An advertisement for RELIEF concludes as Jon St. John growls his best Duke Nukem, selling the pain meds.  We return to Portland as the camera centres on the commentary team; we find the combatants already in the ring
 
Welcome back fans, our next contest is almost ready to get underway.  It features the arrival of a new team, the Logging Crew.  I understand you've been looking into these guys Adam.
 
Positively Teddy, but I'll speak to that momentarily, let's go up and get the intros from Laura Watts.
 
Camera shifts to inside the ring, where Laura stands front and centre
 
Our next contest is special tag team attraction set for one fall. In the ring to my right, at a combined weight of 436lbs, Crow & Riley Williamson, The Nest.
 
The anti-establishment all-stars receive a generous pop, and acknowledge the adulation according to their usual custom.
 
Their opponents, to my left, making their debut in XWA, have a combined weight of 526 lbs, Cletus the Lumberjack and Big Jim, The Logging Crew.
 
Both men look intent and are seemingly oblivious to the boos that shower them
 
No doubt about it, a couple of intimidating characters.
 
That’s a typical understatement; I mean Cletus has got a screw loose for sure and this other guy, Jim, he’s more animal than man I heard.
 
Well that could be, but their going up against some stiff competition tonight in the form of Crow & Riley Williamson.
 
After giving Cletus & Big Jim the once over, he steps aside and calls for the bell.  Big Jim and Cletus strategize in the corner for a moment, while Riley Williamson paces impatiently and goads the lumbermen from the safety of his own corner. Finally, Jim comes to the centre of the ring and the two men lock up and we’re underway. The two grapplers struggle momentarily before Jim maneuvers his way into control with a standing top wrist lock. Riley winces in pain as the woodsman attempts to use every inch of his leverage advantage to inflict pain on his smaller foe. Struggling, Williamson tries to fight back, pushing up against his lanky adversary. The Black Rapids native will have none of it however, and trips him to the mat. Releasing the wrist lock, he gives his challenger a stiff kick to the solar plexus, and proceeds to grab Riley’s legs, steps in front of the Hardcore Champion’s arms, and stretches the legs backward; an excruciating stump puller.
 
That’s an ugly move Adam…
 
And it’ll give you an ugly feeling Teddy. I doubt Jim is going to get a submission with it, but it’ll certainly make Riley Williamson question why he ever got into wrestling.
 
Williamson’s face is contorted in pain, while Jim’s is somewhat more tranquil, totally in control and relishing a human contact he is so often denied. Crow tries to will his partner on from the apron, and Cletus howls for his mate to keep the pressure on. At length, no doubt realizing, as Adam did, that a submission is unlikely, Jim frees his quarry and, after delivering a few kicks to his shoulder blade area, makes the tag to Cletus. Sensing an opportunity, Riley makes a feeble attempt to reach his corner, but is caught. The gleeful lumberjack taunts Crow and spits in his face. This, of course brings the offended anti-hero into the ring, flushed with righteous indignation. The old trope plays itself out as the referee admonishes the overzealous grappler and The Logging Crew make use of an opportunity to double team, putting the boots to their prone enemy. Cletus slaps on a fearsome shoulder claw, digging his fingers into the soft flesh of the trapezius.
 
This is smart wrestling by The Logging Crew, their slowing things down and grinding their opponents nice and slow. You also know that the big man Cletus is in Riley’s ear, playing the head games.
 
Riley Williamson has got to make a tag.
 
You ain’t whistlin’ Dixie…
 
The hefty birler shifts tactics and, grabbing his foe’s hands, applies a straightjacket submission. Wrenching back, Cletus gains a slow and sly nod from his corner and Crow begins stomping, hoping to inspire his partner and change his team’s fortunes. The light cheers seem to have some effect, as Riley attempts to pitch and roll himself free. Aware of his position in the ring, he flails his legs and manages to hook the ropes. Cletus reluctantly releases the hold and Williamson falls supine on the mat. The beast of bonnie Beaubears winds up to deliver an elbow drop, but smaller man manages to roll clear. As Cletus writhes in pain, Riley Williamson finally makes the tag the crowd has been waiting for. The fresh man catches Cletus coming on a late interception and fires him into the ropes, catching him with a running clothesline that sends the big man to the mat for the first time in the bout. The crowd begins to come alive in support of the Deranged One and Crow tries to seal the deal with a pin, but only gets a two count.
 
Too soon, you’ll need a lot more than a clothesline to keep a guy like this down for a three count.
 
Alright, it looks like the XWA vets have a little life in them yet. Let’s see if Cletus can take it as well as he dishes it out.
 
These big bucks might have expended too much energy thus far.  I’d say the Nest has suckered them in over the course of their debut match-up.
 
A bit of rope-a-dope, well no one accused these loggers of being geniuses.
 
Crow comes on like a house of fire and hits a jumping head-butt, followed by a standing dropkick, much to the crowd’s delight. The Logging Crew have seen enough and after Cletus rolls out of the ring, the two men meet to discuss strategy and rub the animal skins. The crowd voices their disapproval, as does the team in the ring, but they can only wait on the referee’s count. Satisfied with the slight delay in the action, Cletus climbs onto the apron to resume the conflict, the man with the dark heart tries to take advantage by attempting an apron suplex, but halfway through the move Big Jim hooks his leg, sending Cletus crashing down on top of him.
 
These guys have a bad reputation Adam, and that dirty trick shows you why.
 
C’mon Ted, they’re only trying to win.  I don’t see any halos over the other guys’ heads. 
 
As both men make it to their feet, the gent from the New Brunswick wilds pounces on his quarry with a choke. Rescue for Crow is quick in coming as his partner storms into the ring and begins kicking, trying to break the logger’s grip. The referee quickly ushers him away, allowing Big Jim an opportunity to get his licks in on the motionless Crow and duck put before the official regains control. Having taken his tongue-lashing for the initial choke, Cletus is eager to return to punishing his foe.  The New Yorker has the wherewithal to give the woodsman a shot in the throat and try a small package for the win, albeit in vain. The surge does prove enough of a shock to Cletus that Crow can make a tag to Williamson who mounts the turnbuckle as Cletus, visibly shaken by the flurry, makes it to his feet. An attempted flying axe handle falls short as the woodsman has the presence of mind to land a shot to the gut on his flying foe. Cletus follows up this desperation tactic by waiting for Williamson to rise, before charging in and flattening him with a vicious chop block. With their opposition hobbled, Cletus tags out.  Big Jim helps the wounded warrior to his feet, only to send him stumbling backwards into the ropes after a chilling inverted atomic drop. Not wasting his time, Jim launches himself and both men tumble to the outside after a cactus clothesline. Immediately, both partners jump to the floor and rush to the scene of the crash, colliding over the prone bodies of their comrades. Jim makes it to his feet first, and ignoring the melee his partner is embroiled in, drags the Williamson to his feet and rolls him into the ring. Having left his opponent’s head hanging outside, Big Jim now walks the apron to deliver a guillotine leg drop that sucks the air out of the arena.
 
Whoa, a savage leg drop right there. Riley will have nightmares for a month about that big leg crashing down upon him.
 
Cletus & Big Jim using that power, it’s served them well thus far.
 
I’ve said it before, a good big  man will always beat a good little man.

So, you’re saying this one is over?
 
Not at all, the Nest are a helluva tag team, I’d never count them out.  The Logging Crew might have done things elsewhere, but they’re only beards and big talk thus far in XWA.
 
Williamson frailly crawls to a neutral corner, trying to gain some respite, but is stalked by the crazed lumberman, who scrapes the sole of his boots across his panting visage in a humiliating face wash. Wishing to further capitalize on the pitiable state of his opposition, Jim backs up to furnish a running kick, but miscalculates allowing the younger man to roll clear before the blow strikes home. The lumberman collides with the turnbuckle, and Williamson summons enough strength to mash the plaid clad lad into the buckle once more for good measure. He then falls into a tag.
 
He didn’t really make the tag; he just sorta fell into it. Sometimes it’s better to be lucky than good I guess.
 
No argument there, and it seems that the Nest have had Lady Luck riding with them tonight…or maybe perched on their shoulder.
 
Crow strides into the ring, a look of confidence on his face, as the man from Black Rapids squirms on the ground, his appendages seemingly outside his control. The 219-pounder raises his boot and brings it crashing down upon the lumberman’s left arm, seemingly looking to continue what he began with the arm bar earlier in the bout. Yet, he does not stop there, stomping down on the left side of the chest, then the left portion of the stomach, upper leg, lower leg, and completing the circuit up the right side of Jim’s body, as he quivers with every blow. Finally, he plants his foot firmly down upon the jaw, and Jim’s mouth lolls open, coughing and sputtering. With the birler wounded, Crow tags Riley back in. Before leaving, the man from New York City grabs his opponent, turns him upside-down, and holds him in an inverted position, while his protégée mounts the ropes just long enough to come off and spike the piledriver.
 
Crow is taking it easy in this one so far Adam.
 
Well that’s his prerogative, he’s the master and he can choose to get the student in there to do the heavy lifting.
 
That student is the Hardcore champion!
 
Just shows you how valuable Crow’s wisdom is.
 
With Jim down, and potentially out, Williamson hazards a cover, but comes up with a two-count and chorus of boos from the crowd, who had hoped the match was over there. Cletus doesn’t bat an eyelash on the apron, seemingly retaining supreme confidence in his partner. Riley aims to test that faith as he coaxes the whistle punk to his feet, and as his adversary complies he’s hit with a standing drop kick. Jim sways and plants his feet, determined not to pitch over backward, but he’s hit with another dropkick hot on the heels of the first. As Williamson prepares to deliver the third in the trio, and by far the hardest, the Black Rapids Brute falls like the majestic redwoods, causing his lighter assailant to cruise harmlessly over him. The hardcore champ is a touch shaken by this and rather than push his luck, he opts to call upon the fresh man. Crow re-enters the fray and plays it a little dirty by applying a blatant choke. The official’s reprimand is ignored until the count of four, but the Deranged One is still subject to a tongue lashing afterward, how ever much he tries to ignore it. For the latest time, Jim is back on his feet, but Crow is intent on putting him down once again. His running charge at the woozy wood-chucker is cut short when the big man snatches him up in a desperate sideslam, quite to the surprise of one and all.
 
Jim scores big there, but he doesn’t even know where he is right now.
 
This one is starting to ramp up.  These four can’t go at this rate much longer.
 
You’re right, I’d wager the end is near.
 
The only man standing in the ring begins to count, but it isn’t long before both men are on their knees and about ready to go. The logger tries to regain the initiative with a flood of stiff shots, but the man with the black heart weathers them and replies with a blatant eye gouge. Ignoring the official’s reproofs, he rears back and headbutts his foe, buckling Jim’s knees and causing him to crumble. Crow now digs in a shoulder claw, looking to catch his wind. Cletus comes off the apron and lands a clubbing blow across the dark one’s shoulders.  The beast of Beaubears now lifts Jim to his feet, and the Logging Crew now fire Crow into the strands, only to have him sent back. They lock arms and lift their boots and the run is cut short and his face collides with the shoe leather and what’s behind it. Over the protests of the official, Cletus lifts up the limp Brooklyn resident, and hooks his arms. Big Jim gives a wink to Riley on the apron as he winds up to deliver what is sure to be a knockout blow. However, Crow is playing possum and drops out of the way at the last moment. Jim hits Cletus such a clout that the latter careens to the far ropes, his body twisting in such a way that his head is caught between the first and second strand. Lo and behold, who stands close by but Riley Williamson, who sweeps Cletus’ legs and lets him hang, all the while returning Jim’s wink.
 
My God! All two hundred eighty-something pounds pulling down on the neck of Cletus, and those ropes have no give when they’re wrapped around your throat.
 
His face is turning colour! Actually…it might be considered an improvement…
 
Jim is so stunned, he’s caught in a schoolboy that leaves him shaken, though able to kick out at one.  While the referee works to free Cletus, Jim is subjected to a snap suplex and a tag that leaves the odds at two-to-one for the moment.  Williamson makes a sidestep before delivering a kick to his opponent's midriff, doubling him over just in time for Crow to jump up in the air, landing a leg across the back of Jim’s head and driving him into the mat.  As Cletus falls to the floor and the official turns to face the action, the Nest signals the end.   Crow hooks a suplex and holds his foe in the upside-down position at the peak of the arc for several seconds before placing him on Riley's shoulders.  Mere seconds before the F-5 can complete the Last Call, the Ferry Road Freight Train clips the Nest’s wings by chop-blocking Williamson’s leg.  Jim lands atop the young and has sense enough to hook a leg, but Crow breaks it up at two.  The Hardcore titlist cradles his wounded leg, while Jim struggles to his feet.  He’s met with a sharp jab from Crow.  The two trade shots all the way over the ropes to the floor.
 
This one’s getting out of hand; if the official can’t keep control it’s time for a DQ.
 
You’re joking right? 
 
Rules are there to protect the wrestlers Adam.
 
They’re guidelines Teddy, and definitely not meant to end a match as hot as this one without getting a winner.
 
Everyone has lost track of who’s legally supposed to be in the ring and the ref mistakenly counts down the two men in the ring instead of counting Jim out.  Cletus wearily drapes Riley’s leg around his neck, and plants a knee across the young man’s shoulders, bowing the champ’s body outward like a young sapling. Williamson moans in pain, and Cletus screams in reply, demanding that his opponent give up. On the outside, Crow tries to intervene but only makes it to the apron before Big Jim takes hold of his leg and hauls him to the floor, his head bouncing violently off the edge of the ring on the way down with a nasty smack.
 
Oooo…that’ll leave a mark.
 
I can’t believe that Riley is still fighting this, he’s got the crowd in his corner.
 
He is a strong one, but he’ll need a lot more than an arena full of hardcore marks to see to it he makes it outta this.
 
Oh I think he’s been through a lot worse than this in his day.
 
The brawny Beaubearian keeps the pressure on, along with the encouragement to throw in the towel. Big Jim gets into the ring and begins stomping on Oleg’s head and then applies the Pulp Hook clawhold before the official forcibly removes him. The referee returns to the submission hold and it looks like the champion is out. Riley’s arm drops once, twice and holds, suspended in the air, for the briefest of seconds. A triumphant cheer forms in the throats of the Portland fans, but it’s snuffed out by the fall of the mighty limb. The man in the zebra shirt waves his hands and calls for the bell, thankful this match is over.
 

Your winners of the match, Cletus the Lumberjack and Big Jim, The Logging Crew!