Two matches and already The Logging Crew get a shot at the champions.  Even without the titles on the line, this one has serious implications.

Damn straight Ted, you know Dominik Diveraz is watching and hoping the champ gets the shit kicked outta him.

Jim and the heavyweight champion stare one another down amidst an electric atmosphere. The Vancouver faithful are hoping for a bit of mutually assured destruction on this night. The master of the pulp hook holds his arms at his sides, wiggling his fingers in an almost serpentine fashion, while the Texan flexes his shoulders. The action starts slowly, a little pushing a shoving and finally a collar and elbow. Michaels manages to get a headlock, which he grinds in mercilessly. Big Jim tries an atomic drop but the champion maintains control. The Show-stealer seems mildly amused, and shakes his head in disapproval of the logger’s proposed offensive offering. Instead, he takes Jim to the ropes and runs his head from turnbuckle to turnbuckle, displaying the finer points of friction. He releases his quarry and cocks his right hand for a knockout blow. Jim manages to duck a roundhouse that would have stopped a Buick, and scoops the big man’s legs to put him on his back.

Jim’s got that sixth sense Joey…

That or he’s luckier than a dog with two dicks….Cletus told me that one

The Black Rapids bruiser delivers a series of elbow drops to the inside of his foe’s left leg and gives a leg drop in between those legs for good measure. Stepping around the prone titlist, Jim rakes his eyes with a well-placed boot. With that, he tags Cletus and the loggers perform a double hamstring pull. Michaels drags himself to the corner, but receives a cannonball senton for his trouble.  Dragging the stunned titleholder away from the corner, Cletus aims to apply his Argentine leglock. Sadly for him, David isn’t nearly staggered enough to allow himself to fall prey to the hold that got Cletus and his partner the victory over the Nest. A few kicks with his free leg manages to free Michaels from the submissive prospect and sends the lumberjack stumbling, with a thought to review the situation. The Heartbreak Kid is slow to his feet, careful not to put too much weight on his injured leg. His partner extends his hand for a tag, but JHalc’s face slackens as he shouts a warning. In response, David just averts a chop block from Cletus and the lumberman catches a face full of turnbuckle.

Oh! That ain’t gonna do much for his looks….

Cletus burns on that one, the tag champs aren’t going to get caught like that.

The Britannic Texan seems slightly affronted by the blindside attack that may well have cost him the match. He stands Cletus up in the corner and, bracing himself against the taut rope cables, drives his knee into the panting stomach of the Beaubears Island native. Then Michaels takes hold of his victims chin, props up his head, and with a smirk to Big Jim, smashes his elbow into Cletus’ face. The assembled masses cringe collectively, as Cletus' nose crunches beneath Johnny’s arm and the birler lets out an agonised whoop that echoes through the rafters. Pleased at this, Michaels decides to throw a half dozen more elbows into the ugly face of his foe, as insurance. Michaels looks to his corner, and receives an approving nod, before returning to the matter at hand. He raises the challenger’s head once more, but gets a boot to the gut from his intended target. He blunders backward as Cletus rushes to make the tag. Big Jim wastes no time entering the ring and hitting a high knee on the champion. Then, in a daring move, he mounts the ropes to prepare for a double axe handle, but falls directly into the path of a powerful lariat that flips him 180 degrees in the air; he lands with a thud accompanied by pop-induced cheering. David rakes the challenger’s eyes with his boot, proving turnabout is fair play. Then he drapes the prone body over the second rope and executes a leapfrog body guillotine, before tagging JHalc.

The champions are taking control of this one, I think the Logging Crew was a bit too green coming into this one.

What are you, some kinda logger now?  A little green?

It’s an expression Joey.

Yeah, one about trees!

The Jack of Hearts swaggers into the ring and executes a photographic rolling thunder on the motionless logger. Following up with an ankle lock brings Big Jim back to reality as he struggles and strains to free himself, or get to the ropes. At length, Jim reaches back and grabs JHalc’s leg, and, calling on his reserve energy by rolling through, manages to apply an STF in reply. David Michaels has seen enough and drops his entire 227 pounds across Big Jim’s back, breaking the hold. Cletus isn’t going to wait for an engraved invitation either and all four men soon turn the match into a complete donnybrook. 

Nothing much has caught for the Logging Crew thus far, maybe a little scuffle will break something loose, or maybe just break something…

Arms and legs flying everywhere, this is definitely the lumberjacks’ game.

Sure, you get in close like that, you can cheat like it’s nobody’s business.

Conveniently, the larger of the two pairs tumble through the ropes to the floor.  They trade a few haymakers before both retiring, leaving the legal men to continue their struggle. JHalc pushes back from his burly aggressor and dips to deliver a drop toe hold that reintroduces Jim’s face to the canvas. The Jack of Hearts mounts the ropes and waits patiently as his prey turns to face a cross body. The official gets into position, but the perverse pulp peeler has enough in the tank to kick out at two.  Undaunted, JHalc makes to deliver a springboard moonsault. His execution is flawless, but the keen eye and killer instinct that has robbed life from many a moose in the harsh wilds of New Brunswick is just a hair quicker on this occasion. Jim rolls clear and his opponent goes splat.  The perverse pulp peeler grasps the tag champion’s legs and a struggle ensues as the larger man attempts a Boston Crab, but is fought by a nice bridge from wily adversary…

JHalc showing his ring savvy in this test of technical skill against Big Jim.

Savvy my ass, he’s fighting for his life in there.  Big Jim probably wants to mount this guy…then hang his head on the wall of that shack he and Cletus live in.

You’re all heart Joe.

The Jack of Hearts tries to ward off the cruel intentions of the lumberjack, but with a well placed boot to the sternum, he relinquishes his bridge for a split second. Big Jim takes advantage of the momentary lapse in defensive co-ordination and uses his sheer power to roll JHalc onto his front, before sitting on his haunches and pulling back on his legs. JHalc emits a scream of pain as the 245 pound lumberjack bends his spine, aiming to force the champion into submission. However, showing the will and desire that earned him his spot, JHalc claws his way to the bottom rope and grabs hold of it with his outstretched finger. Big Jim keeps hold of the Boston Crab up to the referee's count of 4 before finally relinquishing his grip and standing up, whereupon the referee admonishes him for taking a bite out of the count.

A veteran move from Big Jim to utilize the referee's 5 count. The weaker JHalc is, the better chance of putting one over on the tag team champions tonight.

No argument there, but Jim shouldn't waste time arguing with the referee. 

Jim strides back over to the champion, his futile debate with the official ending as innocuously as it began, and hauls JHalc to his feet. Before the challenger can execute whatever plan of action he's got, the Jack of Hearts throws his fingers into the eye sockets of the Black Rapids native, temporarily blinding the big man.  Sensing a momentum shift, he positions himself behind the lumberjack, wrapping his arms around Jim's waist and uses the weight of the big man to propel him backwards, bringing him back-first to the hard canvas with a dull thud.  The Jack of Hearts releases his grip from around the stomach of his opponent; clambering back to his feet and walking arrogantly back to his corner, tagging in the world champion once again. With a smirk on his face, Michaels re-enters the squared circle and imperiously stands over the downed lumberjack. Quickly changing gears, The Sexiest Man That Ever Lived hits the ring ropes and returns to drop his elbow into the chest of big Jim, the air violently sucked from the lungs of the birler. Michaels holds himself on top of his opponent and the man in the zebra stripes checks the shoulders of Big Jim, before slapping his hand to the mat twice, Jim raising his shoulder before the three count.

Jesus, that was close!  

I’ll say, Big Jim has to get out of there.

Unperturbed, Michaels grabs Jim by the scruff of the neck and hauls the Black Rapids native to his fullest verticality, whipping the lumberjack into the ropes. Upon his return, Michaels delivers a big boot, sending the twisted timber slayer to the mat. Once again, Michaels makes the cover but once again, Jim shows his intestinal fortitude by raising his shoulder at the count of 2.  Changing tack slightly, the Show-stopper walks over to the corner and lifts himself onto the second rope. As the crowd anticipates something impressive, Cletus strides along the ring apron and begins to berate the man with two titles.  With his man momentarily distracted, Big Jim scrambles to his feet and runs at Michaels, throwing his forearm into the cranial lobe of the Heartbreak Kid. Blindsided, the champion falls off the second rope, flipping forwards in mid-flight and landing on his back in the centre of the squared circle. All is still for a moment as Michaels lies supinely in the middle of the ring, with Jim draped over the bottom rope in exhaustion and pain, before the lumberjack starts to stir. Jim crawls towards his corner, and throws out his hand; the tag is made.

Not much of a reaction there Ted, these guys are Canadians, we’re in Canada, what gives?

I don’t think anyone in Canada is proud of the Logging Crew.  

Bullshit, everybody in this country has a permanent grin, there’s just so many Japs here on the west coast I bet they’re used to watching wrestling all silent.  You just wait they’ll probably clap after the next big move.

Cletus immediately tends to his partner, by giving him a stiff slap across the face.  This rouses the Sou’West Savage and now both members of the Crew stalk their quarry.  Though JHalc tries in vain to intercede he’s stopped by the official, allowing Cletus & Big Jim to pour more of their patented double double axe handles onto the already exasperated form of the world champ.  Laying flat, Michaels begins crawling to his corner.  Cletus lets him go, watching with a big shit-eating grin on his face, before pulling him back into the Logging Crew corner just as he’s inches away from reaching the safety of his own.  Sitting David up, he balls his fist and rains a few potatoes into his foe’s brow, then sinks his teeth in for good measure, gnawing on the world champ.  The official, of course, intercedes, forcing Cletus to go to his corner without supper and make the tag.

What cause can this man possibly have for biting?

Hunger I’d guess, you see how big he is?  I bet he eats for or five times a day, and shits bigger than you

In the instant it takes to switch lumbermen, the Crew are less than careful and David Michaels bounds across the ring to make a tag of his own.  Big Jim catches him by the tights and pulls him back, into a sleeper hold.  A simple hold like this though won’t quench the fires within the Show-Stealer; he quickly kicks his legs out from under himself and jacks Jim’ jaw with his noggin before bounding the extra few feet to slap hands with the Jack of Hearts.  Cletus is in the ring a step before the tag is made, while Big Jim rolls to the outside.  The pine island powerhouse takes on both members of D-Volution by himself, while his partner licks his wounds on the floor.  Michaels and JHalc trade blows with the burly beast of Beaubears, and soon overwhelm him.  He’s cast into the ropes and sent back into a pair of raised boots, which mash his mush.  JHalc continues the onslaught, amidst the chastisement of Jack Hammer, urging him to remove the illegal lumberjack from the ring.  On the outside, the world champ endeavours to find Big Jim and return him to the fray.  Slumped against the ropes, the twisted timber slayer looses a blinding flash when David turns him around.  The fireball leaves Michaels squirming and sightless, while Big Jim re-enters the ring.

Whoa!  Looks like Michaels saw the light!  

A heinous attack by Big Jim on the outside…

That’s math Ted, 2-1=1, and 2 always beat one

A clubbing forearm across JHalc’s back allows Cletus to escape the ring and return to his corner.  The two legal men fire a few shots into one another before JHalc takes the upper hand.  A thumb to the eye shifts the tide once more and Jim makes the tag.  Cletus delivers a jumping headbutt to the Jack of Hearts and sends the IC champ to the buckle.  Big Jim grasps his tights in order to make sure he goes nowhere as the Ferry Road freight train collides with him in a huge avalanche.  Another tag is made and Big Jim pins both of JHalc’s arms behind his back to allow Cletus a parting blow.  The shot goes pear-shaped when the man from Beaubears accidentally decks his mate when JHalc drops clear.  A low dropkick to the knee sends Cletus crashing to the mat and rolling to the floor.  Looking to his corner and seeing no one there the champion turns his gaze to the recumbent whistle punk.  He stands over Jim’s back, tucks his opponent's arms under his armpits, then rolls into a bridge, pulling the logger’s arms and applying pressure on them.  The Cattle Mutilation causes a wounded whoop to issue from Big Jim and raises the prospects for the tag champions.  Along with the pain, Jim fights to keep his shoulders from the mat.  Only a stomp from Cletus saves the day for the Crew.

Looks like all that two and one talk almost went up in smoke Joey.  Don’t underestimate JHalc!

Who’s underestimating?  He’s great, but this ain’t you’re with Mary-Jane Rotten-crotch Ted, close doesn’t count.

On the outside, David Michaels is beginning to feel his way around and makes his way back to his corner, his eyes squinted and red.  Cletus sees to this too however, taking his hand and running him through with the Clear Cut clothesline in the hopes of buying more time for he and his partner.  In the ring though Jim is on the receiving end of  a dragon screw legwhip, which wrenches his stump and prepares the way for a kneebar submission hold.  As the Jack of Hearts applies pressure with his hips, forcing his opponent's leg to straighten, thereby hyper-extending the knee joint, Jim drags his own weight, and that of his opposite, toward the ropes, sweat pouring from his pained visage.  When he’s close enough, Cletus drops from the apron to the floor and pulls his partner forward so he can reach the ropes.  The hold broken JHalc gives a piece of his mind to Cletus, who replies with a wad of spittle.  Jim takes advantage by managing to plant his good knee into the kidneys of the champion.  

See what I mean, two will always beat one.

This a travesty, the Logging Crew have no regard for the rules.  

Cry me a river…

Big Jim makes the tag and quickly approaches the downed JHalc laying in a few kicks, though visibly hobbled.  He grabs hold of one his opponent's arms, wraps his legs around JHalc's throat and arm in a figure four and squeezes. Meanwhile, Cletus slaps on the figure four and the Jack of Hearts is being put through the mill.  On the outside, Dave Micheals sees the danger within, and though still feeling the effect of the attacks he’s been subjected to, he’s on his feet and pissed off.  He mounts the ropes, unseen by any but the roaring throng, and jumps off, connecting with Cletus and breaking up the hold mere seconds after his partner, unaware his salvation was at hand, conceded the contest with a tap of his hand against the mat.