1st: PLB Penguins (CB): 1-0
Last Week: 15th(+14)
Result: W vs. Ferngully (138.0-92.0)
Total Points: 138.0(1st)
Current Streak: W1
-Wow. What a performance. PLB Penguins scoffed at their preseason ranking and came out punching Ferngully right in the mouth repeatedly. While there were a few standout players in Austin Ekeler(35), T.Y. Hilton(24), and Tyrell Williams(19), everybody held up their end of the bargain and worked as a team to make a statement in week 1. Not much else to say, but great job to the PLB Penguins. They’re looking to prove that this was no fluke as they attempt to start off 2-0 against another team hoping for the same.
Next Week: vs. Barn Cows (-7.5)
2nd: Flex Donovan’s Deal (Ian): 1-0
Last Week: 5th(+3)
Result: W vs. Ball Fondlers (129.0-98.0)
Total Points: 129.0(2nd)
Current Streak: W1
-Projected to be one of the top teams, Flex Donovan’s Deal left no doubt in week one that they were deserving of the hype. Fueled by tremendous outings from DeShaun Watson(30), DeSean Jackson(31), and Mark Ingram(22), Flex Donovan’s Deal rolled past Ball Fondlers with little issue. Denver’s defense did literally nothing for them, and Jared Cook(4) was nothing to celebrate, but the team fought hard as an overall unit and made an early season statement. They’ll have, on paper, an easier match-up in an effort to stay unbeaten through two weeks.
Next Week: vs. The Romie Remission (-5.0)
3rd: Louisville Losers (Rellim): 1-0
Last Week: 11th(+8)
Result: W vs. Huh’s Red Redskins (128.5-71.0)
Total Points: 128.5(3rd)
Current Streak: W1
-If this keeps up, these guys will have to change their name to the “Louisville Winners.” It was an impressive outing, featuring a 57.5 point blowout to open the season as the most lopsided match-up against the horrid Red Redskins. Kyle Rudolph did everything he could(or, did nothing, rather) to throw this game, but his teammates would have none of it. Led by running backs Christin McCaffrey(37!) and Chris Carson(20), with Carson Wentz(24) helping immensely, this team never looked back after an early lead. Odds are they keep it rolling this upcoming week.
Next Week: vs. Moose Nuggets (-16.5)
4th: Siekman06’s Team (Greg): 1-0
Last Week: 7th(+3)
Result: W vs. Leo’s Legendary Team (117.5-109.5)
Total Points: 117.5(4th)
Current Streak: W1
-Siekman came out strong in week 1, and was strongly challenged by Leo’s Legendary Team, but managed to pull out the victory despite his QB Cam Newton scoring 5 points. How does one overcome such an awful QB effort against another good team? Three 20+ scorers, that’s how. Keenan Allen(22), Marlon Mack(25), and TE Mark Andrews(20) stepped up to the plate to get this team off to a great start. The schedule continues to present a challenge next week against another team who came out victorious
Next Week: vs. Clown Town Bliggas (-2.0)
5th: Barn Cows (Caleb): 1-0
Last Week: 2nd(-3)
Result: W vs. MexiHawks (108.0-102.5)
Total Points: 108.0(6th)
Current Streak: W1
-It wasn’t always pretty in this back-and-forth affair, but the Barn Cows udderly shocked the MexiHawks with a clutch walk-off touchdown from Kenny Stills. Still, it wasn’t a full team effort. Patrick Mahomes(28), Amari Cooper(19), Kamara(19.5) led the way, while Kenyan Drake and OJ Howard flopped big time with only 3 points a piece. They will need to step up if they want to start the season off 2-0 as they will be facing the league’s highest scorer in week 2.
Next Week: @ PLB Penguins (+7.5)
6th: Clown Town Bliggas (Burdur): 1-0
Last Week: 10th(+4)
Result: W vs. Merlin Olsen Twins (104.5-104.0)
Total Points: 104.5(7th)
Current Streak: W1
-It was a tough fought match, but ultimately the Clown Town Bliggas suffered heartbreak, as they trailed .5 points when the Raiders began taking knees- wait, what? They’re gonna give Josh Jacobs one more hand off to get him an extra point?! Rookie Josh Jacobs(22.5) led the way for the Smurfs to get a victory, with fellow running back Le’Veon Bell(20) helping him out. QB Sam Darnold only came away with 13 as the third leading scorer(considering Malcolm Brown’s 17 were left on the bench), but only two players posted a score lower than 8.5. Next week there is a chance Antonio Brown can suit up and step in for this line up. Can they pull out another miracle against a team who looked great in week one?
Next Week: @ Siekman (+2.0)
7th: Attitude City Ninjas (Snoopz): 1-0
Last Week: 9th(+2)
Result: W vs. The Romie Remission (103.5-82.5)
Total Points: 103.5(9th)
Current Streak: W1
-The Attitude City Ninjas wok in a very unexpected way, yet still convincingly. Derrick Henry(27.5) plowed through the Browns, and the Jet’s defense(19) made life hell for the Bill’s offense for a majority of the game. However, there were some talented players who disappointed immensely. Baker Mayfield, Davante Adams, and Leonard Fournette only scored 22 points combined. The rest of the starters did their part, and it wasn’t very close, but 103.5 is not this team’s ceiling. The three aforementioned letdowns may not post 22 or less together for the rest of the season. They’ll be out to the test with another team trying to keep their record without a mark in the L department.
Next Week: vs. Cairo Camels (-12.0)
8th: Cairo Camels (Abdel): 1-0
Last Week: 3rd(-5)
Result: W vs. Moose Nuggets(101.0-94.0)
Total Points: 101.0(11th)
Current Streak: W1
-Posting the lowest point total of all winners, Cairo Camels did what they needed to do and pulled out a moderately close win with an incredibly inconsistent outing. Five of their performers posted an abysmal score of 4.5 or lower, including nothing from Cleveland’s defense and only a single point from Rashaad Penny. Thankfully, Cairo Camel’s four other performers balled out with at least 15 points including a splendid 33 from Dak Prescott and 21 from Larry Fitzgerald who will never retire. Cairo Camels will need a stronger all-around effort next week to increase to 2-0.
Next Week: @ Attitude City Ninjas (+12.0)
9th: Leo’s Legendary Team (Leo): 0-1
Last Week: 6th(-3)
Result: L vs. Siekman06 (109.5-117.5)
Total Points: 109.5(5th)
Current Streak: L1
-A valiant effort by Leo’s Legendary Team was thwarted by a top four scorer of the week in Siekman. Realistically, the entire team did a fine job and they likely could have won this if not for the early injury to Tyreek Hill(2) prematurely taking him out of the game. Tom Brady(25) scoffed at old age, T.J. Hockenson(22) had the best game you could ask of a rookie TE, and Harrison Butker’s(17) leg was on fire. The team fought hard, but unfortunately the loss of Tyreek was just a little too much to overcome. The Legends will look to shake it off against another solid team looking for their first win.
Next Week: @ MexiHawks (+5.0)
10th: Merlin Olsen Twins (Saintpat): 0-1
Last Week: 12th(+2)
Result: L vs. Clown Town Bliggas (104.0-104.5)
Total Points: 104.0(8th)
Current Streak: L1
-I remember when I was 11 years old. My dog that my family had since I was a mere baby was old and in pain. We took him to the vet and I watched his euthanization. That was probably the toughest thing I’ve ever seen. However, if I were the Merlin Olsen Twins, that would rank as the second toughest thing I’ve ever seen after watching Josh Jacobs plow for a garbage time first down to give the Bliggas a last second lead. The retiring champions nearly started off right where they left off with a phenomenal performance from Tennessee’s defense(23) and a stellar 18.5 from Michael Gallup. It’s easy to blame this one on Josh Jacobs, but you also have to point a finger at QB Ben Roethlisberger(9) for his dreadful outing against New England. The rest of the team did what they could, but it wasn’t enough. Time to see what they can do against a team that got annihilated this week.
Next Week: @ Huh’s Red Redskins (+13.0)
11th: MexiHawks (Mexi): 0-1
Last Week: 16th(+5)
Result: L vs. Barn Cows (102.5-108.0)
Total Points: 102.5(10th)
Current Streak: L1
-What a heartbreaker. The MexiHawks were prepared to put the preseason criticism behind them with a statement win over the BarnCows. Just when it looked like they had put them away, a last second touchdown took their spirits away. There was both promise and letdown with this team. Lamar Jackson(33) and David Johnson(22) did their part, and Seattle’s defense showed out with 13. Unfortunately, Aaron Jones(3.5) and Sony Michel(1) forgot how to play football. Terry McClarin chipped in 20.5 but unfortunately was not presented playing time. MexiHawks will be in a dogfight this upcoming week and look to get their season on the right track.
Next Week: vs. Leo’s Legendary Team (-5.0)
12th: Ball Fondlers (JHalc): 0-1
Last Week: 1st(-11)
Result: L vs. Flex Donovan’s Deal (98.0-129.0)
Total Points: 98.0(12th)
Current Streak: L1
-Coming into the week with Ball Fondlers as the highest ranked team of the preseason, they fell flat in their season opener. Part of this could be attributed to Melvin Gordon sitting on the pine until further notice, but the blame can go elsewhere as well. Delanie Walker(19.5), Marquise Brown(28), and Stephen Gostkowski(16) all did a great job for this team, but the rest were major disappointments, especially Jared Goff(9) and Mike Evans(3). However, this team is better than it showed in week 1 and could get itself right on track with an upcoming game against another team that didn’t live up to its potential.
Next Week: vs. Ferngully (-8.5)
13th: Moose Nuggets (Moose): 0-1
Last Week: 14th(+1)
Result: L vs. Cairo Camels(94.0-101.0)
Total Points: 94.0(13th)
Current Streak: L1
-A respectable performance for the Moose Nuggets was not enough to overcome Cairo Camels. Darrell Henderson posted a dreadful goose egg, but was the only flop in the lineup. Unfortunately, there was nobody who had an elite week as six players finished between 8-12.5 points. Matt Ryan(18) and Minnesota’s defense(16) carried a majority of the load in a good effort that wasn’t enough to lead them to victory. They’ll be facing a much stronger offense next week as they hunt for a victory.
Next Week: @ Louisville Losers (+16.5)
14th: Ferngully6 (Alex): 0-1
Last Week: 8th(-6)
Result: L vs. PLB Penguins (92.0-132.5)
Total Points: 92.0(14th)
Current Streak: L1
-It was never all that close for Ferngully who drew the short straw this week with the league’s top scorer, though there weren’t many match-ups that would have resulted in a victory. Drew Brees(20), DeAndre Hopkins(27), and Evan Engram(22.5) did all they could for the team, but nobody else even wanted to play this week. Adam Vinatieri(2) decided to have one of his worst outings ever, Corey Davis couldn’t post a single point in a 43-13 drubbing, and Devonta Freeman(1.5) was putrid. They’ll be on the road against another team hoping to break even after two weeks.
Next Week: @ Ball Fondlers (+8.5)
15th: The Romie Remission (TJ): 0-1
Last Week: 13th(-2)
Result: L vs. Attitude City Ninjas (82.5-103.5)
Total Points: 82.5(15th)
Current Streak: L1
-This was not pretty for The Romie Remission. Dalvin Cook(24) led the way on a team without anybody else scoring more than 15. Joe Mixon(2) left the game early, David Montgomery(3.5) had a bad NFL debut, and Jacksonville’s defense(-4) was absolutely roasted by Kansas City. Nobody else did horrible… Nobody else did good though. The Romie Remission has will need to pull out all the stops next week with a tough match-up looming.
Next Week: @ Flex Donovan’s Deal (+5.0)
16th: Huh’s Red Redskins (Huh): 0-1
Last Week: 4th(-12)
Result: L vs. Louisville Losers (71.0-128.5)
Total Points: 71.0(16th)
Current Streak: L1
-Jesus Christ. What an embarrassment. I don’t even know where to begin with this dumpster fire of a week. The positives first, I guess. Greg Zuerlein(14) was his usual self and Calvin Ridley(14) put forth a solid effort. #2 pick Ezekiel Elliott(12.5) was the only other scorer to reach double digits, and even his output was disappointing. Zach Ertz and Stefon Diggs, usually reliable options, only combined for 11.5 points. QB Mitchell Trubisky(8) seems to have regressed from an inconsistent season of mediocrity. And the saddest part of it all is that there were 54 potential points left on the bench, and even that wouldn’t have been enough to grab a win(albeit against the third highest scorer of the week). The season is just beginning, but it started off in the worst way possible. A win in this next week is vital.
Next Week: vs. Merlin Olsen Twins (-13.0)
DIVISION STANDINGS
EAST:
1. PLB Penguins: 1-0 (1st)
2. Louisville Losers: 1-0 (6th)
3. Barn Cows: 1-0 (8th)
4. Clown Town Bliggas: 1-0 (9th)
NORTH:
1. Attitude City Ninjas: 1-0, 1-0 (2nd)
2. Flex Donovan’s Deal: 1-0, 0-0 (5th)
3. Siekman06: 1-0, 0-0 (7th)
4. The Romie Remission: 0-1, 0-1 (15th)
SOUTH:
1. Cairo Camels: 1-0, 0-0 (3rd)
2. Ball Fondlers: 0-1, 0-1 (12th)
3. Ferngully6: 0-1, 0-1 (14th)
4. Huh’s Red Redskins: 0-1, 0-1 (16th)
WEST:
1. Leo’s Legendary Team: 0-1, 0-1 (4th)
2. Merlin Olsen Twins: 0-1, 0-1 (10th)
3. MexiHawks: 0-1, 0-1 (11th)
4. Moose Nuggets: 0-1, 0-1 (13th)
Subject: XWA 2019 Fantasy Football Power Rankings: WEEK 1 
I'm coming for that crown tho 
