CB (John Hudson)
Total Words: 1,522

Right off the bat, there are some grammatical errors. The video package also seems kind of useless. Not sure if it’s in John Hudson’s gimmick or not. (I’m just saying my thoughts, it’s not like this will determine if you win or not.) Your sentences seem very… short. Blank does this. Blank does that. You can use the semicolon to merge some of these sentences. Your first paragraph was also kind of boring, sorry to say. The meeting was fine. The chin hit was fine. Even Hudson deciding to showoff and try to get the crowd cheering was fine. But it ended with… JHalc sprinting and punching him. So in the first paragraph, the only action that really happened was two punches. It could have been a lot better.

More grammatical errors in the second paragraph. There’s not a lot of description going on here. I’m not sure if this post was rushed, yet it seems it. It’s mostly “JHalc does this” and “Hudson does this”. I like the use of you saying “former NXD Champion” because it was different than really “He”, “JHalc”, and “Hudson”. So use more of those nicknames and achievement titles more often. With all the punching and slapping, it doesn’t feel like a wrestling match but more of a catfight.

A huge pet peeve of mine is when people change tenses. Try to stay in one tense. In your third paragraph, you went from present to past to present.

The final main action paragraph (before John Hudson won) seemed rushed. It’s hard to read the post when it’s simply he did this and he did that material. It seems as if John Hudson won by using two moves.

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Joker (JHalc)
Total Words: 3,739

Nice usage of indicating who the taller/heavier wrestler is. Also, nice usage of including the referee in the little slap part. Nice first paragraph with a nice flow. I enjoy your description. The somewhat sassy commentary by Dennis is a nice touch. The action break is also good on the eyes.

I enjoyed the commercial break. I’ve never seen that done before. That was humorous.

You’re incorporating your storyline into the post, so that’s always good. Albeit, can be seen as a tad cheap because your opponent might not be able to think outside the box. However, that’s perfectly fine.

I think the biggest issue I have about your post, which is a really minor issue, is I can’t determine if Dennis is for or against JHalc. Some commentary suggests for and others suggest against.

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Overall

Joker (JHalc) gets my vote. His post was more balanced, had better action, better description, and… well, better everything. Not to discourage CB, because there was potential. There were a lot of silly little things that accumulated into a lot of things which really turned it away.

Alright guys, I hope you don’t mind that I’m grading your match. I promise you both to be 100% down the middle, like I always have been, and I will do my best to give you guys the best feedback possible. I haven’t done this in almost years, so please bear with me a bit.

Jerod Barnez: Liked the whole ‘shake hands’ thing, good sign of respect out of both sides. I loved the spinebuster counter to the leap-dodge. Liked the “used the kick out to drain energy”, showing that he learned from his father. Great Fallaway Slam counter, I didn’t see it coming while reading. Side note, I loved that you called the Very European Uppercut a “Falcon Punch”. I thought it was a bit too early to go for a shining wizard that early on. Good spot in the German suplex off the apron to the steps. I like that he is happy to receive any reactions, perfect rookie position. I do think it’s a tad bit unbelievable for a man of his size to do a “picture perfect” two-step moonsault, but that’s a character thing and not really a match thing. I feel as if he were to do it realistically, it would look a bit sloppy. Neat move in the Avalanche German Suplex, that’s two big spots when it comes to that, not bad, very Brock Lesnar/Kurt Angle-ish. Thought it was a bit weird for a face to rip off the turnbuckle cover, since that generally tends to be a heel maneuver. Very good ending. I love it when people mix it up over using the same thing over and over. Kanimaniac getting DQ’ed for a loss is great cause it makes it so Kanimaniac will lose to a rookie but manages to look strong anyway. Honestly, the thing that I’d suggest you work on is description. It’s by no means bad, but you needa step it up a bit. The match, while good, feels very rushed because the description is somewhat lacking. Instead of things like “He leaps off, does a full spin, catches Jerod outside the ring, then flips him all the way over with a nice Dragonrana!” it seemed rushed like “he goes up, leaps off and hits a Dragonrana!” Your entertainment is good, however your description leaves a good amount to be improved. Everything else was good, good job overall.

Kanimaniac: I loved how the first two paragraphs were pretty much just digging into the psychology of each man. Kanimaniac as the experienced professional figuring out ways to take Barnez down, Barnez is a bit more of a rookie but has knowledge of being a large man and realizes he needs to take Kanimaniac seriously despite being larger. Great start, having the quick kicks to try and deal with the larger man, once again, I love the fact that you dwell into the minds of the competitors. Once again, loving the quick strikes, and you’re allowing Barnez a bit of a rocky start, like most large vs small matches tend to start off psychologically. Great spot in the moonsault off the steel steps. You and Snoopz actually had the same idea in the Fallaway Slam-counter to the flying crossbody, great minds think alike. Great move in having Barnez lift Kanimaniac off his knees into the air onto the ground with the hip toss. Love the description during the part when Barnez pretty much tortures Kanimaniac. I will say that according to Snoopz’ match, Barnez seems to be quite agile, and he’s somewhat appearing a bit “brick-wall-y” in the match so far, but I could be wrong. I love your transitions – aka the whole finisher counter into finisher counter into turnbuckle toss into etc. etc. – very well done. Once again, excellent description, I loved the description behind the arm scissors. Good counter to the two-step moonsault. Great spot with the Shooting Star Press off the top. Good heart shown by Kanimaniac in returning after taking a ding to the knee like that. “Wrenching it like it owes him money” haha. Good description on submissions, loved the half boston crab. I didn’t like that Barnez recovered so quickly from a finisher, however since he hasn’t taken as much damage as Kanimaniac and he’s durable as a large man I can somewhat see it. Wow, awesome ending! I seriously thought Jerod had ending won by his mist disqualification, but that was a great way to end it with a double submission. Much better than a generic pinfall ending, good job. Overall, there wasn’t much I could ding you for. I wish you had added commentary/coding, but I realize that it can be a pain. There were a few things here and there like the instant recovery off a finisher, but overall not much can be said negatively here.

Verdict: Wow, I was right in not predicting a winner for this match, as this was seriously very close. Despite having faults, Justin’s match felt like it was going to take it for me once I finished reading it due to the fact that it told a great story and the spots were great. However I then read Kanimaniac’s match and he too had a great story, psychology, and spots. Hell, even then, I thought Justin’s ending was going to help him take it, I didn’t expect Kanimaniac would have an even better ending. Nonetheless, neither of you should feel bad, you both wrote great matches and you both deserve to take this. However, it doesn’t work that way, and for my verdict, I’m going to have to say that Kanimaniac’s match takes it for me. I just loved the spots and the story was a bit better. I also have to give him the description part, great all around, Snoopz, you did fine there but it could have been a bit better. Like I said, neither of you feel bad, you both did great and it was very close. In the end, it had to come down to who had the edge.center]Jerod Barnez vs. Kanimaniac
Grader: Razor[/center]

A

I am not looking to stroke any egos here. We are going to go short and to the point, and if you guys want a little more feedback then PM me and I will do my best. Basically, like always, I don't want to waste your time. However, if you think my grade is lacking anything, just let me know and I can clarify. Here we go.....

Razor:

Mack:

Verdict:

Gradings are finished.