Dean: Welcome fans back to TJ’s Wild World of Wrestling! We’re joined right now by Richard Rich Jr. and his stable of wrestlers known as RICH.

Richard Rich Jr.: You know Dean that ever since The Nugget Man defeated that Japanese school girl to become The Real Hardcore Champion he has been undefeated! He has plowed through world class wrestlers like Joey Jobberton and Mike Hunt. Heck he even beat David Beauregard, not in a match mind you but just in life in general.

TJ laughs at this

Richard Rich Jr.: And we’ve laid the challenge for anyone from The Xtreme Wrestling Alliance and Yamasi Pro to come here and wrestle The Nugget Man for the title. Not only have they been too afraid to come here but they’ve also decided to crown a fake champion in XWA. Excuse my French but that’s a load of crap! A true champion will face any challenge and The Nugget Man has done that every step of the way. I’m telling you Dean and anyone at home that whoever walks out of that match as the winner will be a farce as champion.

TJ boos the Rich.

Richard Rich Jr.: Well since we’ve defeated everyone here and the people in the other promotions fear The Nugget Man I suppose it’s time to look elsewhere for competition. Hey how about we look to some retired wrestlers and see if they’re willing to take a shot at my man?

Dean: Any ideas on who you’d like to comeback?

Richard Rich Jr.: Yeah how about Ace Acid? Where has he been? Or Lyxon Steel? Probably not going to happen because I imagine he’s hiding in a bunker, not because of the pandemic but because it’s Pride Month. You know what? How about I put up one million of my father’s money? Anyone that can defeat The Nugget Man will get one million dollars! Oh looks like we have a challenger coming this way.

Dean: Who is this?

A scrawny masked wrestler comes out from behind the curtain and walks to the interview table.

Richard Rich Jr: Hey look its Mirage! It’s been a while since anyone has seen you!

Dean: That isn’t Mirage!

Richard Rich Jr.: No Dean I think it is. Okay Mirage do you want to accept our million dollar challenge and face The Nugget Man for The Real Hardcore Championship?

The masked man nods his head.

Richard Rich Jr.: Perfect! Get in the ring and show The World what you’re made of!

The Nugget Man, Richard Rich Jr. and the scrawny masked man make their was inside the ring.

Dean: This match is set for one fall and is for The Real Hardcore Championship! Introducing first the challenger, from The Dark Side of The Ring this is Mirage!

The little masked guy raises his hand.

Dean: And the champion from Kotzebue, Alaska he weighs in at 245 pounds, The Real Hardcore Champion The Nugget Man!

The bell rings and the first thing The Nugget Man does is grabs Mirage’s forearm so that he could Irish whip him into the rope. As Mirage flies into the ropes The Nugget Man bends over so that when Mirage makes his way back over toward him he gets Mirage onto his shoulder, stands up and sends the masked man up into the air before he crashes down in the canvas. The Nugget Man turns around and gets on top of the man to pin him.

1!

2!

3!

The bell rings as Mr. Pretzel grabs The Real Hardcore Championship belt, walks over to the victor to hand him his prized possession and raises the champion’s arm in victory.

Dean: The winner of the match and still The Real Hardcore Champion The Nugget Man.

Richard Rich Jr.: You see Dean? The Nugget Man is unstoppable! Nobody is coming from XWA, Yamasi Pro or out of retirement to face him because they fear him! Well Dean to be the man you gotta beat The Nugget Man! And even will one million dollars on the line nobody is will to do it!

(Part two coming)

As TJ begins to go wild for the Nugget Man successfully retaining the ONLY championship is wrestling history that matters and, apparently, the only one people are genuinely afraid of going after, the Nugget Man’s music slowly begins to fade away. This seems entirely normal because after all, TJWWOW is a top notch promotion that gets exactly 14 hits per week on the BatttleFuck Network (the best numbers on the Network, I might add). The Nugget Man seems a little bugged that his music is not continuing to play as the show appears to be going off the air, but hey, he’s got the belt, he’s got TJ is cheering him, he’s got Twitter going wild about the victory. The Nugget Man is on top of the World and, best of all, he still has Million Dollars that not a single person on earth is man enough to come forward and actually collect. Then suddenly...

TJ is dismayed.

The lights go out. There is a deadly silence in the arena. The BattleFuck Network has given the show an overrun at the very last second. The Nugget Man turns around to the titantron, placing the Real Hardcore Championship over his shoulder, looking on ready for anything. You can cut the tension with a knife.

TJ begins to eat some Doritos.

The crunch of Cheese Doritos being eaten is just the icing on an already beautiful cake. A cake that is about to get a whole lot more bizarre. The lights begin to to pulsate, almost as if the arena has begun to breath in anticipation for The Nugget Man’s next challenger!

| Dean: Oh my! What is happening now?! I thought we were going off the air?

| Richard Rich Jr.: Well you thought wrong! I think The Nugget Man is about to face his next opponent! Could the greatest wrestler in history be doing double duty tonight?!

TJ nods in giddy approval, reaching further into his family size bag of doritos.

Then it happens. It actually happens. Music begins to suddenly play. Music people thought they’d never hear again. Music that has not echoed in an arena since the days of federations past. Music that almost makes time itself stand still. Music that send shivers down the spine of the millions upon millions watching at home. Music that sends fear into the hearts of everyone that face this individual in the past. Music...well, it’s really just music, but bah GAWD is it damn good music!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bDD914rahc

| Dean: ARE. YOU. KIDDING. ME?!?!

| Richard Rich Jr.: No. No. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! No. No. Nope. Nadda. No. NO!!!

| Dean: I think the word you actually mean is YES!!! IT’S HAPPENING! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!

TJ’s jaw drops, one solitary Dorito hanging from his bottom lip.

The Nugget Man can’t believe it! Is it REALLY him? It couldn’t be...could it? I mean, of ALL the places for this man to return, it had to be for the REAL Hardcore Championship, right? Right. RIGHT?! Either way, it is indeed happening and these words are being written. As the theme kicks in after a few seconds, the lights come back on, with red and white beams shot up all around, making it an epilictic’s nightmare. The awful screech of a smoke machine can suddenly be heard, as two technicians either side of the entrance stage begin to wave around the machines, desperately trying to cover the whole area in smoke. It’s not particularly working very well, but still, it has its effect. Then it happens. A figure slowly begins to walk out from within the pitiful smoke display. Is it really HIM, though? I mean, from what we can see on the screen, it so far looks the deal. The camera man races up the entrance ramp, trying his damndest to get the best possible shot for the billions upon billions of fans at home. He pans the camera up, revealing ripped blue jeans, generic TJWWOW T-Shirt (in default black of course, because everything else costs far too much. Budgets, people), expensive trainers and a rugged looking leather jacket to boot. The camera finally pans to the top of this person’s body, revealing the man to be wearing a black cowboy hat. One that has the sides closely pushed to the inner part. Another trademark, seemingly, of this man. However the man is looking down, not showing his face, creating anticipation and justification for making this entrance so stupidly long to write. He then begins to slowly raise his head.

TJ slowly moves his head to the entrance stage at the very same time. The Dorito, still, hanging.

The Nugget Man, meanwhile, in the ring has been looking on this entire time, just waiting to accept another challenger for his REAL Heardcore Championship, because thus far, nobody has been man enough to legitimately accept his challenges. I mean, if a man has Vince Russo cut a promo on his behalf, you know this guy is legit, bro.

Anywho, The Nugget Man walks over to the ropes facing the ramp and stands on the middle portion, now just signalling that he wants this cowboy wannabe’ to make his way down to the ring area. The camera pans back to the entrance stage and, within a few moments of worry that it would be a Kevin Dunn moment and completely miss the reveal, we finally get to see who this is. Is it really happening? Oh, it’s really happening and they are about to come for that Million Dollars...of one hundred….whatever, kayfabe.

| Dean: DAVID. FREAKIN. MICHAELS!!!

| Richard Rich Jr.: Well fuck…

The zillions upon zillions of fans at home go wild, as those three words are shouted out by Dean at the top of his lungs. David Freakin’ Michaels is back! David looks up, with a grin upon his fa---actually, he looks confused as all hell, as he honestly isn’t quite sure what he’s doing. Either way, he looks around, expecting to see thousands of fans in attendance. We get a second camera angle, to capture the Mania-Style moment, which is placed behind him looking over his shoulder. However, David doesn’t see the thousands of fans he has been used to throughout his career. Instead, he sees just a solitary man. A man he doesn’t recognise. A man just staring at him with a soggy Dorito attached to the lower half of his face. David Michaels stares at this one fan, not a single clue as to who this is. Nevermind. Being the professional he is, David Micahels rolls with it and begins to go into Showstealer mode. Michaels suddenly leaps forward, high into the air, and begins to twirl around, both arms reached out as far as they can go. Michaels continues to do a few rotations, before stopping, looking down the camera in front of him, winking, and simply saying “I’m back, baby!”.

| Dean: Oh my GAWD, it’s actually him! David Michaels is here in TJWWOW! I can’t believe what I am seeing! Somebody pinch me!

Richard Rich Jr. then pokes Dean in the neck pretty damn hard...

| Dean: OW! THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!

| Richard Rich Jr.: I pinched you, idiot. For a commentator, you’re not very good at this schtick, Dean…

| Dean: That’s not what I mea….nevermind. MICHAELS!

David then gets down on one knew, lifts both his arms up and begins to flex his muscles, which are actually still there. Usually, at this point, huge pyro would go off. However, due to TJWWOW’s lack of funding, instead the same technicians that are still holding the smoke machines now have small sparklers in their opposite hands and begin to wave them around> Michaels continues his pose, holding it, presuming that someone just forgot to press the pyro button. After about ten seconds, Michaels lowers his arms and looks round, noticing the technicians. The blank face says it all. Michaels’ head drops, then stands to his feet. He refuses to acknowledge this whole scenario and begins to dance his way down to the ringside area.

TJ’s Dorito is still hanging.

The Nugget Man has a giant smile on his face, still straddled on the middle rope. As Michaels gets to the bottom of the ramp, The Nugget Man backs off the ropes and hops down into the middle of the ring. He motions for David Michaels to get in, which he is to oblige in due course, climbing up the steps and through the ropes. As Michaels begins to make his way through the ropes, his right leg half way through, he suddenly stops. He looks out to the crowd at his left and sees the one figure sat about five rows back. This gentleman’s expression hasn’t now changed in about roughly two minutes. Michaels stands back fully on the apron, taking a longer look at this man. He cocks (ha, cock) his head to the right, with a confused expression on his face.

Then it clicks. It. Fucking. Clicks.

Michaels then leaps off the apron, with an angered expression, jumping over the barricade and racing over to TJ himself.

TJ is bewildered.

| Dean: Oh man, this doesn’t look good for TJ!

| Richard Rich Jr.: JUST FACE THE NUGGET MAN ALREADY, MICHAELS, YOU COWARD. ALSO, STREAM METAL GEAR, GOPHER,  YOU COWARD!

| Dean: What are you talking about?! Who, or what, in the hell is Gopher?!

| Richard Rich Jr.: You uncultured swine…

Michaels is now right in the face of TJ, a little to the right, with the camera man on the opposite side. TJ is now completely frozen, his eyes open as wide as they can possibly go, looking forwards, his legs beginning to go to jelly and his bottom lip beginning to tremble. The Dorito, however, is persistent and holds on. Michaels moves his own face ever so closer to TJ’s, to the point where this is actually pretty uncomfortable to watch. With barely and inch between the two, Michaels inspects him, looking up and down. Is this...The Pirate? He seems familiar. Too familiar. Wait...is this...no. Surely n---IT ISSSSSSSSSSSS!

TJ remains bewildered.

It’s the man that created Tyler Lawson. It’s the man that made this kayfabe character’s life a complete misery for, like, eight years. He finally meets the man he’s dreamt about superkicking in the face so much. Michaels is just overcome with rage. Anger. Confusion. Happiness. Sadness. Sexiness. Wait, that's a bit odd...Sadness. Michaels then gets a few centimetres closer and whispers in his ear, the camera man panning right in so we can hear exactly what is said…

| David Michaels: I'm gonna’ fucking kill you motherfucker....

Michaels then slowly stands back up and backs away, turning his attention back towards the ring.

TJ is still bewildered.

The Nugget Man, meanwhile, still in the ring has begun to lose patience and starts to yell at Michaels to finally join him. Michaels does so, jogging back to barricade, leaping over and sliding into the ring. Whilst Michaels does this, The Nugget Man has since grabbed a microphone from the time keeper at ringside. Michaels gets right in the face of the Nugget Man. Before he can even say a word, the Nugget Man begins to talk…

| The Nugget Man: OK, enough of this charade! Everybody knows who the hell you are and we didn’t need to go into a damn overrun just for you to make an overinflated return entrance. Man, you’re not even a Sexy Kurt, with no gold medals, let alone a Sexy Boy! I know why you are here and I’m going to tell you now, brother, you’re going to fall just like the rest! Even Vince Russo knows it. So stop Smurfing around and lets get this over with. Challenge me for the REAL Hardcore Championship, you coward! Come get this Million Dollars!

| Dean: Oh my, business is picking up right about now! This may turn into a slobberknocker!

| Richard Rich Jr.: Alright, easy there, Jim Ross. Can you please be the one commentator in efedding that ISN’T cliche?

| Dean: …………………………………………………………………………..no.

| Richard Rich Jr.:

Michaels looks at The Nugget Man in disgust, as he snatches the microphone from his hands, before aggressively pushing him back.

| David Michaels: BACK THE HELL UP!

The Nugget Man stumbles back a few paces, then takes one step forwards, as his Hardcore Championship swings down in his right hand beside his leg.

| David Michaels: I don’t know who the hell you are, are what the hell you are doing, or what in the blue hell this place is, or what that title is, or even where the hell we are...but let me tell you something ‘Nugget Man’, I was told there was going to a Million Dollar prize for the person that beats you for that title...and I’m here to tell you, brother, that I am going to be challenging you for it and taking that money home, brother, at TJWWOW’s next Pay Per View event, the Big Ass American Bash!

| Dean: OH MY! YES! THE BIG ASS AMERICAN BASH IS BACK!

TJ cheers for the return of the Bash.

TJ is still bewildered, however.

The Nugget Man re-snatches the microphone from Michaels hand and gets right back up in his face.

| The Nugget Man: Woah, easy there cowboy. Since you’re so eager for a match and... well, you know what, since I am the only true defending champion in this company, let's cut a deal. You can get your shot at the title and the million dollars. You win, you get both. However, if I win...oh man...when I win, you have to join RICH!

| Dean: OH MY! If Michaels wins, he gets the title and the money, but if he loses, he has to join RICH!

| Richard Rich Jr.: HELL YEAH!

Michaels face goins into serious anger mode, he can not believe what The Nugget Man just proposed to him! However, the most angry person in this arena, is not in fact Michaels. It’s TJ. Finally, the Dorito falls to the ground, in all its mushy glory.

| TJ: GAWD DAMMIT! YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! DON’T DO THIS!

Michaels then turns, almost scarcely viciously, and glares at TJ and simply yells…

| David Michaels: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

TJ is once again bewildered.

Michaels quickly turns back to The Nugget Man, snatches the mic for a second time, and simply says…

| David Michaels: You’re on!

...and just like that, the match that nobody expected and asked to see, is finally happening! And TJWWOW has the exclusive rights for the most bizarre match this man is ever going to write. Michaels then steps back, turns to where TJ is seated, and launches the mic in his general direction. He completely misses, but it’s enough for TJ to get up and run away in confusion by this whole scenario. Michaels turns back to the Nugget Man and the two touch heads, talking smack to one another. Both say inaudible, what is presumably, swear words to one another. The Nugget Man then pushes Michaels back, telling him to bring it and raises the REAL Hardcord Championship above his head. Michaels is bolted back and looks down at the canvas, a smile coming over his face, as if to say “alright, he went there”. Michaels then suddenly side-steps forwards and launches his right leg into the air, connecting with the boot squarely in the chin of The Nugget Man! He goes flying backwards, completely over selling the kick, and flies through the ropes, crashing to the floor below. Michaels is visibly distressed and looks around…

| Dean: SHATTERED TEETH SYMPHONY!

| Richard Rich Jr.: WHAT THE--!!

Michaels looks around, more angry than he ever has been, and spots the ref that had not been mentioned up to this point because it now fits in with the narrative. He launches another right boot into his face too! The ref, who is a very large looking chap, isn’t very good at selling and just collapses to the floor, pretty much acting like he was legitimately shot in the face.  Michaels leans over the ref and simply yells “YOU’RE A STAN!” . Michaels then looks around and runs out of the ring. He kicks the time keeper in the face, followed by “YOU’RE A STAN!”. He sees a camera man getting a shot of the out cold timekeeper. Boom. Kick to the camera. “YOU’RE A STAN!”. Michaels then turns to the announce table, kicks Richard Rich in the face, followed by a swift on to Dean, both then getting a loud “YOU’RE A STAN…. AND YOU’RE A STAN!” after. Michaels looks around, just waving his arms in the air, almost confused as to where exactly this is going. The ring announcer suddenly gets Michaels locked on him, but is at least witty enough to launch himself over the barricade and runs away. Michaels doesn’t attempt to give chase and simply yells “YOU WERE ALMOST A STAN!”.

Then, just when you think this insanity is over, from the very far corner of the arena, a voice can be heard yelling…

| TJ: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE! FUCK YOU! EVERYTHING IS OVER!

Michaels’ eyes widen, crazed by the sound of TJ daring to tell him not to write this monstrosity of a promo. Michaels then leaps over the barricade for the second time tonight and begins racing towards TJ’s general direction! TJ sees this and throws a second bag of Doritos he has since acquired, how into the air, as pure fear takes over his body. He turns and quickly runs out of the exit door behind him. Michaels gives chase, determined to get this man once and for all.

And as the final shot of Michaels is seen to be him racing down a dimly lit hallway after TJ, and the TJWWOW logo fading into shot at the bottom left of the screen, we are simply left with the echoes of The Showstealer informing TJ, at the top of his lungs, that he is “GOING TO GET YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH!”....

Shows ends in happy Ba Da Boom.

This was fantastic. I love the interactions between Michaels and TJ. And Michaels being out of his element in what's basically an indy level production was hilarious

This promo is great and I'm really excited for the match!