| | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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 |  Subject: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:12 am | |
| Jaylon Brown won the 3 points via no-show. I don't know what happened with Riley Daniels here. Hopefully he's good and ready to go next week. If you want a little constructive criticism, shoot a PM to Jay and he will give you some feedback sometime tomorrow, as he will not be around tonight. |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:13 am | |
| Maestro posted a match and won, so let that be known in the XWA history books. Unfortunately, both men, one way or another, are gone from the fed. See ya! |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:14 am | |
| I know there is a no-show rule, but I'm considering not booking Scott St. Vincent next week as I have no clue what Amani is up to with this. I will be giving you feedback shortly, Akira.
Last edited by Ian on Sun Aug 18, 2013 3:17 pm; edited 1 time in total |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:15 am | |
| Whether or not I book Kenyon for the card next week is iffy. He had a decent excuse about why he didn't show up. Like I said in the roster thread, The Franchise may also be welcomed back but we need to have a discussion. For now, both of you are safe, but no-shows are awful. |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:18 am | |
| Grader: Jay - Dwight Lights:
It seems like ever week I give the same kind of advice to people, that being to slow down the match a little bit. Give a few lines between the big stuff happening so that it is easy to follow. I keep getting lost in the match. Not because it isn't well written, but because I am trying to keep up with the pace of everything happening. A highlight is, I really liked all of the out of ring action. It is a change of pace from reading matches that don't even head to the outside at all. It's more realistic that something or another happens on the outside. The surprise pin was a good spot as well I didn't see the match ending so quickly, and it caught me off guard. There wasn't really anything that was amazing about the match. It had it's points, like the headscisssors takedown off the handstand. I was impressed with your ingenuity.
- Dysfunction:
This match heated up fast. I went to skip ahead through the entrances and missed the opening bit, then I got confused for a second as the match was already underway. Not your fault. Totally mine for assuming. Great quick start though, hitting the tornado DDT in the first bit is something that I really mark for. It sets up a high energy match. Missing the finisher in the early going surprised me. You mention that it was early to see it, and it didn't ring true to someone that was a champion just to be reckless so soon. The rest of the match went pretty typically. This is the part where I say you should slow down a little bit. So much happening in so few lines makes it hard to stay focused on what is going on. It might just be me. There is nothing that I can say was great about the match, but on the flipside there isn't a whole lot that I can say bad about it either. It was a solid show.
- Who Wins?:
I feel like both of you could have put more into the match. Like I said to both of you, if you slow it down a bit, add a little more in between moves, it would flow better. This match felt like a sprint to the end, from both of you. That isn't to say that either match was particularly bad. It's really actually the opposite. They were good, they just could have been better, and I am pretty sure you both knew that already. This was a pretty close match, but in the end I am going to have to give it to Dwight Lights. I feel like his match was more evenly balanced between the two, and he made good use of his surroundings despite the match being shorter and stopping abruptly.
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| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:18 am | |
| Grader: Snoopz Razor Xtreme: Your descriptions are pretty good. Not great, but pretty good. Your action was quite good, as well. I like your use of Razor and JHalc throughout the post. A lot of dialogue in there, which I'm a fan of. Allows both characters to get their gimmicks across. You seemed to do a bit more for Razor in that regard, but you didn't totally neglect JHalc, so that's fine. All in all, this was a pretty good match by you. The action was good, it was back and forth so you made both guys look good, good characterization, etc. Great job. JHalc: Interesting start to your match. JHalc just losing his shit and what not. Good descriptions from you, as well, better than Razor's. Your action was good. You didn't do as much in the form of characterization as Razor did, though you did some. Mainly for JHalc. I quite liked the quick series of pins at one point in your match. You had an excellent finish as well. Not a bad match, but I definitely feel you could do better. Verdict: I'm going to have to give the decision to Razor Xtreme here. I just feel his post edged Jay's. Jay had better description, they were both pretty close in the action department and Razor had better characterization and storytelling throughout his post. It was a pretty close match, though. While I felt you both did good, I still feel you both could have done better. This was a good match, but not as good as I expected from the both of you. |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:19 am | |
| Grader: Ian - Demento:
An interesting way to start, but it was done the right way. Williamson gets the fans into the match immediately by hitting a huge move, as does Hitman Alex. It's difficult to write for three people at a time so this is a pretty common tactic of writers. The victory lap for Riley Williamson after the suicide dive was a bit much. I don't get the count out spot. I don't think triple threat matches can end in count out. I'm not going to hurt you too much for this because you did have the announcers explain it.
I thought your match was fairly good. Characterization wasn't what I was hoping for. Description wasn't top of the line either. It was certainly entertaining, and it incorporated the two biggest aspects of the match very well... You used the triple threat stipulation well as well as involving the Hitman Alex/Riley Williamson feud. The spot at the end where Demento throws Riley into Alex which is essentially the beginning of the end was nice, and overall the finish was pretty good.
- Hitman:
“Dave is fighting as if he was fighting for his life“ is exactly the kind of thing I was trying to explain to you before... This doesn't say anything. It's not helping to set the scene... It's just... There. I generally don't like deviating from standard protocol but I think you did a good job with the start of the match. You made it seem chaotic and exciting. I really like that the referee made everyone get in the ring to start the match, despite what happened. It was a good way for Riley to get some cheers but have a logical false-ending to get the fans on their toes.
There were a couple of problems I had with your spot with EG Deal.
1. Demento hits the GTS before you mention EG Deal, implying he hits the move and within two or three seconds he sprints from the back to the ring. 2. The Big Show doesn't slide under the ropes in real life... I'm not sure how EG would... I liked the idea but I think the execution was poor.
Characterization wasn't really a big factor in your match, but you did do some work on it after the bell. Description is not a strong suit of yours as I've said, as you add way more information than is necessary and you tend to repeat things. The match despite most of it happening before the match, was somewhat entertaining. You had a higher word count but Dave's match in comparison definitely read longer. The finish was good. You kept Riley from the loss and even though you couldn't tell it from his celebration, Hitman Alex didn't look particularly strong, which was a good way to write this, all things considered. I think you did well to incorporate triple threat aspects, but your strongest area, in terms of what I was looking for, was how you incorporated the ongoing feuds. Nice work.
- Williamson:
I thought your match did a good job with just about everything I was looking for. Characterization was there in both a subtle way and an obvious way. Description wasn't the best but it's on par with what others had. Entertainment was unspectacular, but solid. You did well to incorporate the triple threat aspect as well as the feuds.... but your finish was awful.
“Alex begins measure Riley up and as Riley turns around Alex puts Riley’s head on his shoulders and tries to hit the HKO, but Riley pushes him off. Alex stops dead in his tracks and turns around
1..
2...
3....
Ding,Ding,Ding!!!”
…. What the hell happened here? Alex stops dead in his tracks and turns around but what the hell happened? You didn't say Riley pins Dave or anything... just Alex gets pushed and boom Riley wins.
Conclusion: I enjoyed doing this match as it was fairly close between the three of you. I was looking for six things, as I stated in your individual write-ups: Characterization, Description, Entertainment, Finish, Triple Threat, and Feud. Like most Riley Williamson matches I've gotten to grade, he was excellent in (almost) all of the grading areas. However, this time, as I stated in the write-ups, he made a significant error that cost him the match. Because of this, we have a new RSD Champion - Hitman Alex. I think it would be best if Riley and Hitman wrapped things up because frankly Riley is too good right now to be a "rising star," and as the longest reigning RSD Champion in history I think it's time he moves on. Obviously I thought Hitman Alex's match was the best match overall, as he won, but I think Dave Demento is right there with him. Good showing by all three.
Last edited by Ian on Sun Aug 18, 2013 3:14 pm; edited 2 times in total |
| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:19 am | |
| Grader: Jay - Chill D-0-Double-G:
Your match got going real fast at the beginning, which I really liked. The first real offense was the powerbomb and the way that it was written made me cringe. You had Ian get a lot more offense in the early going than I was hoping for. Your match didn't really have any momentum swing. David really didn't do much other than get his ass handed to him. It doesn't seem like they went shot for shot off the start like would be the case in an even matchup, even though the flying enziguri was a pretty sick spot. Your finisher was really the first bit of offense that you had, and it was only out of desperation. It might just be me, but it felt like you killed off everything that Flare had going for him in one shot and kind of leveled the playing field even though you had taken so much punishment. JHalc comes down with a sickening shot that puts David back on the offense and one SCM later the match is over. I definitely wanted a little more to it. However, you had the storyline of them being rivals beautifully written from the start. The announcers saying that they were longtime foes, and Anal Fever spotting the superkick coming and turning it into an ankle lock made me mark for the old days. Then adding JHalc to the mix to inadvertently screw his friend on accident and hand the win to an enemy was a great finish to the story and gave something to look forward to. I also like that you didn't forget about the big world title tournament picture.
- Lan:
FIX YOUR DAMN COLOR CODES HOMO! Also, you had some misplaced "Michaels" and "Flares" in there. A couple spots where you walked up on yourself, of Michaels kicked himself in the face. You should definitely proof these things. The match started off how I would have wanted it to. Both men were fighting just to gain some kind of advantage on one another, with Evan Flare's mat savvy being what got the better of the battle. It kind of played to both characters I thought. David Michaels has always been a primary striker, at least in my head, while Anal Fever has always been more on the technical side. Getting mixed up on the mat for the first half of the match was definitely not the smart play by Michaels but you made it seem decently balanced before finally taking over. Michaels takes a lot of punishment on the arm, but the you just pulled that spinning headscissors ddt out of nowhere. I was surprised to see Michaels stay on offense to be honest. You had David hit a couple signatures, seemingly about to put the match away and then you threw on the ankle lock that completely turned the match around again. I really enjoyed the momentum swings you have built up. The last bit of the match lost me for a second. I had to reread it to make sure I understood it right. The match probably could have ended right after the spinning back fist, but you added the exclamation mark on at the end to make sure there would be no kick out. I don't really count things that happen after the bell but I feel like you wrapped up the story between the two that has been going on for years. Evan Flare finally conquering. Almost brings a tear to my eye.
- Who Wins?:
I have decided that this match will be a draw. The two of you both put in a lot of effort and I feel as if it would be unfair to declare an official winner. Chilly had a beautiful story painted in his match and he came out like a hero having a lot of heart and getting lucky with the inadvertent interference. Ian had a pretty dark story of dissecting a body part and then finally pulling one over on a longtime rival in a big way. You are both excellent story tellers, and you both had me actually enjoying being the one to grade. The thing is, though they are equal in story, and equal in how realistic and descriptive the match was, there really is a blatant winner when it comes to the actual action. So long story short, I was just fucking with you when I said it was a draw. It makes it more dramatic this way anyways. Its been like a whole paragraph now without me saying who won. The better actual action, as I stated in his section, came from Ian. The match had the twists and turns that I was hoping for in an even matchup. That is why he picks up the win this time around. I really hope that you guys go again sometime in the future because I would happily grade another bout between you two.
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| | | | Eeyen
TeamMoose
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:20 am | |
| Grader: Snoopz Minkaro: I liked the beginning of your match. Instead of going the usual route, you tried something different and it paid off. I like your storytelling throughout the match. Your descriptions are always quite good. No commentary, though? The fuck you think this is, 2WWF?  I keed, of course. But yeah, I love the traditional David vs. Goliath story you tell here. Selling could use a little work and the match didn't have much in the form of innovative action, although it was entertaining in a storytelling way. That's all I can really fault you for, though. It was a pretty good match. Not quite your standard, but good nonetheless. E.G. Deal: Your descriptions have improved greatly since the last time I've read a match of yours. It's hard to believe you're only 12. If I hadn't Skyped with you, I probably wouldn't believe it. I also liked the beginning of your match. Minkaro being smart. Although I'm not sure he would do something as cheap as that. Please change the color of Ted Cedar's name. It's nearly impossible to read without highlighting it. Not a big deal and I'm not gonna dock any points for it, but still. It's something that can make the post that much easier for the reader. Your action is pretty good. Nothing overly entertaining, but good for what it is. Making Deal bleed from a Shining Wizard was kind of stupid, to be honest. The Smoke Xtreme thing kinda confused me, too. At first, at least. I think I understand it. Xtreme doesn't want the faces to win in the tournament, so he helps Deal win and then gives him one of the top faces who are doing good in the tournament as his opponent next week. That what you were going for? If so, then yeah, I see it. It makes sense. All in all, a pretty damn good post for you. Some faults, but it was good. Verdict: This is a surprisingly close match for me to call. Both of you did good. While I felt Mink didn't quite reach his standard, Abdel really impressed me based on what I've seen of him before and now. He's improved greatly. In the end though, I can only pick one and I have to go with Minkaro. Sorry, Abdel, but don't let this loss get you down. You took on one of the best fedders I've ever met and came close to winning. That's an accomplishment on its own for somebody of your age. I can't imagine how good you'll be a couple years from now. I just feel like Mink bested you in every category, if only by a little bit. His storytelling was great, which is what mainly won him the match for me. Good job to both of you, though. |
| | | | Eeyen
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:20 am | |
| Grader: Ian - Cultural Experience:
Not really sure why you did entrances... You did use the opportunity to add some depth to the match by describing the demeanor of the participants so it's not really fluff. Nice opening paragraph of action. Diveraz is the closest thing to a heel in the match and it's highlighted immediately. I must say your match reads very easily. There are some brief bits of commentary in there (Such as your George Lopez remark) which aren't needed but they're fun for the reader I suppose. Some commentary that can apply to the entire fed: We have way too many people doing the pele kick for the fans to explode every time.
I think this was an excellent performance and a lot of what I was looking for was in here. Great characterization throughout. The match wasn't extremely descriptive but it was enough to where I knew what I needed to know, so it flowed very well. The match was fun to read. I wished it were a little longed because it didn't really read long, if you know what I'm saying. It read like a 10 or 12 minute match would, I think. It's realistic, so you'll get points there, but it just seemed like there should have been more. The finish was very well done and I liked that you incorporated the current storylines into the dynamic between Takumi and Dominik. All of the things that happened made sense and it was very well done. The dynamic between Caleb and Greg was well done as well, as you seemed to write that they had the desire to have chemistry together (the tag team moves) but weren't immediately in sync with one another (Caleb having to whisper spots to Greg.)
- Spires and Samuel:
The first thing I feel that is worth noting: Your opponent would have to have a lot of strength for you to be able to land on your feet off of a belly to belly suplex attempt. I'm not so sure how realistic I think that is. Immediately after that you follow up with an exceptional tag-team-spot. Another issue... Why would Takumi be confused by the tag gesture? That doesn't seem to make sense either. I like that tag-team moves seems to be a theme. Another thing I noticed is you referred to Dominik as “the man that lost the intercontinental Championship last week” on two different occasions. It just seemed... weird.
I think there was a lot of really good aspects here and a lot of really bad ones. I'll start with the bad ones. Although you did get them a lot of offense, your ending made it seem like Takumi and Dominik weren't in the same league as the two of you in terms of tag-teaming. Equally as questionable was the fact each team was presented as essentially equals in terms of fluidity as a team. Another thing I have to say is this match really read long. Despite there not being a big difference in word count, your match read almost twice as long, and the action didn't really gel at time; maybe I'm crazy but the writing styles didn't seem to mesh. Characterization was both good and bad, so I'll use that as the transition material. You guys did excellent on yourselves, but I don't think you did the Takumi/Dominik relationship justice. The good is, you had a lot more action and there were a lot more moves involved. The finish certainly was on spot and the match was entertaining throughout.
- Conclusion:
Despite there being a lot of flaws with Greg and Caleb's match, I really thought this one was close because of the description of action/moves. Greg and Caleb's match was LOADED and frankly if that were all I were judging them on it would have been a small landslide. However, at the end of the day I think they made too many mistakes in certain spots. I don't like how Takumi or Dominik were presented and that was the deciding factor in this one... The winner: Cultural Experience.
Last edited by Batmane on Sun Aug 18, 2013 6:31 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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| | Subject: Re: Vendetta #56 Grades Sun Aug 18, 2013 8:58 pm | |
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