"PIRATE! PIRATE! PIRATE PIRATE!"

The chants are deafening. After his victory over Hitman Alex last week, The Pirate has certainly gained his fair share of fans in the XWA. A goofy grin on his face, a microphone in one hand, and a flask full of rum in the other, he stands in the middle of the ring, soaking up the praise. We're not sure if it's not just some trendy joke and they're just making fun of him, but he's over, and that seems to be good enough for him.

"The fans keep this up and Pirate may not even need to get a word in edgewise!"

"Good, that fucking idiot doesn't need to talk."

They don't keep it up, however, for as they see Pirate patiently waiting, the chants begin to soften, dying out as Pirate's entrance music cuts off along with it. The crowd begins to well up with anticipation, anxious to see what he's going to say. After taking a big long swig, Pirate begins.

"YARRRRRR! AHOY MATEYS!"

A brief roar goes up from the crowd. Pirate chuckles to himself.

"Ahaharr. Aye, I've sailed the seven seas, been tah evry port in the world, and I ain't ever seen no rowdier bunch a' hooligans than here in XWA. And that be the way I like it!"

The crowd might not even know what he's saying, but they're just eating up the pirate lingo.

"Now last week....Arr...I be havin' no knowledge of what a 'Hitman' is, but I do know that they can't beat a man of the sea! Especially not that lubber Alex. Aye, he may'a given me a fight, but the Tidal Wave, it came for him. And men taken by the tides, they be tellin' no tales, if ye know what I be gettin' at."

A small "Alex Sucks!" chant breaks out in the nosebleed seats. These fans are having the time of their lives.

"It actually hurts, how lame he is."

"Oh be quiet, you. You're the only one here that's not enjoying this."

"But anyway...me crew's been hearin' whispers...whispers all week. Whispers, whispers slippin' through the cracks, through the grapevine, through the very beams of me ship. She's a fine vessel, she is, but even she ain't immune to the whisperings. They penetrate the hull, and flood the deck with their rumors. Aye, they do. There be people, people sayin' that it be a fluke that I won last week. Ohoho, the captain don't win by no flukes, lubbers. That be certain!"

The crowd seems to be in agreement on that one.

"Arr, the captain will win. The captain will keep on winnin'. That's what the captain does. Cas'ees the captain, y'know? Hahaharrr. Aye, there be good reason fer it, too. There is only one reason, that I be here...in the XWA. Only one reason...why me crew would drop anchor in these dangerous waters..."

The crowd goes quiet, seeing what Pirate is going to say next. He finishes his sentence in a whisper.

"...the gooooold."

"Oh for fuck's sake, this is absurd."

"AYE, THE GOLD! We be plunderers! We be plunderin' fer booty! And it appears the greatest booty be in the possession of that Hitman. And a little birdie told me that this JHalc lubber be harborin' some himself, and he been pickin a fight."

That a reference to a nasty exchange of words between Pirate and JHalc on twitter last week. Some fans get it.

"So there might be a storm a brewin', there might be rough seas ahead...but any self-respectin' pirate such as meself, he won't be lettin' that stop his quest for gold....for booty!"

The crowd cheers for pirate's confidence. He certainly hasn't made any friends with his little speech, but he clearly doesn't care.

"He's after people's asses? He really is a butt pirate!"

"Arr, so prepare yerselves, lubbers. Let this be a warnin'. Captain Bartholomew Bloom is after yer gold, and not even Davey Jones himself is gonna stop me! Anyone...anyone who stands in the way a me n' me crew....they're gonna have to...walk the plank!"

Applause rings out through the arena. The rousing promo has gotten the crowd very excited, and he's ready to put the kicker on it as soon as they calm down.

"...captain's orders!"

BOOM!



"Well that certainly throws a big, fiery wrench into his plans."

"Anyone, he says. Well good luck with this guy, you closet queer!"

The shock of the explosion knocks Pirate flat on his ass, as his hat falls off his head. All that buildup he had created from the promo has been symbolically blown up almost instantly. The beginning of a cheer falls apart into a chorus of boos as Cerberus swiftly walks out from behind the curtain. Considering the reports of him destroying everything in sight backstage ever since the opening promo, it appears that someone managed to convince him to take his anger out on The Pirate. Without blinking, without slowing down, Cerberus walks down the ramp with a purpose as Pirate scrambles toward a corner to try and regain his composure...


...to be continued...

God, I love this character so bloody much.