Alright, time to get into my second Gopher Review. Today I am doing King of the Ring, 1998, featuring the famous Mankind vs. Undertaker Hell in a Cell match. I've seen that match, but have yet to watch the rest of this Pay Per View, so it should be interesting.

Cool guillotine graphic to start the show and then we go to the fireworks. I don't know what it said, but I saw an Eric Cartman sign in the crowd. I am already enjoying this show. Why are there gasoline things on the commentary table?

Head Bangers & Taka Michinoku vs. Kaientei

Apparently the gasoline is for Kane if he loses to Stone Cold. Says he's gonna say himself on fire. A dangerously insane human being. Anyway, six-man tag match. Starting off with one of the Kai people that isn't Funaki and one ofthe Head Bangers. I'm not gonna get alot of names right in this match. Okay, Mosh got tagged in. Thanks for that, J.R. Top rope Dropkick by Mosh and in comes Funaki...To get Powerbombed. NO FUNAKI, YOU DON'T JUST FLAIR FLOP! IS YOUR NAME FLAIR, CUNT?! In comes Taka. The amount of Japanese makes me happy right now. So many diving Dropkicks. Holy fucking leap by Taka. He went from the top rope, with a springboard, all the way to the entrance ramp. Jayzoos. A non-Funaki guy enters the match. Fuck, Taka lands a huge Monkey Flip. Literally flops him all the way across the ring. The other non-Funaki guy comes in. And he lands a Rufus Qabazard Tornado DDT! Sorry, inside jokes. Funaki giving the Headbangers the finger. STONE COLD FUNAKI AUSTIN! Non-Tajiri guy just does some spinning, leaping, headbutt to the chest type deal. Taka tags in...Erm...Both partners. BAH GAWD, EVERYONE IS FIGHTING! Why is Funaki wearing a hoodie during this match? And why am I just now noticing this? Taka gets tagged in and they do this cool thing where both Head Bangers Flapjack Taka onto Funaki. Then he lands the Michinoku Driver for the win. Fun match. Nothing amazing, but it was fun.

Rating: 2.5 Stars

Out comes Sable. Also, apparently Al Snow is literally teaming up with a head. That should be a thing. Some poor guy in the crowd seems to have Downs. Oh, Mr. McMahon is coming out. Coming with him is Gerald Briscoe and Pat Patterson. "Standing boovation". Nice, King. Pat hand-shakes Sable's ass and gets slapped for it. McMahon getting the opposite of cheap pops. The people want Kane to set himself on fire. Ooh, another guy with Downs. These Pittsburgh fans do not know how to do the D-X chop without looking like retards. Vince digging in deep to the fans. Basically just saying they're disappoints to their parents. King's having a jolly good laugh at it. Vince is cutting an epic heel promo. Now there's a guy in the crowd with his shirt off and paint on his chest saying suck it, with an arrow pointing down. Oh my. And Vinnie is gone. "JJ Ain't He Gay" sign. Jeff Jarrett wearing a very questionable outfit.

Jeff Jarrett vs. Ken Shamrock – King of the Ring Semi-Finals

You may notice a tad bit of bias in my calling of this match. Just a heads up. Lol. Double J attacks Shamrock and the camera just pans away. FUCK YEAH, GET HIM KENNY! GET HIM! Jeff with an interesting Neckbreaker. Dat kick by Kenny, tho. Why does the referee look like Kevin James? Ken kicking ass outside of the ring as Kevin James doesn't bother counting. Jeff working on Ken's leg. Damn, Kevin James is a fucking badass. Jeff starts breaking the rules by attacking Ken in the corner. What does the ref do? Disqualify him? Nah, he grabs him by the hair and yanks him the fuck away. ONLY I GET TO CALL HIM KENNY, LAWLER! m-a-dShamrock dominating for a bit. Ken with a fucking devastating Hurricanrana. Dropped Jeff right on his head. Brutal as fuck. He then applies the Ankle Lock and Jeff almost immediately taps. Pretty basic match and I'd have liked for Jeff to at least last a little while longer in the end there, considering it is a semi-finals match of the King of the Ring tournament, but the referee was a badass.

Rating: 1.5 Stars

Some guy apparently named Tennessee comes in and attacks Ken, only to be Suplexed to death. Hey, Cole! I didn't know he was in WWE this long ago. Ken says he's not gonna be second best. YOU BETTER NOT, MOTHERFUCKER! Rock time, accompanied by The Godfather and Mark Henry. Oh, they gotta go. No Hall of Pain and Ho Train for now. And here comes Magnum PI. Oh, wait, that's Dan Severn.

The Rock vs. Dan Severn – King of the Ring Semi-Finals

Dan doing a lot of MMA-style wrestling, but Rock keeps getting to the ropes. Rock does some stuff. Dan does some stuff. A lot of Rock going to the ropes in this match. This is very boring so far. Hey Godfather and Mark are back. And here comes D-Lo with a Frog Splash to Dan while the referee is distracted. Rock gets the pin. That sucks.

Rating: 1 Star

More Cole. Hey Cole! Ken's name is Ken, Rock, not Jack. "YOU SAID YOU KNEW HOW TO SPEAK SPANISH!" Al to Head. That's excellent television. "I hope that head's been doing chin-ups." Oh, Lawler. So, this is...Actually a thing. I'll mark if Head gets the pin. Oh boy, Jerry is special guest referee. Damnit Lawler, don't wear your crown while reffing.

Brian Christopher & Scott Taylor vs. Al Snow & Head

Lots of reversals early on as it starts with Scott and Al. Scott tags in Brian. J.R. acknowledging that Brian and Lawler are related. Lawler blocking Al's punch when he went to punch Brian while he was in the corner. Sunset Flip off the top turnbuckle by Al. Very slow count by Lawler. Jesus. Al dumps Brian to the outside and then tosses Scott outside right on top of him, but Scott's foot just slams into Brian's face on the way down. Al's leaving. Oh wait, no he's not. He ran all the way down the ramp and landed a Clothesline. Brian bites Al's hand and Lawler is like "lol stop". Very fast count by Lawler, but Al kicks out. Nice Pump Handle Suplex by Scott. And Al with his own Suplex, of a Wheelbarrow style. Brian gets tagged in. Well, that didn't last long. Scott's back in. Double DDT by Al. Al tags in Head. "The Head is the legal man...What the hell am I saying?" I love J.R. Al starts beating motherfuckers with Head. Al tagging Brian in the nuts with the head after Lawler left the ring. Scott pins Head. Boo. Although the way it happened was rather hilarious. They put a bottle of Head & Shoulders under Head so that it had shoulders. Clever bastards.

Rating: 1.5 Stars

Up next is X-Pac vs. Owen Hart, it seems.

X-Pac vs. Owen Hart

Chyna is at ring side for X-Pac. Pac immediately goes on the attack. Uh oh, X-Pac did that butthole-splitting spot. They keep plugging a thing called the Superstar Line. Don't know what it is, but the plugs remind me of the WWE App. I don’t think any of the referees were good at counting people out back then. They just keep brawling outside of the ring for far more than ten referee seconds. This is another boring match. Not a good Pay Per View so far. X-Pac with one of the most homoerotic moves in wrestling history, the Bronco Buster. I'm not sure what just happened. Owen went for a Superplex and X-Pac just fell. Like, he didn't fall with the Suplerplex, he slipped on the turnbuckle and landed on the top rope. Then Owen fell off the top rope and now he's bleeding. Just...What the fuck? Was that a horrible botch or what was that? Oh, hey, Mark Henry just squashed X-Pac with a Splash while the referee was distracted. Now Chyna is in Mark's face. And now Vader's there, attacking Mark. Now the referee is trying to break it up while Owen has the Sharpshooter applied. Chyna DDT'd Owen straight out of the Sharpshooter. X-Pac pins Owen like 10-15 seconds after Chyna DDT'd him. Kinda buried the fuck out of Owen right there, but hey, the match got a little entertaining towards the end.

Rating: 1.5 Stars

After the match, we see a close-up of Owen's face and the cut is just above his eye. Definitely not a blade job. Oh, hey, Paul Bearer. His voice is less creepy than I remember. Paul telling a sob story about his son wanting to be like a wrestler but being unable to have a normal childhood. That's Kane, I think. There's a sign that says we brought the marshmellows...Accompanied by a stick with marshmellows on them. New Age Outlaws time. Oh, hey, Chyna's back. Just got a close-up of the Eric Cartman sign and it says "Oh You Didn't Know?" I don't get it. Is he calling Road Dogg fat? New Age Outlaw's introduction is literally exactly the same as it is now. And they're facing...The Midnight Express with Jim Cornette. Is that Hardcore Holly with long hair? Google says yes. No clue who the other guy is, though.

New Age Outlaws vs. The Midnight Express – WWF Tag Team Championships

For the record, I still think Lawler is a shit commentator. Most people say he was golden back in this time and the early 2000s. I'm not seeing it. Apparently the other guy in Midnight Express is Billy's brother Bart Gunn. Nice Arm Drag reversal by landing on his feet by Bart. Another interesting reversal by Bart a little bit later where Billy goes for a Sunset Flip but Bart just lies down on top of him instead of flipping with him. It's like he was too lazy to sell so he just pinned him instead. Bart selling a Clothesline like Evan Bourne. Road Dogg gets tagged back in. He later grabs Bob Holly's ass. Like, he seriously clutches it. Some back and forth tagging by Bob and Bart. I'm pretty sure Bob just said "Suck it...Fuck you." Bob dives off the top rope looking for...I'm not quite sure. He doesn't get it, though. Road Dogg lifts his boot into Bob's face. Hot tag to Billy. Cornette hits Billy in the back with the tag titles while the referee was distracted, but Billy kicks out of the pin that follows. With Bart and Road Dogg fighting outside of the ring, Jim re-enters with the title again but this time Billy catches him. Chyna sneaks up behind him and low blows him. New Age Outlaws land a Flapjack, leading Bob to guillotine on the top rope, and Billy pins him for the win. Why are the tag matches the only good ones so far?

Rating: 2.5 Stars

Here comes HHH to do commentary. And even he's accompanied by Chyna...To commentate. Oh, Chyna.

The Rock vs. Ken Shamrock – King of the Ring Finals

Ken's got crazy eyes. CRAZY EEEEEEYES! Ken immediately goes for a Roundhouse Kick, but Rock ducks back. Lol Rock trying to exit the ring and he trips. He's clutching his chest like he has serious heart burn right now. Wait, what the fuck? Chyna joined the Spanish commentators. Chyna speaks Spanish? "What'd she say?" "Something about Taco Bell." Oh, HHH. HHH inadvertently saying he's bisexual after that. The Rock gets in HHH's face. HHH takes a sip of water and spits it at The Rock before The Rock slaps the taste out of his mouth. The referee immediately jumps down and tries to hold HHH back. If it was Kevin James, he'd have fucking dropped HHH. Kenny's back on the attack now. "Testies, 1, 2, 3, testies." "You're on, HHH." "Testies?" Rock no-selling an Irish Whip into the security barricade. The Rock spits at a fan so a fan tries to spit back at him, but Rock was already in the ring. Shamrock's right eye appears to be shut. Didn't see what happened to it. Scoop Slam followed by the People's Elbow for a very close two count. Everyone sells DDTs with front flips back then. So many Powerslams. Shamrock goes for a Hurricanrana but Rock reverses it into a Hotshot. Ankle Lock out of nowhere, bah Gawd! "SHAMROCK! SHAMROCK! SHAMROCK! KING OF THE RING!" "J.R., maybe you should say that five more times." Best part of this match was the commentary.

Rating: 2 Stars

Hell in a Cell is up next. Mankind bringing a steel chair with him. He throws the chair on top of the cage and then starts climbing. Here comes Taker. Jesus, explosions go off literally right next to him, on both sides, and Taker doesn't even flinch. It takes Taker entirely too long to take off his robe thing. And now Taker's climbing the cage.

The Undertaker vs. Mankind –Hell in a Cell

Mankind tries to cut Undertaker off but he makes it to the top anyway. Mankind starts beating Taker with the steel chair. Fucking cage is already breaking. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY! You said it, J.R. Mankind gets thrown off of the cage, through a table. He dead. He just dead. Terry Funk! A lotta doctors. "This may be the shortest Hell in a Cell match that we've ever had." Didn't you say it ws the second one, J.R.? They took Mankind's mask off. I assume I'm meant to call him Mick from now on. Sgt. Slaughter and Vinnie Mac out here now. The cage is rising...With Undertaker still on it. Here comes the stretcher. Vince selling that worried face like a boss. Cage is coming back down. Mick's back up! He's climbing back up on the cage. Bah Gawd! Undertaker just Chokeslammed Mick onto a chair. Oh, and through the roof of the cage. Probably should mention that. Taker's now attacking Terry Funk. Poor Funky. Mick's back up! Also, when Terry got Chokeslammed, his shoes came off. So there's that. Mick's bleeding from the mouth, it seems. He reverses the Old School! Yup, bleeding from the mouth. A lot. Kevin James is back! Mick goes to lift the top half of the steel steps, but his shoulder gives out. So, Taker gets the steps instead and promptly beats Mick with them. Undertaker with a Suicide Dive. First time I've ever seen him do a through-the-rope Suicide Dive. Well, now the first time, since I saw this match before, but I've never seen him do it in another match. Regardless, the move misses and Taker goes head-first into the cage wall. Taker's bleeding now. Piledriver ont a steel chair for a two count. Looked brutal as fuck. Leg Drop with a chair across Taker's face, followed by a pin and then a Double Underhook DDT. Mick appears to have something coming out of his nose. Oh shit, Mick with the thumb tacks. Mandible Claw! Kevin does the three-arm drop, but Taker keeps his arm up on the last one. Taker piggybacks Mick and then drops him back-first onto the thumb tacks. Ouch. And then a Chokeslam, also onto the tacks. Well then. Finally, a Tombstone to finish this thing. Brutal ass match with great storytelling.

Rating: 4 Stars

Again, they get a stretcher out for Mick. Nope, Foley's getting up. Crowd's clapping for him. Foley chant. He's getting helped to the back by Terry, a referee and Sgt. Slaughter, but he's not being carried on a stretcher. Fucking Lawler. For some reason, he's given some of the thumb tacks and he stabs J.R. in the hand with one of them. Time for the main event. Interesting video package for the match. There was a Hell in a Cell Match on RAW? Or maybe there was just a Hell in a Cell there to hype the match between Taker and Foley. The fuck was with Kane's voice back then. Austin being drenched in blood. Paul accompanies Kane to the ring.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs. Kane – First Blood Match for the WWF Championship

Just a reminder, but if Kane loses he says he's gonna set himself on fire. Match starts with a Thesz Press from Austin. Championship shot from Stone Cold. How are they supposed to know when Kane is bleeding if his mask covers his whole face? His attire is also covering his whole body with the exception of his right hand. Stone Cold to make his right hand bleed. Stone Cold takes the turnbuckle pad off. Kane attempts a Tombstone but Stone Cold slides down his back and throws him out of the ring, with Kane managing to land on his feet. The Hell in a Cell cage is lowering for some reason. Austin gets Irish Whipped face-first into the cell. Kane trying to hold Stone Cold under the cell so that it lowers on him. It looks like Stone Cold has two small cuts on his back, but J.R. says the referee said he's not gonna stop this for something minor. Lol, Austin Irish Whipped into the cameraman. Kane gets knocked through the cage door and he's laying on the bottom of the cage door area while the cage starts rising. Austin pulled Kane off the part of the cage as it is rising. Now they're fighting up the ramp. Austin attempts a concrete Piledriver but Kane Back Body Drops him. Kane Suplexes Austin on the ramp way. Kane beating up Austin for a bit. They're making their way back to the ring. Apparently the cage hasn't been raised entirely. It's just chilling at about top turnbuckle level. Stone Cold slams Kane's face into the exposed turnbuckle a few times. Stone Cold kicking some ass. Stone Cold smashing Kane in the face with a fan. Austin gets thrown into Earl Hebner. No referee. Someone's gonna bleed now. Stone Cold going back to smashing Kane's face into the exposed turnbuckle. Then he smacks the back of his head into it. Here comes Foley with a steel chair. Well, he got Stunnered pretty quickly. And now the cell is being lowered again. Kane goes for a Chokeslam, but Stone Cold reverses into a Stunner. Now here comes Taker with a chair. Taker and Stone Cold go to hit Foley in the head with chairs, but Foley ducks and Taker smashes the chair into Stone Cold's chair, which hits his face. Taker then Clotheslines Kane out of the ring and he knocks Foley out and goes after him. Stone Cold's bleeding. Called it. Taker puts Earl in the ring and starts dowsing him in gasoline. Poor Earl. Kane hits Taker with a chair and then goes after Stone Cold, but Stone Cold fights back. He hits Kane with the chair and then Earl sees Stone Cold bleeding and calls for the bell. That was a fun match. Confusing as hell, but fun.

Rating: 3.5 Stars

The show ends like instantly after the ring announcer calls announces Kane the winner. That seemed kind of weird. No celebrating, no explanation for Taker pouring gasoline on Earl, etc. Anyway, this was a pretty boring Pay Per View, but the final two matches really saved it from being a complete shitfest. Also, the opener and Tag Titles matches were pretty decent. Overall, I'd give the Pay Per View 2 stars out of 5.

That's it for this edition of Gopher Review. Please comment below with whatever Pay Per Views from ECW, WCW and WWE you'd like to see me review.

Sounds awful.

it was really a 2 match PPV

Bash at the Beach 96

HE TOOK MY SUGGESTION!

Also, I'd love you covering ECW PPVs. Do an ECW one next please.

Eh, I've always enjoyed this event, but I like the attitude era's style lol. Always thought Triple H accidental line about being bisexual was hilarious and Brian Christopher using a bottle of Head and Shoulders was also unique xD

The reason the final match went off the air so quick was to leave everyone watching with a million questions, so they'd all tune into Raw the next night (where Austin regained the title). I can't remember if Taker pouring petrol all over Hebner was ever given a reason...I'm sure it will have been, albeit talked over briefly or something. During this time WWF was a little low on main eventers and only really had four in Austin, Taker, Mankind and Kane, so everything revolved around them and the storylines where slightly nuts too lol - it's the kind of thing where you need to watch Raw for literally weeks beforehand to understand it all, I think, otherwise it's a bit "dafuq?" xD

Anyway, review Royal Rumble 2000. One of my favourite events ever.

I just started on Bash At The Beach 96. After that, I'll do Royal Rumble 2000, though. I love the Royal Rumbles, so it should be fun.