So, this happens once every few years. I give TNA one show to impress me. Last time it happened was in fact that show where there was 14 minutes of wrestling on a two hour wrestling show. Here's hoping they can do a little better than that, without Russo booking this shit though I'm guessing it'll be better.
I wrote this thing out as I watched it because it helps me get a better idea of what I'm watching if I write up something in review as I watch it. So, I thought I might as well post it and if anyone's interested they can read it and tell me stuff that I ask about in it. Remember, this is me jumping into watching a show that I haven't really paid attention to outside of the odd news topic on a couple of forums since... I wanna say 2009 was the last time I watched it but it might've been earlier.
So, without further adieu...
So, we have a previously on video thingy. Not a bad idea at all with episodic wrestling shows. Gets the storylines going and gives me a summary to start with at least.
Also, Magnus jumping on Sting looked so fucking bad.
That looks like Mike Knox... I think it is Knox... We'll say it is. He shouldn't talk because "Bros before hos" is possibly the worst line of all time.
Oh, AJ. You would be so much better if your accent didn't drive me crazy. Okay seriously, this promo with Dixie could've been so much better. Instead of Dixie claiming she built the house she could've easily been all "This house that AJ Styles built? Well, Dixie Carter runs the lights in it and you are lucky to be being kept in it!" Then she could've shut down the show. That would've been better and made sense. It doesn't make sense her being all "I BUILT TNA" because no, she didn't. It's not really working as a heel to just say stupid things that aren't true. The best heels tell the truth but it's the truth that people don't want to hear.
Oh look, Dixie Carter. STING! Sting was never the best actor. I like these handheld camera shots backstage. Much better than the WWE style of oh you two wanna talk? Well we just happen to have a camera on a FUCK I'M DRAWING A BLANK, but yeah, just happen to have a steady cam. More modern in the feel.
Fuck that crowd's disappointing. They need to darken it up a bit so the show looks more full.
Bully Ray's holding the title belt upside down... He does have a quite good looking valet with him though. THAT WAS IN THE RECAP SO I AT LEAST KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON! Can't say the same when I watch WWE. I thought Aces and Eights was supposed to be some rebel guys, why is Bully complimenting Dixie, the boss?
Bully and AJ are supposed to be facing at some Pay Per View right? Yeah that's what Bully's saying. Fuck I'm good at knowing this shit. "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AAAAAM?" Is that a catchphrase? THAT SO IS MIKE KNOX! Keen. I actually like this storyline really. Apart from the "hos" and "bros" thing again. Fuck sake's Mike Knox. :@ But the heel stable falling apart around the leader when he becomes champion and gets focused on his own stuff is awesome. Bully is looking in pretty good shape too.
Hahahahaha, who's the little guy that just got knocked halfway across the ring when Mike Knox clapped him on the shoulder? Soooo threatening. Ooooh, Bully Ray's about to get his head kicked off. Oh. I forgot Tazz was on commentary. Great. Hahahaha, did Tazz just call Mike Knox the Knux? Fuck me.
Yaaaay TJ Perkins! Facing Chris Sabin? Hmm... That should be good then. ODB is still a thing? Why? What's a Joseph Park?
WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABYSS? Where is Abyss' mask? :\
Oh Jersey Shore knock offs. FUCKING SWEET GIMMICK BROS. See, now that annoys the shit out of me. Gail Kim being put with these douchebags to face ODB, Eric Young and maskless Abyss? Why? Gail Kim could be carrying the Knockout division instead she's dealing with this gimmicky gay.
So, Abyss took his mask off just to become a monster only when he bleeds? Why? Why not keep the mask? Gail Kim! Oh she tagged out. Now I'm sad. 15 minutes before we get wrestling. That's alright I suppose compared to three hour Raw.
I hate pimping Twitter everywhere but yeah that's just a part of the times.
Whoever that is on the apron that's not in the ring... The not Robbie E Jesey douchebag is fucking terrible. That's one thing WWE does have over TNA, they need somewhere to send people to get them TV ready. Fist bump =/= tag apparently. Aaaand Tazz botch on commentary number one! Lasted longer than I thought he would.
Oh I'm so glad you keep stopping commentating on the match that's happening right now to tell me about Hulk Hogan. That is awesome. Focus on the match in the ring, sell me on shit afterwards or in matches where it's relevant.
I like this referee because he kept the psychology in the match then. Other douchebag distracted ref and he missed the tag between EY and fake Abyss but then heels made tag and referee didn't see it. Referee checked it even if the wrestlers didn't care about the psychology... Umm... What? ODB pulled one of the douchebags into her boobs and then the other douchebag quite clearly moved into position for fake Abyss and EY to jump on him.
AUSTIN ARIES~! Austin is great. HE BETTER NOT BE FACE! WASTE OF ARIES IF THEY HAVE HIM AS A FACE!
Did Hulk just say he didn't watch Impact last week and had to read the transcripts of AJ and Dixie because he missed it? :\ Way to make your time seem more important than the show you're on.
A DOUBLE IS BACK~! I'm happy again. But he's face. I'm sad again. Austin Aries is absolutely awesome on the microphone. I said I was watching those old wrestling shows, he'd fit in perfectly back on those shows as the dick heel. KENNY KING~! ANOTHER GUY I LIKE! Why is Kenny King talking like a douchebag?
Kenny King is another guy who's really talented and should be on this show more. I think they might be pushing him by putting him with Aries here! That's two guys that should be put together all the time.
Haha Gen Next reference! Yay for Kenny King! Also, next generation of pro wrestling? Dude, you were on the original Tough Enough. Fuck I love Austin Aries. Give him a microphone and let him talk for an hour straight and it'll be the best show ever... I don't get the Hilary Clinton reference...
Okay, I take it back, Aries is a magnificent face. Yaaaay! This match is one I'm looking forward to! OH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! Aries jumping on King is an exiciting and awesome way to start the match. Oh wow. Blood already? Why? Blood for the sake of blood is stupid. This isn't a blood feud, if you're going to have someone get colour at least make it mean something. Austin busting King open doesn't mean anything and ruins the hype I had for the match really. If King had busted Aries open after his cheap shot and then tried to run off that would've been great. King getting colour though is just stupid.
This is reminding of a ROH match more than anything, which makes sense since it's two guys who made their name in ROH and know each other from there. It's obvious they know each other pretty well too because they're going through the motions of each other's spots pretty well.
I still don't like heels jumping around and doing high spots and shit.
Austin Aries brainbuster
Loooove it. Fairly good match apart from the blood for the sake of blood. Did well to put over Aries but I think it would've been better if King had gone over by cheating and had busted Aries open, could've led into a solid feud for the two since neither of them are in title pictures at the moment and made Kenny King move up the card a bit.
Lei'd Tapa may be the stupidest name for a scary monster ever.
Sabin sucks at talking. Is Sabin supposed to be a heel? Aries on TV again isn't something I want to complain about but he's been on TV for 14 minutes straight now. I don't like Sabin and not in a don't like him because he's a heel way, more because that promo was just stupid.
Oh, that small dude is Garrett Bischoff. Lol.
I like this thingy with Sting, Magnus and Joe. Magnus getting coached along by two veterans in TNA will help him out big time and it's pretty obvious he's going to snap soon and Joe and Sting'll turn him out.
Oh great, Hulk is coming out after this. :\
AJ Styles doing this storyline makes me sad because it means he's not leaving TNA. Because he should. This is so crap. Dixie trying to be Vince McMahon and saying she created AJ STYLES the same way Vince used to say he created Hulkamania is fucking stupid.
Oh great, here's Hulk. GETTING A MASSIVE POP EVEN THOUGH THE CAMERA SHOWS ABOUT HALF THE CROWD SITTING ON THEIR HANDS!! That's just how good Hogan is, he gets a pop even with people's mouths sewn shut and not caring about him.
How many people do they get at these TNA tapings? It seems like a smaller crowd than ROH pulls for their tapings... That's not me being mean or anything, that's seriously how it looks. I don't know if it's because TNA has the entire crowd lit up or if it's because ROH blacks out the crowd, but seriously, how small is that crowd?
"I'VE BEEN IN TNA FOR ABOUT FOUR YEARS NOW!" No, you've been in it for three and a half years. FUCK YOU HOGAN YOU NEED TO BE CORRECT ABOUT THESE THINGS! Yeah, fuck people who air their dirty laundry in public or those people who go to WCW and talk shit about Vince McMahon and the WWF from the word go... Oh... Awkward.
WHY DOES THE CAMERA CUT TO THE SAME FIVE PEOPLE IN THE CROWD EVERYTIME AND WHY ARE THEY THE UGLIEST POSSIBLE PEOPLE IN THE CROWD? FOR FUCKS SAKE SHOW ME SOMEONE ELSE OTHER THAN THE FAT DUDE WITH THE BEARD HOLDING THE REPLICA TITLE BELT AND THE OLD GRANDMA IN THE NWO SHIRT!!
My dog's snoring and that's how I feel after Hulk finished talking. There was no point to that. He said nothing and did nothing and didn't progress the story at all. TAZ BOTCH NUMBER TWO! Two in 45 minutes is pretty good for Taz.
KURT!!!!!! Wonder if they'll say he's getting out of rehab?
Seriously, my dog's snoring so fucking loud. I have to turn up my computer and he's a little shitzu. Fat little shit.
ETHAN IS COMING! Cool. Letters on the screen are not the way to hype a debut.
Oh great, AJ and Hogan talking in the ring. That will be absolutely riveting.
X DIVISION TIME! Okay, Sabin is a heel. Thank you for finally clearing that up Mike Tenay. Yeah! Sabin totally started the X Division when he didn't wrestle in TNA until 2004/05.
MANIK! TJ PERKINS! TJ! PERKINS! OMFG! TJP! PUMA! PINOY BOY! Tazz both number three. Well, you're trying Taz.
PULLING THE MASK IS A DQ! Oh, wait this isn't CHIKARA.
Sabin feigning a knee injury! Solid heel spot that you don't see very often. Manik checks on Velvet Sky when she gets thrown into him. WONDER WHERE THIS FEUD WILL GO?! By the way, if you don't get it Velvet Sky will turn all lovey dovey with Manik and Sabin will get pissed and then Velvet will turn on Manik and reveal it was a plan all along! THAT DEVIOUS BASTARD CHRIS SABIN!
FUCK YEAH ELBOWS~! Where's Alex Shelley? I want Alex Shelley. He's better than Sabin. Missile Dropkick and what a pretty one from TJP. Fail Phoenix Splash thingy.
That double jump dropkick was awesome. That's an awesome submission. First time I saw it was TJP vs. Samuray del Sol in PWG. Sabin pulling Velvet in and using her as a shield and Manik being a good boy and not wanting to hit her.
By the way, Sabin's shoulders weren't down then. Manik's leg was underneath them... Tazz just said the same thing. I just agreed with Tazz. Kill me now. AUSTIN FUCKING ARIES! So, an addendum on what I thought of the storyline originally. A Double will be all in Manik's ear and be all: HEY YO (Yes, Austin Aries is Razor Ramon now) SHE'S A JEZEBEL (He's also Jim Ross) and Manik will be all: NOWAYGETOUTBRO and then she'll turn and Manik will be all: SOZBRO and Aries will be all: NUPFUCKYA!
That's how I'd book it anyway.
Wes Brisco sucks balls at talking. Don't let him do that. Let Mike Knox talk more, he's surprisingly good.
OH ANOTHER VIDEO FOR KURT ANGLE! I WONDER WHEN HE'LL BE BACK?! I SURE COULDN'T KNOW BY THE TWO VIDEOS NOW THAT HAVE BEEN ON.
Christopher Daniels and Kazarian
Is that Bobby Roode with them? HAHAHAHA Daniels calling Joe a diaper explosion and Roode having to try and stop himself from laughing. Kazarian is amazing doing the Doctor Evil thing! Oh my fucking God I love this. IS CHRISTOPHER DANIELS DRINKING AN APPLETINI? Oh, God, TNA is converting me if they just get rid of Hulk Hogan, AJ Styles and Dixie Carter.
I still love me some Sting
Still love me some Samoa Joe
Still don't care about Magnus. MIKE KNOX IS A BEAUTIFUL MAN THOUGH!
Oh wow. Pretty sloppy start to the match, these two are a bit awkward together. Knox and Magnus that is. So, Magnus just destroyed all three of them. Kazarian and Daniels! Well... That's a main event I suppose. Haha Knox couldn't lift Sting into the ring. Garrett Bischoff looks alright in tag action, he doesn't look like he has a lot of offense though so he might be better to stick to tags. YOU'RE NOT BRINGING CAMERAS TO MY CITY DON'T YOU FUCKING LIE MIKE TENAY!
Where's Jeff Hardy? I just realised I haven't seen him. Is he not a thing anymore? Not that I'm complaining.
STILL ON THIS MATCH! Sting is getting beat the fuck out of. HOT TAG TO JOE COMING?! Nope. Brisco cuts him off. Brisco needs to call stuff in the ring more stealthily. He just put his lips to Sting's ear for like ten seconds to call a hold ropes, miss dropkick clothesline. Literally, that's all he needed to say. JOE HOT TAG! Joe still kills everyone
Fuck I love that Powerslam by Joe. STINGER SPLASH! Brisco tapped! Well... That seems like a shit finish. Magnus is out injured somewhere on the side from Daniels and Kazarian attacking him and then Sting and Joe win. Well, really Joe wins. Hopefully this means Wes Brisco is gone from TNA though. Let him get some more work on the indys to get TV ready. He's alright but not ready really.
Bully Ray coming out! Mike Knox has gotta make the save here, right? Haha "No" chant. That's pretty funny. Knox and Bischoff stand there with their dicks in their hands? Eh. Still being bossed around by Bully? Seriously, this is getting silly. Knox has gotta hit him here! Knox and Bischoff could make a good tag team. Frees Bully up to lose to AJ as well. Nope, Knox is still a punk ass cunt.
GREAT NOW STYLES AND HOGAN ARE COMING. Luckily, there's only ten minutes of the show left, so they can't talk for too long. Hulk still fluffing his lines every two seconds. YOU'RE OLD GO AWAY. AJ Styles supposed to look like a mega badass with a hoodie and leather jacket? AND ONE LEATHER GLOVE! AND A HAT! FUCK DON'T STEP TO AJ STYLES! Oh that's not a glove? His sleeve's just really fucking long. Hulk's fucking pumped up kicks are distracting as shit.
STOP TALKING HOGAN AND LET AJ SPEAK FOR FUCKS SAKE. YOU'RE SAYING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN. Oh wow, really? AJ signs the contract and that's it? Fuuuuck me. What a waste. Oh yay, Dixie Carter, another accent that makes my ears bleed. Dixie about to rip into Hogan. No she didn't.
Boring.
Dixie is the worst heel ever. Haha AJ throwing the microphone at her as he walks away. I like you. Dixie is staring down the lens of the hard camera. No. Don't do that. Play to the hard camera but talk to the crowd, don't just fucking stare at the camera.
So much less happy with choosing to watch this now.
Cooool, more Hulk and Dixie talking next week. Soooo pumped for that rather than you trying to sell me on oh I don't know, Magnus' injury WHICH HAS NOT BEEN MENTIONED SINCE IT HAPPENED or I don't know, Aces and Eights having three members now?
Overall, I might watch again. It's a modern wrestling show so I forgive a lot of the stuff that I don't think has a place in wrestling like "shoots" or stupid stuff like douchebag Jersey Shore gimmicks or whatever. The matches were mostly solid, and there wasn't an overabundance of talking like that one time I watched TNA a few years back and there was 14 minutes of wrestling on a two hour program. They at least gave some time to stuff like Aries vs. King and Manik vs. Sabin. I also might watch again just to see Aries and Daniels and Kazarian because that was some of the best stuff I've seen in wrestling for a long time.
For me personally, this was more enjoyable than Raw. Raw drags on forever and is filled with mediocre matches. This is short enough that it's got solid matches. They need to put more into the Knockout's though.
Subject: Mike Watches TNA! 
