NXT Review
Because I'm watching it. I REVIEW WHAT I WANT.
Enzo Amore & Colin Cassady vs. Tons of Funk
Enzo says words. Then dances. This summons Tons of Funk. Tons of Funk weren't even in the building, but when someone started dancing they teleported there. Tons of Funk haven't even botehred to wear their proper attire, they've just turned up in tracksuit bottoms and grey t-shirts. Wait, no, they're stripping. OH GOD THEY'RE STRIPPING. Enzo and Colin try to escape, when Mason Ryan (now with long hair) appears. How the hell did Mason pass any wellness tests? Mason hits The One and Only, and it's now that I realise this wasn't actually a match. Oops. NOT EDITING. YOLO. Tons of Funk invite Mason to dance, and he does. Kind of. Giant Bernard must cry himself to sleep.
Dusty Rhodes is backstage with Paige and Emma. He says things about their match being good. Or about rally cars. I dunno, I don't speak Dusty. Summer's here all heeling it up, and then Paige is all "u wot m8, I'll fucking smash you cunt." Summer is angry because Emma mocks her dancing. NXT: DANCE EDITION. No sooner do I say that, than Summer challenges Emma to a dance contest. Are Too Cool going to return on this show? Paige has no time for this bullshit.
SAMI ZAYN!...is teaming with Bo Dallas. That's like putting shit on a pizza. Antonio Cesaro also involved though, so I shall accept this.
The dance off is next week. NXT knows that we can't handle too many MOVEZ on one show.
Charlotte vs. Sasha
Charlotte is of course Ric Flair's daughter. Sasha is presumably someone's daughter too. Charlotte does athletics stuff to avoid an attack, then does her own special pin...which doesn't pin Sasha. That same special pin didn't pin Bayley either. Worst special pin ever. After some stuff, Charlotte hits a flipping cutter thing (similar to Cena's old Throwback) to win. Decent match, and Charlotte's athletics background gives her some interesting spots. The danger is that she ends up relying on those spots, and we end up with another Kofi Kingston - someone with spots that look fun and wow people to begin with, but get old quick.
Renee Young is interviewing Tyler Breeze. Tyler is a narcisistic model character. Some guy with deadlocks is pulling faces behind Tyler. Tyler doesn't notice him and the guy goes away. Well that had a purpose.
Wyatt Family promo. It's a video promo, but I don't think I've seen this one before. It leads into them making their entrance.
The Wyatt Family w/ Bray Wyatt vs. Aiden English & Mickey Keegan
Harper hits a Discuss Clothesline, and Rowan hits a splash for the win. That was literally the match.
After the match Bray hits Sister Abigail on...English, I think...and cuts a promo. This is really good. I mean really good. Dude is over.
Adrian Neville is backstage with Corey Graves. Basically Adrian is going to the ring for Corey's match. Not a bad promo, compared to Adrian's older ones.
Scott Dawson w/ Sylvester LeFort vs. Corey Graves w/ Adrian Neville
Sylvester cuts a promo before the match. He keeps pausing, which allows the crowd to chant "what" and they do. That's basically all there is to the promo. I kind of like the whole dynamic of the flashy French manager teaming up with the old school brawler style wrestler though. This was shaping up to be a good match, but then Corey got his submission in and Dawson tapped. There was an entire match missing from the middle of that.
Just going to say here how much I love Regal on commentary. Probably the best in WWE right now in that regard.
THE SHIELD IS HERE. Crowd goes mental, showing they're not really very good at telling who the heels are. A Shield promo sets up Ambrose vs. Neville for the US Title next week. ALL OF MY WATCHES. Bray Wyatt and now Dean Ambrose talking. NXT you spoil me.
Sami Zayn & Bo Dallas vs. Antonio Cesaro & Leo Kruger
Some cheer for Kruger, and a few cheer for Cesaro. NXT crowds are backwards! Also wise people, because I like both those guys. I really don't like Sami's music, doesn't fit him at all. Bo comes out to the biggest heat of the night. This isn't like a Cena crowd-split thing, the crowd here HATES Bo. Sami does some cool armdrags, and then Bo tags himself in, much to the delight of nobody. Cesaro in as well, and a "We The People" chant starts up. I wonder who'd get boo'd harder in a Vickie vs. Bo segment? I love Cesaro's style, those uppercuts, those stomps to the head, just a nasty looking style of wrestling. He hits a nasty looking powerbomb, dragging Sami off the top rope to do so. Interesting spot as Zayn manages to kick Cesaro, but Cesaro falls straight into a tag to Kruger, meaning that any comeback is cut short. Dallas finally gets the tag in, and does the basic "I JUST MADE A TAG" spots. Zayn and Cesaro fight up the ramp, leaving Bo to hit his awful Powerslam. Kruger falls out of the ring, but Dallas catches him, knees him in the face, and murderises him with a clothesline. Bo Dallas' Powerslam, so good Leo Kruger recovered in about six seconds. I quite like Kruger, he's not a spectacular wrestler, but his style fits his gimmick nicely. Quite a good match, Sami played the face in peril well, and any match with Cesaro in is going to be at least decent.
So, not the best episode of NXT, but with Neville vs. Ambrose next week we should have a better show for that alone.
Subject: NXT: Dante can Rot 
