(Remember, this first addition is based entirely off of Yahoo’s grades and where they project us all to finish up. The ensuing weekly rankings will be more based off of scores, records, and my unbiased opinion)
1st: Gotham Jokers (JHalc): 0-0
Projection: 11-2
-The Gotham Jokers(the artists formerly known as ‘Ball Fondlers’) have decided to rebrand, following a season in which they fell short in the first round, due to unfortunate late-season circumstances. After leading the regular season in scoring one year ago, the Jokers will be right back in the thick of the championship hunt, sporting a starting line-up that has no positional weaknesses *as currently is.* QB Jared Goff has some huge games last season, and the WR tandem of Mike Evans and Mike Williams should both be in line for great seasons. The big questions are on the starting running back tandem of Todd Gurley and Melvin Gordon. If both play like they did last season, I’ll start engraving the 1st place trophy immediately. But in the possible scenario Gurley has slowed down immensely after injury, and Gordon sits out the season to ensure a bigger pay day…. The Jokers may want to look into some trades and free agency.
2nd: Barn Cows (Caleb): 0-0
Projection: 11-2
-The Barn Cows come into this season following a runner-up finish last season, in which they were basically pushed down and forced to eat dirt in a 118.5-61 deep-dicking in the Super Bowl. Numerous tears and steroid later, and the Barn Cows are back in an attempt to finish one step higher. They’ve regrouped as the only organization to obtain two top 10 finishers from last year in MVP QB Patrick Mahomes and RB Alvin Kamara. Throw in the #1 Rated defense, that got drafted at a super appropriate spot, WR Amari Cooper, and RB Kenyan Drake, and the starting line-up is dangerous, although the depth could severely hurt this team and take them right to a lower tier team if something goes wrong with one of the top guys. The big question mark right now goes to the RB/K Kareem Hunt who will miss over half the season. If he were to come in late in the season and perform even half as well as last year, he could be perhaps the steal of the draft. Or…. he could be a wasted pick.
3rd: Cairo Camels (Abdel): 0-0
Projection: 10-3
-The Cairo Camels had a breakout season last year in which they finished the regular season as the third-seeded division champs. Unfortunately, their luck ran out with a first round exit. Feeling the sting, the Camels have returned with a vengeance, drafting a solid squad that they are already attempting to [s]sabotage[/] improve via trade. Once this trade is complete, they will be sending RB Leonard Fournette and QB Baker Mayfield away in exchange for RB Aaron Rodgers and WR depth to pair up with Brandin Cooks. The Cairo Camels may be able to afford parting ways with Fournette, given they turned the #1 pick into Saquon Barkley, worth roughly 2.3 standard RBs. TE Ebron, coming off a career year, can’t be expected to produce a season like last year without Andrew Luck around, but could still be a solid starter. The three headed QB-WR-RB monster can make this team as good as any other on the right week, but the lack of star power beyond those three can also spell bad news on weeks where one of them underperforms.
4th: Huh’s Red Redskins (Huh): 0-0
Projection: 10-3
-Huh’s Red Redskins come into this season hoping to put last year behind them. The franchise posted by far their worst season in history with a treacherously pathetic 3-10 record. Because he was lucky enough to not be kicked out of the league, he will look to avenge himself this season, but the pieces will have to fall nearly perfectly to make a run. His TE and K situation is as good as it gets with Zach Ertz and Greg Zuerlein, and the WR trio of Calvin Ridley, Stefon Diggs, and Robby Anderson should produce good results. But Ezekiel Elliott is currently as the only formidable RB option, and even he is not guaranteed to play week 1 and beyond. The QB situation is also murky with Kyler Murray and Mitch Trubisky. In the end though, this team runs through Zeke. If he signs before Sunday, he should play at an elite level week in and week out. But without him, this team begins to completely unravel with a putrid RB situation. Even with Zeke in the lineup, searching for an actual RB2 might be what these red bastards need to do.
5th: Flex Donovan’s Deal (Ian): 0-0
Projection: 9-4
-Flex Donovan’s Deal, known last year as The Carny Army, suffered heartbreak down the stretch, as the team could not qualify for the playoffs in the last week of the season, missing the playoffs for the first time in the history of the franchise. After renaming themselves to a reference that is totally lost on me, Flex Donovan’s Deal looks to right the ship and head back to the postseason. In order to get there, they won’t be relying on superstar power as much as overall depth. QB DeShaun Watson and WR Michael Thomas lead this team as the most noteworthy names, but not really any other superstars after that. However, the starting line-up is solid with no glaring weakness, including the best TE duo the league has to offer. This is a team that will likely not explode for a massive scoring weak, but will also likely be consistent with respectable average. The success of this team likely relies on how its opposition does each week(as if that’s not how most teams work). But on the right week, this team can hang with anybody, while rarely being one of the lowest scoring teams on the wrong weeks.
6th: Leo’s Legendary Team (Leo): 0-0
Projection: 8-5
-Legendary might not be the first word you’d use to describe Leo’s team, but this year “solid” would fit. Leo’s Legendary Team decided to take a year off of missing the playoffs last season to reload for this regular season! All jokes aside, Leo’s team is looking more Legendary than usual. The starting line-up is all-around solid, especially at WR with a trio of Tyreek Hill, OBJ, and Will Fuller. K Harrison Butker has been one of the top at his position the last few years, and the Buffalo Bills D/ST should be a top unit this year. Still, there are a few questions regarding the team. Will Tom Brady finally fall off or be a worthy QB1? Will RBs Phillip Lindsay and Tarik Cohen live up to the surprise seasons they had last year? And can rookie TE T.J. Hockenson properly fit into Detroit’s offense immediately? This team appears to be one of the more unpredictable ones in the league.
7th: Siekman06’s Team (Greg): 0-0
Projection: 7-6
-Greg returned to the league last year after a 5-year hiatus, but had an undesirable season at 4-8-1. He has a solid chance to turn that around this year with a sneaky deep line-up. Now, it was a bold strategy to not draft a defense, and dare I even say narcissistic. It’s as if to say “I’m so much better than all of you I’d rather get no points than some points on a roster spot.” Outside of that dick move, Greg has a well-rounded team. Highlighted by former MVP QB Cam Newton, WR Keenan Allen, and RB James Conner, the stardom stops there, but there is plenty of depth to plug in during bye weeks that shouldn’t affect the team too hard. An upgrade at TE couldn’t hurt, and realistically Greg might want to put his narcissism aside and pick up a fucking defense, but otherwise the team should fend well most weeks. As is, is this a championship team? Unlikely. But playoffs are definitely seeable. WR Josh Gordon at the FLEX position could really pay off and push this team to bigger heights if he can just resist the urge of marijuana for once.
8th: Ferngully6 (Alex): 0-0
Projection: 7-6
-Ferngully has become the newest addition to the league, filling in for the Pretty Ponies who decided to [s]be a bunch of bitches and leave the league hanging on short notice[/s] do other stuff. But how do the Ferngully6s seem to fare for their first year in the league? After draft day…. pretty well. There appears to be quality across the board, from a still productive QB in Drew Brees, to a great WR tandem of Deandre Hopkins and Julian Edelman, a solid RB in Devonta Freeman, and even one of the better defenses in Philadelphia. However, unless Carlos Hyde explodes in Houston, the RB situation is tattered if something were to happen to Freeman who battled injuries last year, as well as QB as Brees is currently the only one on the roster. If this team stays healthy, it could stay in the mix all season, but a freak injury to even one starter could derail the season in a hurry.
9th: Attitude City Ninjas (Snoopz): 0-0
Projection: 6-7
-The Attitude City Ninjas burst in to the scene last year in a big way, dominating teams all season in route to a second seed in the playoffs. Unfortunately, the loss of one of the team’s leaders in the first round caused an earlier exit than anticipated. The Attitude City Ninjas had a pretty solid draft, but they didn’t stop there. Afterward, the Ninjas showed up at the Cairo Camels GM’s house with a gun and forced them into a trade. The QB will now soon be Baker Mayfield, and a bunch of bench players who woulda have only been called into game play during bye weeks is now RB Leonard Fournette, one of the best running backs in the game when healthy, which admittedly hasn’t been often in his young career. This rounds out the rest of the line-up to a WR pair of Davante Adams and Adam Thielen, two more week-in/week-out RBs in Derrick Henry and James White, as well as a young TE primed for a fantastic season in David Njoku. The K and D/ST positions are a kind of average, but that may not matter. The Attitude City Ninjas, for all intents and purposes, are likely not going to be staying at 9 for long with the rest of the roster filling out solidly.
10th: Clown Town Bliggas (Burdur): 0-0
Projection: 6-7
-Another year in Clown Town, following up a 3rd place finish from the year prior. Will it be as easy to finish top 3 again this year? Unlikely, for one reason alone. QB Sam Darnold. What kind of dumbass, pathetic franchise would have ONE quarterback on their roster, and decide “I want that spot to go to Sam Darnold?” The depth for the Bliggas isn’t horrible, but they’d have to give some away for the QB upgrade they so desperately need to make. This team is a prime example of “low floor, high ceiling.” RB Le’Veon Bell was recently a surefire first round pick, but has not taken a real-game snap in over a year and could be rusty, especially in a new system like the Jets. The same could be said for WR Antonio Brown who will serve his first season without Big Ben, and instead, with the Oakland Raiders. RB Josh Jacobs is only a rookie and WR Jarvis Landry now has to forfeit a lot of targets to good friend OBJ. Rams D and TE Austin Hooper are both probably on the “above average scale” to help round out the line-up. This is another one of those teams that could be a force, or could fall flat on its face.
11th: Louisville Losers (Rellim): 0-0
Projection: 5-8
-The Louisville Losers stayed true to their name last year, posting a non-playoff losing season last year for the third time in as many tries. Can this be the year they right they ship, go over over .500 and make the playoffs? As currently constructed, it is a legitimate possibility. RB Christian McCaffrey, QB Carson Wentz, and WR Robert Woods should feast on defenses weak in and weak out, and on the subject of defenses, it hardly gets better than the Baltimore Ravens. Kyle Rudolph is generally a formidable starting TE, and the rest of the starting line up isn’t really considered weak. Another example of weak depth though, that could sink this team during bye weeks or potential injuries. If the starters can stay healthy though, this team really could be one of the surprises and make a run come playoff time if the cards fall right.
12th: Merlin Olsen Twins (Saintpat): 0-0
Projection: 4-9
-Oh, how the mighty have fallen. Only one year removed from his second championship in three years, Merlin Olsen Twins don’t appear to be the same team that milked the Barn Cows until their udders were limp and stretched-out. This team isn’t all bad, with a usually-consistent QB Ben Roethlisberger, and a stud WR duo with Juju Smith-Schuster and Cooper Kupp, but that’s where the offensive firepower ends. Damien Williams is an iffy RB1 and then every RB after that is, quite simply put, less than desirable. The TE and defensive situation is really not anything to celebrate over either. Merlin Olsen Twins might want to seriously start considering the waiver wire or trades, otherwise a repeat is not looking too promising.
13th: The Romie Remission (TJ): 0-0
Projection: 3-10
-The Romies snuck into the playoffs last year as an eighth seed and held their own in the first round, but were outmatched by the juggernaut eventual champions. Since the Romies won the championship four year ago, they have yet to win a playoff game. This team definitely has the tools to do so, though, and the 3-10 projection is a bit baffling when you scroll through the starters. Having back-to-back picks at 16/17 allowed for a stud RB tandem of Dalvin Cook and Joe Mixon, and David Montgomery as the third stringer is another great option. Russell Wilson is consistently one of the best QBs in the game and usually gets better as the season goes on. The starting WRs are not going to light the world on fire, but could certainly be worse, as well as a TE who gets to test his second year with Aaron Rodgers. Throw in an arguable top-5 defense and the team is well-rounded enough blow the 3-10 projection out of the water.
14th: Moose Nuggets (Moose): 0-0
Projection: 3-10
-The Moose Nuggets are back, and we need to get the biggest mistake out of the way right now; Nick Chubb at 5th overall? With Andy Dalton still on the board, this was an unexpected pick for the Nuggets. It’s almost as though they weren’t even drafting their own team… Along with RB Chubb, the Nuggets followed up with one of the few surefire TEs in George Kittle, and former MVP QB Matt Ryan. Moose Nuggets ended up with fantastic options and K and D/ST, and even chose to go for back-ups at the positions rather than, I don’t know, depth. Despite that, Moose Nuggets managed to sneak away with a pretty decent top 3 WR core. This may be the best shot Moose Nuggets have had in a while at the playoffs, even if a long shot, but they should certainly eclipse the 4-win total they’ve accrued over the past two seasons.
15th: PLB Penguins (CB): 0-0
Projection: 3-10
-The PLB Penguins are suffering from a bit of a Super Bowl hangover the last two years missing the playoffs both years after playing in the Super Bowl the previous two seasons. Will QB Josh Allen be able to get him back to the promised land with some help from his RB Devin Singletary? Highly doubtful. Singletary was a reach at his position, but not all hope was lost for the Penguins who managed to also sneak Derrius Guice and Austin Ekeler in with his next few picks. Ekeler could prove to be extremely valuable if he gets to slot in as the RB1 in a dynamic Chargers offense, dependent on what Melvin Gordon does this season. The Penguins also nabbed the top TE in Travis Kelce and a good pair of WRs. They should be competitive most weeks, but if second year QB Josh Allen can’t take that next step, it’s hard to see this team competing for anything more than a first round exit.
16th: MexiHawks (Mexi): 0-0
Projection: 1-12
-Finally, rounding out the league is none other than the MexiHawks. The team that boasts the best regular season winning percentage in league history is projected to be the worst team in the league this season, after narrowly missing the playoffs last season. How accurate is that? Well, let’s take a look. First thing that stands out is the RB situation is very good. David Johnson, Aaron Jones, and Sony Michel are all weekly starters in this league. Throw in Tony Pollard if Zeke holds out, and that is a deep set for the MexiHawks. However, the rest of the team is going to need some sleepers to step up in order to make a real run. WR Ty Lockett is a good option, but the position isn’t incredibly deep outside of that. QB and TE could both be great, or be flops this season. The top three running backs are going to fill up the points each week, and Ty Lockett will likely be very consistent. If second year QB Lamar Jackson takes another leap, this team is solid. It is not a 1-12 team.
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Subject: WF 2019 Fantasy Football Power Rankings: Preseason 
Bruh this guy is making the JUMP this season to superstar status 
Under the new scoring system it is though but he was part of the Digg leagues at least one year in the past
You should’ve eluded to him going to IR due to the bitch bligga virus. 
