The general feeling in the arena is a grim one as the crowds turn on Dwight Lights, and by extension his monster, booing them mercilessly.  Chris Pyro seemingly passes unscathed, despite still being hated by the fans anyway, re-entering the ring with his eyes locked on the departing Dwight, shifting back to his newfound opponent Behemath, then back at Dwight, Pyro taking a deep breath knowing the arduous task ahead of him. Chris Pyro is speechless as he stares back at Dwight Lights, ringside and having an absolute ball, grabbing Ted Cedar by the shoulders and gasping “ISN’T HE BEAUTIFUL?!” in amazement, as both Cedar and Joey Miles can only look up at The Big Figured Bastard and take a nervous gulp.  Pyro cracks his neck, with a slight squint of discomfort doing so, swiping his hand down his chin and dragging his bottom lip as he contemplates last minute strategy before the bell.

Ted Cedar
”Ladies and gentlemen, this place is about to explode.  Dwight Lights and this huge individual have just put Christina Clair in hospital and the crowds are ready to kill these two men”

Joey Miles
”Do you see how big this big fuck is?!!”


Ding Ding Ding!!!

Dwight Lights
”Can you count, suckaaaa!!!”

The bell tolls in the distance, setting this match into motion as Chris Pyro takes on the surprise opponent in Behemath, or Big Figured Bastard to his mates.  Standing seven feet tall, weighing three hundred and thirty pounds and jacked like a monster, Behemath dwarfs Chris Pyro easily as they meet in the centre of the ring but the difference in mass fails to deter the bold Pyro, who shows no signs of intimidation for his much larger foe and rushes into him, both men tangling up in a collar and elbow tie only the numbers obsessed Behemath takes him and shoves him on his back, Pyro rolling backwards scuttling backwards in bewilderment, taking a surprised breath before sucking it up, getting back on his feet charging at Behemath, ready and waiting for him with a twisted grin, unveiling his plans by suddenly shooting forward with a lariat and Pyro flips dramatically, almost shooting star pressing himself before crashing upon the mat with a violent thud.

Ted Cedar
”OHH!!!”

Dwight Lights
”Well done, well done.”

Ted Cedar
”Where did you find this guy?!”

Dwight Lights
”Does it matter?  You know I see myself in this man, Ted.  We both have the same ideas, the same beliefs, numbers and power… strength in numbers hahaha… trademarked by the way.”

Joey Miles
”Wait, he’s a Count that counts?  What is this Sesame Street, get a calculator already!!”

Dwight Lights
”Keep talking, say something witty.”

Behemath rolls his shoulders as he slows to a stop with a peachy smirk, looking to Dwight Lights sitting ringside, already nodding in approval and looking back starry-eyed at his monstrous new ally.  Meanwhile Chris Pyro has come to and takes advantage of the distraction, rolling to the ring ropes, however Behemath lugs over to him and reefs his hair in fistfuls, flinging Pyro from the ring apron right over the top rope and back into the ring with a Biel Throw, scrambling to his feet in desperation Chris Pyro quickly shuffles and dashes at the vast Behemath, who swings with a big clothesline, Pyro ducking and wildly throwing body shots into the big man’s gut, pushing the digit-crazed brute into the corner behind him only The Big Figured Bastard forces his way through the punches into a tightly applied Uranage, lifting him and twisting before violently slamming him into the turnbuckles!

Ted Cedar
”Geez that looked brutal, oh my god!”

Dwight Lights
”He’s a brutal guy, you should see him when he does his taxes.”


Pyro groans in anguish, leant back into the corner uncomfortably as Behemath lines him up for a body avalanche, only Pyro just moves at the very last second, Behemath stopping himself short and Pyro jumps with the assistance of the ring ropes to tag The Anomaly with a quick kick to the face,  forcing himself to press on and attack Math’ with quick kicks to the tree-trunk thighs of the vast Behemath, who swings with a big clothesline, Pyro ducks and starts throwing body shots into the big man’s gut, pushing the big man into the corner behind him.  Behemath swinging only Pyro ducks for dear life and immediately starts throwing body shots into the big man’s gut, continuing the back and forth game of Tag You’re It: Cornered Edition,  The Big Figured Bastard grabs Pyro and slams him against the corner, Pyro wriggling in a panic only finding himself in a waistlock, blindly reaching back behind his head to grasp Behemath in a tight facelock, Behemath shoves Pyro forward into the ropes only Pyro, athletically lifts his feet to step on the second rope, springboarding from it into a devastating Shiranui, Sliced Bread #2 or as he calls it Bat’s Roost!

Dwight Lights rips his headset off and stares back at the action in the ring, his mouth gaping.

Joey Miles
”Dogshit Cupcakes, what the fuck was that!”

"The Big Figured Bastard" pushes onto all fours in a stunned state of disbelief, reeling from the Skywalker hit out of nowhere as Pyro claws to his feet and begins to hiss through gritted teeth, turning to the impressed audience and scowling, reaching down only to be slapped across the ear hard, complete with an audible crack confirming contact, hard enough for Pyro to stumble down on his backside, .  The Big Figured Bastard doesn’t waste any time, breaking into a dash right past Pyro and into the ring ropes, bouncing back from them with his arm cocked into a slide on his knee, only Pyro slithers under the ring ropes to the sanctuary of ringside, tapping his temple only smug quickly becomes surprise as Behemath slides anyway, athletically below the rope to land on both feet and start charging around the ring, Pyro quick to slide right back in the ring.

Ted Cedar
”Pyro forced to run like he’s in the damn Olympics, how freakishly agile is this mystery err… Behemath?!  He’s so quick!”

Joey Miles
”For a guy who looks like freakin Groot, absolutely!”

Things go to plan as The Demon With A Smile Pyro has already led Behemath sliding back into the ring behind him, cutting him off and stomping on him repeatedly, stopping the big man’s pace before dropping down on his neck with a cheap knee, casually propping one leg over Behemath and looking to wrangle him up for a Dragon Sleeper, Behemath refuses with a defiant roar, heaving upright with Pyro on his back in a tremendous display of power, standing completely upright and reaching back for Pyro’s head, grabbing it and flinging Pyro right over his shoulder and to the floor with a seven feet Snap Mare drop! Pyro groggily crawls to his knees, doing his best trying to shake off the daze only the Big Figured Bastard pummels Pyro on the top of the head, a single move that stuns Pyro senseless.

Ted Cedar
You know, I don’t think you can ever joke about a snap mare again, that looked vicious!  Back on track, Pyro really looks hurt bad after that blow right on the head, we heard that everywhere!

Joey Miles
C’mon Ted, the guy’s head is basically taped together after Dwight Lights stomped the shit out of him last week, Gigantor here is just reaping the benefits… shit, Dwight probably told him to go for the head!

Dwight Lights
I believe the instructions were… crack his head open like a coconut!

The Big Figured Bastard goes to work on Pyro in the corner, pounding lefts and rights into his midsection, looking for the soft spot in The Dark Jester’s defenses, finding one with a brutal back elbow.  Stunned senseless, Pyro plods from the corner and across the ring ropes, Behemath grabbing him and slinging him across the ring with an irish whip, lifting his leg high in the air for a big boot only Pyro ducks, grappling Behemath up for a big Dragon Suplex and the big guy crunches on his neck, headstanding into a crash against the ring ropes dramatically.  Pyro, missing the opportunity to bridge the tremendous move, looks to make amends with a big impact, clambering up the ring ropes and balancing on the turnbuckle, facing the crowd.

Ted Cedar
”What’s this?  Pyro is looking to fly high!”

Joey Miles
”You don’t think he’s going to actually -”

Pyro stabilizes, looking to drop right on top of Behemath with a Cry Of The Pheonix, only Dwight Lights jumps upon the ring apron and starts trash-talking, Pyro grabbing Dwight’s hair in fistfuls and screaming back at him.  Dwight’s eyes light up as Pyro twists his hair tightly, taking his attention off Behemath who’d already came to and was creeping behind Pyro to punch him behind the knee, Pyro releases Dwight in a state of shock and Behemath, the big guy, claws up to dangerous territory right along with Chris, throwing himself upward to catch Pyro’s head from behind with his own legs and thrust Chris Pyro through the air with a ridiculous Reverse Frankensteiner!  


Ted Cedar
”HOLLLE-YYYY SHHH—SMOKES!! A FRANKENSTEINER RIGHT OFF THE TOP ROPE!  THAT’S A THREE HUNDRED POUND MAN”

Dwight extends his hand to his huge client, indicating the thumbs up for some points then turning it down with a snarl and Behemath stretches back and cries out to the audience like a banshee,  casually prying Pyro up only the desperate Pyro blatantly clubs Behemath with a low-blow!  Pyro, his lethargic state suddenly revitalized with a fierce slap, opening the door for a flurry of quick slaps directly after!  A backfist and a roundhouse later and Pyro has successfully dazed his huge foe, and blasting him with a vicious Busaiku Knee Kick, near collapsing back against the ropes as his momentum pauses, staring back at Behemath hunched over and grinning wickedly, rushing at Behemath for the Final Durge YET Behemath shoots upright and blasts Chris in the face with a big boot! Pyro staggers half-concussed into a flop with the ring ropes, spin-kicking Behemath out of sheer instinct, dropping the big man on all fours, Chris lethargically throwing himself into the ring ropes to run back at  Behemath for another crack at the Final Durge stomp only The Anomaly shoots upright, catching Pyro’s leg with his neck awkwardly, lifting him high as he stands completely upright only to cruelly Powerbomb him to the mat and the ring violently shakes with the impact!

Joey Miles
”FUCK?!!”

Ted Cedar
”In more appropriate language, oh my dear god!  What a powerbom- wait he’s not done?!!”

Ted Cedar is just as surprised as the next man, as Pyro can only gasp a breath of discomfort on the mat before he is lifted high into the air again, deadlifted right off the mat in an impressive feat of power, only to be dramatically leveled on the mat with a second Powerbomb straight and Behemath simply roars “RRRRAAAAAUUUUUUWWWRRRAAAGGGHH!!!” howling out to the heavens before draping Chris across his knee, back first, pinning Pyro’s boot to the mat with his own knee then pressing down hard on Pyro’s jaw, applying tremendous force down on the mandible and Pyro taps like his hand is on fire!

Ding Ding Ding!!!

Ted Cedar
”What on Earth is that… he could have broken him in half!”

Dwight Lights
”I believe that little gem is called Mathematically Challenged.  It’s amazing isn’t it!”

Joey Miles
”He played him like a damn accordion, that was fucking great!”

Behemath drops Pyro to the mat and watches Dwight, who enters the ring and raises the arm of The Big Figured Bastard in celebration, showcasing this twisted new combination in wrestling and the show goes on.