I'm a very rational person, and as such very few things annoy me. But here are a few of the rare things that do:
1) Cover songs that take an awesome song, and have a shit weak-voiced female singer perform it. For example, compare The Calling's version of "Wherever You Will Go" to Charlene Soraia's.
2) People with shit pavement etiquette. This includes women (because it always is) who walk in a fucking horizontal line, so their fat arses fill up the entire pavement. It also includes idiots who see their friend walking towards them, and then stop without warning and have a conversation right there, and then have the fucking nerve to glare at me when I place a hand on their shoulder to move round them, having made every fucking effort not to crash into them.
3) Adverts that have this matey "look how nice we are" tone. If it's something like emergency support, or charity, or something that's actually doing good, then I'll accept it. What I don't accept it is when big companies are like "we're here for you." You're only supposed to be selling me a fucking bed, I don't need you to get in it with me!
4) Most football commentators. Either they're incredibly thick, and sprout bollocks like "well, you look at the Wayne Rooneys and Frank Lampards of this world" - they've cloned them now? Or they're overly pretentious twats like Clive Tyldesley and Peter Drury. Drury is the absolute worst. He could be watching Stevanage vs. Forest Green, and he'd be all "HARK! AS THE SUN LOOMS DOWN FROM ELECTRIC BLUE SKIES, THIS BRAVE WARRIORS PREPARE TO DO BATTLE" Football has its own stories intrinsically woven into it, but the twat tries to force even more in. Gary Neville is wonderful though.
5) When rap songs have all that rubbish before the actual song. You know, when they're all like "chyeah, it's ya boy C-Bizzle here, and dis is Bitches and Hoes" - yeah, if I wanted to know that I'd have shazammed it. Similarly, Lady Gaga constantly saying her own name. She's not a fucking Pokemon
6) Old people sayings. As a car whizzes by "he won't get there any quicker" - pretty sure that's actually exactly how moving faster works. "It's always in the last place you look" - yes, because I tend to stop looking after I've found it.
7) Trying to help old people with computers. I try to be nice, I really do, but it always ends up with me going "click x. No, x. It's there. It's the one with the icon of an x. Where I'm pointing. Oh just let me do it."
8) Related to 7, people who suck at typing. I don't mind so much when it's people who aren't used to computers, but when I go into an office for an interview or whatever, and the person there is using that stupid one-finger-on-each-hand method of typing, it pisses me off. You're supposed to work with computers, learn how to use them.
9) "I could care less" and the American dating system. OK, take the u out of colour, and spell aluminium in whatever freakish way it is that you do. These two things make no sense, and you should all be ashamed of yourselves.
10) People who see me as some sort of "party pooper" because I don't drink. I'm not stopping them from drinking, or judging the fact that they drink, so why do they persist in making me want to ram those bottles where the sun doesn't shine?
11) People who talk during a film at the cinema/people who bring their kids to the cinema and don't shut them up.
12) When songs get cut short for TV or radio. I'm sat there all "aww yeah, here comes the solo...wait, where'd the song go?"
13) Loud people. When I worked at Shropshire Council, there was a couple who I could hear clearly when they were in completely different rooms. One of them was worse because she had a Birmingham accent, which are just awful.
14) The fact that there's people who are undeservedly famous, and the E! Network and similar things give them to platform to get their message of vapid whorishness out to women, who then seem to look up to these useless spunkbuckets. The fact that people seem to put so much emphasis on what clothes these female celebrities are wearing to whatever award show is going on, especially when the female celebrities are actually worthwhile actresses, in which case focus on the damn acting they've done, and stop giving a shit about whether Jen is wearing the same skirt as Anna, and whether that means they're not going to be friends any more. Basically, women annoy me. Life would be so much easier if I was gay.
15) The fact that racism, homophobia, and other prejudice is still rife.
I've run out.
I'd consider doing stand-up. It's unlikely though.
Subject: Re: Ask Minkaro 
okay 
