“Almost there… Up a little bit…” The breathy female voice rang out behind closed doors, a voice filled with anticipation and excitement. “That’s it, yeah… Stick it in there.”

Again, the voice rang out, the pleasure in her tone unmistakable.
The familiar grunt of a male voice echoed out after her encouragement, followed by a collective gasp of “Oooh” from a chorus of previously unheard voices.

The ornate wooden doors began to swing open, ever so slowly, giving a peek at the source of the voices. The more the doors opened, the more of the scene that could be made out. The first sight that we are greeted to is the sight of Kasabian Stalker, part way up a ladder standing beside a tall Christmas tree; tall enough to almost reach the high ceiling. Stalker is holding a pair of small decorations, two small Christmas balls, each with their own string to hang them from the tree.

Beneath the ladder is a busty woman, blonde, dressed in a black XWA staff t-shirt and the black jeans of a backstage crew member. Under her direction, Kasabian is busy attaching one of the small balls to a branch near the top of the tree, just underneath the golden star. As the doors opened wider, a collection of various XWA staff and roster members are revealed, each sitting in their own seat to watch the decorating of the tree. Joey Jobberton is seated in the seat closest to the directing lady, then two further backstage crew members, and the unmistakable sight of Dolly rounding off the unlikely quartet of onlookers.

“Hmmm, I’m not that sure about it now that I see it on the tree, Kasabian.” The busty blonde lady in charge called up at the oiled man up the ladder. Kasabian looked down at her, glaring, but his expression soon changes as he realizes that he can see right down her top.

“You know what the problem is, don’t you?” Kasabian quipped, a cheeky twinkle in his eyes. “Need bigger balls.”

The Pervert took the small ball off the tree, crushing it in his fist till it crumbles into a million pieces. He then sprinkles the pieces down from his perch like small red raindrops. From behind him, he pulls a pair of identical red baubles, but ten times the size, much too big even for the oversized tree. The onlookers gasp in awe at the sight of the massive balls and Kasabian smiles in turn.

“It’s like our friend Rob as Intercontinental Champion,” Stalker added, “It all looks well and good until you compare it to something better. His move-list is so full of tributes that a match against him would seem like an awards ceremony, I’m not even sure if he has an original move in his arsenal.

Don’t get me wrong, the guy is a bloody talented individual. One would be mad to deny that. He’s Champion for a reason. But perhaps he keeps getting put on the tree because nothing better has come along yet.

Isn’t it time to put some bigger balls on the tree. Somebody with grapefruit sized baubles, not grapes? Isn’t it time that we push the limits of decency, of what is acceptable? Bigger is better right?”

Stalker stops, seeking a response from those underneath the tree. The director girl is first to speak.

“Well, those balls are definitely better for the tree. At least we can see them.”

“Yeah…” The trio of onlookers chimed in unison, all save for Dolly. Kasabian noted the doll’s lack of response and glared in her direction.


“Don’t be a Grinch now Dolly. What do you think? Big balls or small balls?” Again, the doll remains silent, unresponsive. Kasabian throws his hands up in haughty derision. “Suit yourself…”

He places one of the big balls on the tree, in the exact same spot as he had placed the smaller one earlier. It looked almost too big, but somehow suited its surroundings. Again, he turns, smiling at those underneath the tree.

”See… Perfect. This year, we are going for big balls.” Kasabian took the one remaining smaller ball and crushed it in his fist as he had done the first. He sprinkles the dust down from the tree as he had done the first as well. He looks at the onlookers one last time.

”Merry Christmas all, and Big Balls.”