Joey Miles: “Here we go again, Diamond should just walk through this match with ease.”
Ted Cedar: “Well, let’s see if you actually make it through this match tonight Joey, after last week’s little walk off.”
Joey Miles: “Hey fuck you Ted. You’re the sicko that sat here and watched a chick with a dick play fucking tonsil tennis with a deranged fucking clown. I haven’t seen shit half as weird in Thailand.”

The bell chimes signalling the beginning of the match. The six footer stares down the seven footer in what looks like the final standoff between David and Goliath. The warriors circle one another, neither breaking eye contact, the Clown based competitor’s forked tongue flicks out as if a serpent searching for its next meal. Spyro advances toward his opponent with some haste but is met with a stiff roundhouse kick that can only reach his chest. This stops the towering terror, but achieves little if nothing else. The heterochromia iridis inflicted wrestler’s face crumples into an expression of irritation as he dares his foe to strike him again. Diamond obliges this dare and ricochets himself off of the ropes before smashing his outstretched arm into the big man, but seems to just bounce off. Once again the two wrestlers lock eyes, though this time the tension in the ring is broken as Terr buckles himself over as he begins to howl with a psychotic laughter. The laughter persists a little longer than it should, obviously irritating the in-ring veteran that is Double D. He shows Spyro this irritation in the form of a soccer ball kick, his shin smashing into the face of The Butcher of Bedlam, returning him to an upright position, the force even managing to send him staggering back a little bit. Patient #8994 brings his right foot heavily down to steady himself, then delivers a mighty slap to Danny that will surely leave a handprint covering most of the right side of his face. This manages to turn the Cheshire competitor away holding his face with his hand. Spyro grapples the six footer and launches him into the ropes, lifting his foot for the rebound, however the cat-like Diamond ducks underneath this big boot attempt and continues to recoil off of the opposing set of the ring ropes from which he leaps into the air, turning and stretching his body to collide sideways with Captain Aberrant’s. The sheer size and stature of the face painted devil proves this method of attack to be flawed as The Prized Gem stays suspended above the mat, his adversary’s arms holding him in place. The big guy takes two marching steps forward and squats down, leaning slightly forward, almost placing Danny’s back on the mat. He pushes up with all the power in his thighs, throwing himself backwards in the same movement and launching the two hundred and thirteen pounder up and over his head, the smaller Englishman flipping over in the air to land on his back and skid out of the ring from the force. The wherewithal of Diamond however allows the ring general to land on his feet, rather than having his body slap off of the cold concrete of the ringside. His beloved Skye comes running from the adjacent side of the ring to check on her man.

Ted Cedar: “Danny Diamond doesn’t seem able to get any effective offence in against Spyro here at all. It could be that the size and power of the Mastodon could be too much for the former Heavyweight Champion.”
Joey Miles: “A bit premature there Ted. There’s one thing we’ve learnt over the years of watching Danny and that’s nobody counts Danny out. It only takes one move to end a match, and I don’t see a nobody like this clown taking it to Diamond for long.”

The Rubix Cube takes a moment to gather himself on the outside, obviously unable to go toe-to-toe in a game of strength with his opponent. Spyro is abundantly dominant in that area. That said, his size leads to far more openings that may be hard for him to close, namely speed. Danny is heads and shoulders over Spyro when it comes to speed and technical wrestling ability, if the master of Sudden Death wants to have any hope of winning this match, he needs to pander to his advantages and not allow the Crazed Clown a chance to get any real offence in. Speaking of Mannibalectur, the giant is still lying down on the mat after throwing The Shine half-way across the ring. The carcass stirs as he sits up from his laid-out position and stares off into the distance of the crowd. He stares directly at a young, buxom brunette woman who immediately gets the cameraman’s attention, much to the delight of the male-majority of the crowd. She is visibly beginning to feel awkward as the colossal creep in clown make up continues to stir in her direction. Suddenly he breaks out in laughter, much like he did earlier in the match. Supposing Danny takes this moment of hesitation in part of the Fork-tongued Freakshow and mantles up the apron. He measures the distance, calculating the necessary force and trajection to make the jump. The Ripper begins to bring himself to a vertical position and the veteran bounds up onto the top-rope, springboarding himself over to his opponent who only just now turns around and planting both of his outstretched feet into the psyche-patient’s chest. Like a giant Redwood being cut down Spyro falls as a member of the audience shouts “timber”. The big guy falls straight into the ring ropes, getting his arms tied up as he does so, leaving him entirely exposed at this moment in time. Of course this brings a smile to Mr. Diamond, his glorious white-pearls shining through the TV sets of millions, women worldwide swooning for the handsome fellow. He places his left foot forward and swings his right foot up into the side of the trapped monster’s head, he repeats this attack a further four times before steam training into the opposing ring ropes and vaulting into his adversary, both of his knees smashing into the Crazed Clown’s face.

Joey Miles: “There! Danny gets a Reconstruction off on a tied up Spyro. I fucking told you Ted: one move. One move and it can all be over.”
Ted Cedar: “It looked and probably felt like a damned car crash right there, never mind the match might be over, look at Spyro! He’s completely out of it.”

And that may have been true, the three twenty pound superstar’s body was completely limp, though still trussed in the cables of the ring. Diamond flings his arms out to his side and panders to the screaming masses as the mother of his child begins to unhook the wounded giant from the ropes so he can be put away. She undoes the right arm and it slumps weakly to the side, as the rest of his body swings slightly over to his left. As Ms. Sapphire begins to work on freeing the other trapped arm, Terr’s head whips up and Skye is blasted in the face with a red Asian mist, causing her to fall off of the apron and land hard on the concrete. The Prized Gem obviously hears this spitting sound and turns around to see the pretty features of his valet covered in the red, burning spray, causing a terrible rage to build up inside the head of mister cool. His carefully calculated game plan goes out of the window as he charges at his opponent, one arm still tied up in the ropes, and goes hard as a motherfucker on him. Clubbing blows to the skull, hard knees to the rips, elbows, kicks, any way Diamond can put a beating on the Split-tongued superstar’s arse the man goes for. Danny grabs the free arm of his caught prey and pulls is taught. He brings his own legs up around the arm and hooks his ankles around the back of Spyro’s neck before he begins to wrench. The monochromatic mediator gets involved, trying to break the man-possessed of this illegal submission but Danny’s having none of it. The referee is forced to begin his count. As the official counts, Terr begins moving his body so that the soles of his feet are firmly on the ground. At the count of four he displays his immense power and begins to lift his opponent up into the air with the very arm The Rubix Cube is encapsulating. He groans as he does so but manages to get him up above his head. He releases a war cry as he brings his arm down and Danny’s back crashes down onto Spyro’s knee, quickly breaking the hold. Diamond arches his back on the mat as Spyro rubs the back of his neck, before flicking his arm up and down to try and get the blood flowing once again. He is quick to unhook his caught arm once he succeeds in getting feeling back in his arm and almost immediately drops to the mat, his balance obviously not quite back yet. With the assistance of the ring ropes he manages to get himself up to his feet as Diamond does the same in the opposite corner of the ring. Both men meet eyes across the canvas and begin to walk toward each other, Danny quickly going low placing his feet into the knee of the giant, causing him to buckle down to a knee, as if to propose a marriage. Danny steps up onto the elevated knee of his opponent and uses this as a base to kick off of as his other foot swings around into the back of Spyro’s skull. Though it’s a vicious, stiff kick it is not enough to topple the usually-towering competitor, merely knock him slightly as he places a hand on the floor and one on his knee to steady himself. Danny can scarcely believe this so walks over to his opponent, squeezing his cheeks and getting into his face. The red liquid that was sprayed into Skye’s face trickles from Spyro’s mouth, a detail that Danny no-doubt notes. This moment of badmouthing proves however to be costly, as a mammoth mit of Patient #8994 clamps itself around the throat of the Cheshire-resident. Spyro brings himself to a standing position, his tongue flickering from his mouth. Both of Diamond’s hands are clutching at the Bedlam-inmate’s wrist to try and alleviate the grip from around his throat, but it is doubtful it actually works. The clown’s other hand locks round the back of the six footer’s neck and he is lifted into the air. From over seven feet he is brought crashing down, face first into the canvas, driving all of the air from within his lungs.

Ted Cedar: “Oh God, Spyro just nailed that Inverted Chokeslam on Diamond there. Any lesser man would be out for the count at this point.”
Joey Miles: “Yeah, a lesser man. But Danny ain’t a fucking lesser man. He’s Danny fuckin’ Diamond, and at times I think you forget that Ted.”

Spyro bends down to pick his opponent up, perhaps to try and put him away for the end of the match, but suddenly his head flicks up. His eyes focus on something outside of the ring, he head tilts as if he’s trying to comprehend something, like a young puppy confused about a master’s command or perhaps even as if he’s listening to something.

”Evening pilgrim.”

A human-shaped shadow is at ring side, the gravelly, western voice overly familiar to the circus reject.

“Looks like you’ve got yourself a predicament here pilgrim. Now why on Earth are you taking it to a fellow country man?”
”You’re not real…”

Joey Miles: “Who's not real? Who’s this fucking weirdo talking to now…”

”Why d’ya say that pilgrim? Because no one else can hear me? Because no one else can see me? That’s the case with a lotta things. You’ve just got to trust yourself.”

The apparent shade takes form, revealing itself to be the long deceased Western actor John Wayne. At this point any normal, rational individual would accept that they’re batshit fucking insane but not Spyro, he’s still trying to play this thing out rationally.

Danny begins to stir about now, but The Clown is far too enthralled in this vision to take much notice.

John walks that famous walk, as if he’s been blue-balled for years and his grapefruits are swollen to the size of Skye’s fake tits, right up to the still-stained Sapphire herself and Spyro’s eyes follow.

“Now why would you do this to a pretty lil’ lady like this one? Is that what a normal person would do?”
”…No.
”No, I thought not. Now, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but my time’s almost up here. In situations like this, you’ve got to ask yourself one question. ‘Do you feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”

With that Spyro burst into a seemingly fit of rage and begins to scream at the top of his lungs.

”THAT’S NOT YOUR LINE! YOU GOD DAMN PIECE O-“

Mannibalectur is cut off by the heel of Mr. Diamond catching him right in the gob, shutting him up and breaking his fantasy. The big seven footer is doubled over by a hard kick to the gut and placed in a front facelock. The top of his head meets canvas as Diamond plants him in the centre of the ring. Laid out and nowhere to go, a throbbing headache coming on and in a match with the Danny Diamond, Spyro contemplates. He concurs at this moment in time, he is not feeling for lucky at all. Danny’s body seemingly radiates its own light, though in reality this is just the particles of sweat refracting the arena’s lighting off of his body. He points to the turnbuckle, instigating a roar of cheers from the crowd. He walks over, breathing heavily, obviously feeling the effects of the match thus far. Diamond places both hands on the top rope and one foot on the bottom turnbuckle. He pauses for a second to compose himself and leans his head against the padding, closing his eyes for naught but a brief rest. He lumbers up to the next turnbuckle and then ultimately to the top, turning himself around to face the supine superstar in the middle of the squared circle. Danny stands up straight. He points his fingers at Spyro and imitates firing a gun as if a modern-day executioner before going airborne. His body twists as he flips himself backward, yet his body still travels towards his opponent. He manages a full three hundred and sixty degree turn as his body comes crashing down onto the chest of Spyro, crushing the competitor and causing his legs to lurch up from the impact. The Rubix Cube hooks a tree-trunk leg and pulls back, leaning with his spine on Terr’s chest for the cover. The zebra-striped arbiter drops to the mat to begin the count as the still-red faced Skye cheers like a sixteen year old girl trying out for her school’s cheerleader squad.

ONE!
.
.
.
TWO!
.
.
.
THR-

Just as the referee’s hand is about to make contact with the canvas and seal away Diamond’s victory for the night, Spyro locks in a half-nelson from out of nowhere. Using the free hand, he takes a hold of the wrist of the hooked arm and pulls it across the throat of his caught victim. The Ripper rolls over so he is now a top his opponent who is lying stomach first on the canvas. Still keeping the hold, Spyro takes to a knee, then gets himself to a two-footed base. Deadlifting Diamond up, he begins to ragdoll him from side to side, each lurch quickly draining Danny’s consciousness.

Ted Cedar: “My God! The Butcher of Bedlam kicks out of the Diamond Press and gets the Phineas Gage Incident locked in!”
Joey Miles: “Fucking hell, this is worse than the Red Viper fighting the Mountain. Just as we thought Danny had it in the bag, Spyro comes back with this, all we need is for him to make a confession and crush Danny’s skull…”
Ted Cedar: “Was… was that just a Game of Thrones spoiler? Some of us haven’t caught up on that yet!”
Joey Miles: “Really? People aren’t caught up on Game of Thrones? What’s fucking wrong with people nowadays…”

The Crazed Clown stops swinging his victim around enough for the referee to check on Danny. He looks him in the face and then suddenly calls for the bell. Upon hearing the bell, Spyro casts Diamond asunder, the final shot before Vendetta goes to commercial is a close up of the unconscious body of Danny Diamond laid out in the ring, with a screaming Skye Sapphire almost in tears at ringside.