| | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:31 am | |
| Jared Jerusalem vs. Riley Williamson Grader: Ian JERUSALEM:I'm reluctantly OK with how your match started. First of all, you're allowed to and encouraged to do entrances for matches, but they're not considered in the grading. The issue I see, firstly, is busting Riley open in the first paragraph. I'm a fan of the natural build - and that's out of place for the start of a contest - especially one that's opening the show. Another thing of note is that you're not really developing your character. Your manuerisms are all very generic-heel. There's not a great deal of depth there. As far as the positives, go, there are a lot of them. I really thought you had great action. You did develop a bit of a natural build after the initial oddity. The finish was natural and came within the flow of the match, which is nice to see. The post-match was exceptional and it may cause me to take back what I said previously about not developing your character. Very nice. Your technical writing skill is lacking as well as your description; everything else was average or above. WILLIAMSON:A fairly strong performance from you here. Decent technical wrestling used to start and certainly more than a no-DQ match's minimum would be. A nice natural progression... but I thought you were kind of going through the motions a bit. Nothing very exciting, the finish was bland, but made sense. It was well written and you did better than your opponent in terms of description... but... VERDICT: Jared Jerusalem. I thought you both did very well, but Jared turned in a stronger effort. I was impressed with how polished his post was, actually. Looking forward to see you guys face off again.
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:13 pm; edited 3 times in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:32 am | |
| Kaylenna Parks vs. Alexis Rose Grader: None This match was a double no-show. Fantastic.
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:03 pm; edited 1 time in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:33 am | |
| C5 Ion vs. Dereck Walter Grader: Abdel C5 Ion Well, firstly, Adam Dennis doesn't commentate on XWA anymore. It's Joey Miles now. Doesn't matter, since this is commentary, but just thought I'd tell you. Well, uhh, to be honest, this match isn't really very good. It was pretty stale to read, considering you didn't add any description, selling, you just wrote the moves, which isn't really what's needed in e-fed. It seems like this match is just spots after spots, and they don't make much sense either. Almost all of them are huge spots, like the Jumping Piledriver, the Sitout Powerbomb. Maybe you rushed it, or maybe you're new to fedding, I don't really know what's the matter, but if you want to you can PM me for tips about fedding in general, because that's gonna take way too long. . What I'm gonna say now though is – put a goal to your match, a story. Entertainment isn't everything in match. A match has to be realistic, it should give the reader a good imagination as to picture how the match is going, not just spot after spot. Describe your moves, use your English knowledge to write how they are built up and how they are performed, and what effects they have on your opponent. Those are all basic keys for a good match, you know. Dereck Walter Well, shit, that's gonna be long. At first glance I notice that you improved your writing greatly from last week, so it's nice seeing you using the tips given. Your grammar is still a bit off but that certainly won't decide the match. Your strongest areas are definitely your writing and entertainment, but your selling and description still need some more work. Overall, pretty good match, better than last week, but there is still room for improvement. Verdict It's obvious that Dereck takes this. Ion, I don't have anything to add really, but you can always PM me or any GM for advice, and you can read main-event matches too.
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:34 am | |
| EG Deal vs. Paddy Perry Grader: Riley Perry: I was abit confused as to how you had Perry jump on Deal. Deal is 6'9 while Perry is 6'4. I would find it hard to believe that Perry were to be able to just instantly wrap his arm around the neck of Deal.- Where is Perry's struggle with this? Wouldn't he have to jump up abit in order to apply the move? One thing however that I did like to read coming out of the first paragraph of your match is the description that you had going on between Deal and Perry. With Perry, bad mouthing Deal and his facial expression changing afterwards. I think you did very well there . Another thing that I found interesting in your match was this: "The Irishman hoists Deal up by the tights onto the outside edges of the canvas and rolls him into the ring," Weren't they already in the ring? i-d-kMoving on, I notice that you did a good job on your description. "Deal immediately picks up the fallen body of Paddy and scoops him up just to deliver a devastating Scoop Slam, dropping the Irishman right on the spine, which Paddy impulsively stiffens on impact. Eyes widened as if he had taken a whiff of some good cocaine" This had me laughing XDThe description of the moves that you had Paddy hit on Deal and Deal hitting on Perry were good. The part where you had Perry kick Deal, or should I say, punches Deal in the nuts was very well written. With the Referee not noticing as he was out of position you described this good. However, reading the final paragraph of your match, "EG Deal turns blindly, opening a window of opportunity. Obliged to attack, Paddy springs into action, another deadly round is served,"- What happened here? What move did Paddy hit? Overall, Your match was good and descriptive to read, but in some parts, I found myself lost as to what happened. Deal: I think from the start of the Bell, you did very well describing how the little man who tries to gain a hold on the Big man. With Paddy already knowing that he would have a task ahead of him, attacking Deal with furious lefts and rights backing him into a corner. And then having Deal to come out of the corner like a monster and almost take his head off. This part had me "Oh!" While I was reading it. One part of your match where you had Perry elevated onto Deal's shoulder and then having Perry only to counter with a gigantic DDT had me also "Oh!" as well. The Finish was nothing pretty nor ugly, Deal pushes Perry off before running and connecting with a Spear and then going for a cover was well written out. Overall, your match was written out well, and I had not gotten lost from the Beginning to End. Verdict: Although, Perry had some spots in his match where I got lost at, both Men did a good job Description wise. I think they both did very well describing the moves and actions that there wrestlers did to each other. Both men did a good job having both wrestlers But in the end, I believe Deal did abit more than what Paddy did. Deal did a good job on Description, Selling, and although it doesn't really count, explained the atmosphere that was going on throughout the Arena. Paddy, don't be upset that you lost. Take this loss as a win. As you can use this to improve
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 3:55 pm; edited 3 times in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:35 am | |
| James Best vs. Rufus Qabazard Grader: None Rufus has no-showed. For a second time. A third no-show and Rufus will no longer be booked. |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:37 am | |
| Hitman Alex vs. JHalc Grader: None JHalc has won via no-show. This is the second week in a row where Hitman Alex has no-showed. I need to see more effort from you.
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 1:04 pm; edited 1 time in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:38 am | |
| Lumber Jill vs. Wolverina Grader: None I can't tell whether Wolverina no-showed or it was a planned promo-match. Either way, I'm glad this is going somewhere. If it was a planned promo match, you guys could just book a segment for it instead. |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:41 am | |
| Robert Hope vs. Maddox Paine Grader: Ian PAINE:I looked ahead and seen this won't exactly be a long match, but boy did you start strong. You know how much I love characterization and I think you use it to your advantage, you dirty devil. Solid character building in 30 seconds from both Hope, who comes across as manipulative villain, and from Paine, who comes across as larger than life with his huge stature and no-selling the slap. Fantastic. Some decent technical stuff, but clearly this isn't your best work. You did well to leave Hope looking strong through a sloppy finish, but those kinds of finishes don't really work with how I see Maddox Paine's character. He needs big, clean wins. Still an okay effort. HOPE:The first thing that jumped out at me was that your match was ertainly better technically written than Razor's, who kinda rushed through. Better natural progression and a more precise focus on the technical aspect of the match don't hurt, either. It didn't take me until the end of the match to make a decision. Very solid complete effort from you here, even if it was a bit rushed in terms of formatting. You already know I like the angle you're taking with this character. WINNER: Robert Hope.
Last edited by EEYEN on Sun Feb 23, 2014 3:41 pm; edited 3 times in total |
| | | Eeyen TeamMoose
Posts : 14180 Join date : 2013-07-19 Age : 31
| Subject: Re: Vendetta 71 Grades Sun Feb 23, 2014 2:50 am | |
| Dominik Diveraz vs. Drake Dysfunction Grader: None. Drake has no-showed and apparently hasn't been on since January. Hope all is well for Mr. Dysfunction. We miss you, Nate. |
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