WWE RAW 29th July Review
Punctuality is my middle name. I have cruel parents.
We're starting off with Vince and Brad. Brad is apologising for letting Cena choose his opponent. Vince insults Bryan a bit, which summons The Dragon himself. Bryan is not happy with Brad's words, but he knows they're really Vince's words. Vince reckons Cena only picked Bryan because Bryan can't beat Cena. This would be great if it was leading to a Cena heel turn (I know, I know, internet wrestling fan 101 there). Oh wait, Vince is insulting Cena now. Vince just went all Emmett Brown then "SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION. NEVER TO BE SEEN FROM AGAIN!" Was this the Vince promo that was edited? Should have edited it harder.
The Shield are here! But Vince and Bryan have left, so their timing is off. They have a match though!
The Shield vs. Mark Henry & The Usos
Roman Reigns and Mark Henry staredown! Sadly only Roman bothers to shout. Decent action happens, but then Mark decides enough is enough and double clotheslines Rollins and Ambrose over the top rope, and then throws Reigns after them, setting up a Double Suicide Dive from The Usos. That was cool. No Michael Cole, you do not plug Total Divas when Mark Henry is in or around the ring. Rollins starts going "yeahyeahyeahyeahyeah" whilst Ambrose does stuff, and I'm reminded of Muttley. Then that rasslin frasslin Mark Henry goes and hits Rollins. Ambrose manages to counter a Splash by getting the knees up, and then gets the win with his Headlock Driver. Pretty good match, obviously Henry & Usos weren't going to win, but they did a good job of making it look like they might. Then Mark throws all of The Shield out of the ring because he can. ***
Ryback was a bully earlier, and now they're showing us him being a bully earlier. Except they're showing it now. TECHNOLOGY. Douchebag Ryback is best Ryback.
Kane is backstage with Brad Maddox. Nobody cares. I mean absolute silence greets him. He's looking for The Wyatt Family, but Brad tells him that the best way to get their attention is to beat Bryan.
Rob Van Dam vs. Fandango
Fandango is apparently a Doctor of Dance. I wonder if that can be combined with Thugonomics? Cole mentioned that Fandango won his debut match at Wrestlemania, which reminds me...has he won that many since? Wait there whilst I go and check. Hmm, kind of mixed wins and losses. Could do with another high-profile win though, as he's on something of a losing streak. Which will continue as he's leaving. Not a bad match, just kind of there. **
AJ and Big E are backstage. AJ is upset because E never stops Kaitlyn spearing her. Except she isn't. Because...um...reasons. Big E is confused as I am.
Kaitlyn vs. AJ Lee w/ Big E Langston
AJ hits a really nasty looking kick to the head of Kaitlyn. And then counters a Spear with a knee to the throat. Kaitlyn does manage to hit the Spear eventually though. Not a bad match, but it dragged just before the finish. **. AJ goes all 2003 Christian by throwing a tantrum. Except Christian never had a giant black dude to comfort him. But here's Ziggler to do some mocking! Ziggler then does some mocking. Then he challenges Big E to a match...RIGHT. NOW.
Dolph Ziggler vs. Big E Langston
These two are both quick. I mean we know Ziggler is, but Big E is no slouch either. Big E yells "YOUR TIME IS UP" at Ziggler, which sadly does not lead to a new gimmick where he bellows other wrestler's theme music during matches. Seriously, how cool would that be? "BOOYAKA BOOYAKA SIX ONE NINE" *suplex*. Er, Big E is killing Ziggler. Ziggler tricks E into throwing himself over the ropes, and AJ attacks him. That was quite good until the finish, gives me hope for a PPV match between them. **1/2, Big E is upset because she cost him the match. Ziggler sneaks up behind and hits the Zig Zag.
John Cena is ON. THE. PHONE. Until Bryan interrupts him. This is a thing that happened.
Christian vs. Alberto Del Rio
Alberto hits a nasty looking dropkick, slamming Christian's arm into the Steel Steps. Later on Christian hits a Tornado DDT that spikes Alberto into the canvas. Why do WWE pick the most boring tweets to display? Obviously they don't want the super smarky ones, but Jesus, it's all "let's go @myfavouritewrestler kick @otherwrestler in the butt #RAW" This is a very good match, by the way. Great work by Christian on selling the arm injury. Christian counters Cross-Armbreaker into a really cool roll-up, and gets the win. I enjoyed that. ***
Wade Barrett vs. Cody Rhodes
Repeats are shown of Cody throwing the MITB briefcase into the Gulf of Mexico. Wonder where they're going with that? Be interesting if the briefcase is gone forever. Sandow was great in those promos by the way. For some reason Barrett is shouting "BO!" after every big move. You're not feuding with him anymore, Wade. Cody wins a decent match, which had a lot of offense from Barrett in it. **. Here comes Sandow! He's upset, obviously.
Kane is backstage! Soon he will be in the ring! See Kane in the ring...NEXT!
Daniel Bryan vs. Kane
Bryan hits a pretty cool looking hurricanrana over the top rope to Kane, which is really the only interesting thing to happen in the first five minutes of the match. I love Bryan kicking the middle rope into people's faces. I suppose I should praise how they're showing the technical strength of Bryan against the...strengthy strength of Kane. Bryan wins with a roll-up, countering the Chokeslam. But Kane hits the CHokeslam anyway, because he's angry. ANGRY. ***.
Kane tries to do his pyro, but Wyatt Family! Kane goes straight after Wyatt, but Harper and Rowan catch him and send him into the ring. Kane starts to fight back, but Harper hits almost a flying big boot. I think he lost his balance somewhat there, but it looked cool. Speaking of cool, Discus Clothesline! Wyatt in the ring, and he hits Sister Abigail. He's talking :D. Not his best promo, but still very good. I like the little "glitch" effect before and after their segments, by the way.
Brie Bella vs. Natalya
This isn't good. Then Nikki comes out and it gets worse. I refuse to rate this.
R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel
Paul Heyman's going to cut a promo before the match. It's not a very good one. Then he hands the mic to Curtis, and it gets worse. Match plods along until Punk runs in and attacks Axel. He goes after Heyman, but Axel makes the save. I can't really rate that match because it hardly happened.
Triple H is backstage with Vince. Vince wants someone like Triple H to beat Cena, except 23 years younger. Triple H is 44. 44 - 23 = 21. Eva Marie is the only WWE employee that I can find that's 21. Eva Marie is going to beat Cena! Stephanie wants to give Bryan a "corporate makeover." NO.
Ryback vs. John Cena
Ryback breaks a table in half against the ringpost, the great big pillock. There's loads of tables set up on the entrance way as well, so it might be easier for them to just drag their opponent up there, rather than try to pull one out and set it up. Ryback listens to me and tries to Powerbomb Cena through one of them. Cena sent towards the steps, and I hate it when guys are sent that way, and do the really obvious shove into the steps to try and make it look worse. Ha, Cena just threw a table over the top rope at Ryback, but Ryback slide under the ring to escape. Now they both have steel steps! DUEL! The duel basically involves them both hitting each other then dropping the steps. I'm upset now. Cena avoids a second Meathook Clothesline, and puts Ryback through a table with the AA. Some fun spots in that one. ***
Bryan comes out, and grabs the WWE title. He refuses to hand it to Cena, who snatches it back.
A disappointing RAW, after a couple of very good ones. Everything just seemed to fall a little flat this week. Maybe because of it being a taped show?
Subject: WWE RAW 29th July Review 
