOUR ASS BACK OUT HERE!!”**
And just like that, Carlisle calmly lowers his hands and tumble rolls from the high ground and onto a perfect landing on the concrete, standing straight, glaring Ted down.
Carlisle “Okay Mr. Impatient, you win!! Now where are we?”
Cedar looks puzzled, somewhat unsettled as he clears his throat nervously.
Ted Cedar “Well… we could start by congratulating you on a fantastic match tonight, I don’t think any of the fans out there minded the outcome that much, you put up a solid performance tonight.”
Carlisle “Was there ever any doubt, Ted? Now enough needless conversation and let’s get down to brass tacks, shall we? I’ve brought you here Ted, I’ve brought you here for a reason. I’ve brought you here, and you particularly because… YOU’RE TED CEDAR!”
James throws his arms out with a ridiculous grin, showcasing Ted as if he were some grand prize on a game show.
Ted Cedar “...And?”
The awkwardness continues, the camera cutting to the crowd watching on the monitor in dimmed down arena.
Carlisle “You’re Ted Cedar! The voice of Vendetta!! Loved by millions around the world, everybody absolutely adores you, Ted! YOU! TED CEDAR!!! The way I see it, Ted… I’ve been here for what… a week now…”
**Joey Miles** **“THAT’S HORSESHIT, JOBBER!!”**
Carlisle “Okay you got me, Ted.. you’re smarter than you look. I may have been here for more than a week, let’s say a week and one day, taking into account my Australian timezone.…”
A small "HORSESHIT! HORSESHIT!" chant erupts in the crowd.
Carlisle "The point is Ted… I’m not established here, where as you are an established STAR. You Ted, you’ve been here for all the Headhunters, for all the Spykes, for all the David Michaels, the Ash Wheelers and yes even the HHH619’s!”
**Joey Miles** **“What the hell’s a HHH619?!!”**
Carlisle “Over the years You’ve been instrumental in making each of those people household names, you have been instrumental in making them stars in your own little way… and with my brilliant intellect and cutting edge logic, I figured why bother trying to build myself up on the slow-burner, why go through all that long and exhausting run of match after match, when I have an established icon of this business right in front of me right now.”
Carlisle turns his back ever so slightly, pulling something a hint of something shiny from his trunks.
Carlisle “So Ted… any ideas on how to make me a star... beating bald people and clowns up isn't fantastically impressive...”
Ted Cedar “Well it takes a lot of hard work, a lot of dedication, I’m not quite sure how you think I can help you in just one night. If you’d like I could bounce some ideas around with you if you would have just asked, think about it and...”
Carlisle “Oh but Ted, I’m a super intelligent genius… I am always thinking…”
"The Evil Genius" slips on what are clearly brass knuckles, custom with little pink brain stickers on them and Ted Cedar takes a gasp of horror…
Ted Cedar “No… NO BUH GAW NO?!!”
Cedar’s pleas fall on deaf ears as Carlisle clenches his fist, Vendetta was about to lose it’s commentator indefinitely… Carlisle takes a step, but as super-intelligent as he is, his footing slips up on the very cables attached to the camera filming this madness and Carlisle stumbles backwards, abruptly bouncing from something behind him, turning around Carlisle’s expression changes as he is suddenly dwarfed by a virtual nobody in the business… two hundred and fifty six pounds of nobody… and that nobody was legitimately pissed, blankly staring down at the liquid splattered all over his singlet, a partially empty bottle of Diet Soda still near crushed in his thick grip…
**Joey Miles** **“What… is… that??!”**
The mountain of a man begins to snort, fuming red, his eyeballs ablaze with volcanic rage. Carlisle cowers backward slightly, squinting and trying to recognize this man-beast with a prohibited monkey on his singlet covered in beverage.
Carlisle “I don’t suppose you’d prefer a Coke Zero... or will a Pepsi sweeten the deal more??”
Carlisle chuckles sheepishly, as Mr. Legit Wrestling is shaking in his boots about to implode, Carlisle clearing his throat, reaching back to scratch his head before LUNGING FOR THE JUGULAR with the brass knuckles!!! All too willing to oblige, Mr. Legit Wrestling rushes forward, the knuckles merely bouncing off his head with little effect in the frantic pace, swooping at the quick-thinking genius, stealing the air as Carlisle nimbly weaves around him. A boom-mic dies as Buddy Bruiser swings his arms wildly, something shatters in the background and the camera violently shakes as he too is swept up by this raging hurricane, the camera realigning itself to only just catch the refocused feed of Carlisle, his face caked in white powder apparently, snatched up and the emphasis is suddenly on the window pane behind the warring grapplers.
Carlisle “no NO no no NO!!!”
The word “FUUUUC-“ is quickly cut off as Carlisle is violently thrown into the air, crashing through the glass which dramatically shatters, remnants and shards echoing from the cold concrete as James hits the floor with a less elaborate thud.
**Joey Miles** **“OH SHIT!!!”**
Ted Cedar “ENOUGH! ENOUGH OF THIS!!! THIS IS MADNESS… JUST MADNESS?!!”
Almost immediately the room is swamped with thick-necked security, heated words firing off in the air like gunshots as Mr. Legit Wrestling throws his weight around like an unstoppable juggernaut, eventually torn away from the frame of the camera which peers in to inspect Carlisle, groggily rolling across the concrete, his face a crimson mask, shaking his head as tiny pieces of glass drop from the hairs of his head.
**Joey Miles** **“Now get back here Ted and call something, and bring me a diet soda so I can break someone's shit too!!!”**
Ted Cedar “Ladies and gentlemen, there’s blood and glass everywhere, James Carlisle has been busted wide open, its complete chaos! I just can’t even begin to… this is a live trainwreck?!!”
Ted speaks erratic with emotion into the camera, stepping over broken things and debris like a journalist in a warzone and the feed zooms in on James, bloodied and battered, rearing his head up from the floor with a grin cracking through his grimace… **Joey Miles** **“FUCK?!!”**
And the show goes on.
Gopher Love Bites
Posts : 9666 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31 Location : Arlington, Texas
Subject: Re: PROMO | James Carlisle - "Intelligenitals" Tue Jul 15, 2014 9:11 am
This was certainly interesting. I'm looking forward to seeing where this Mr. Legit Wrestling and James feud goes.
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Subject: Re: PROMO | James Carlisle - "Intelligenitals"
Subject: PROMO | James Carlisle - "Intelligenitals" 
