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Gopher
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PostSubject: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:39 pm

John Hudson vs. Jonathan Blade vs. Paddy Perry vs. Niko L. Genero
Grader: Ruro

John Hudson: Noshowed, not a surprise.

Jonathan Blade: Probably waiting for XM6 to be posted.

Paddy Perry: Alright, so I'm not going to be really in depth as I wasn't expecting to grade any matches this card, it just kind of happened.  Anyways, from the looks of it you have a solid grasp of what you're doing, so I'm going to go on a limb and guess this isn't your first match writing fed, or least not your first time writing the match portion itself.  What I am going to say needs some work though is your selling and entertainment value.  It started off strong, with the two guys starting to fight before all four men were out, but it was sloppy really.  And the action was a bit of a mess of trying to keep the four men constantly in and out.  Where was the story?  What was this match trying to say?  Seeing as usually you have your character win, usually you'd tell a dramatic story for your character, while still giving your opponent's characters something to work with as well.  I didn't really get that from this, and it left your match on a downer.  The ending was a big mess though, the moves came in one after another, despite all men being previously mentioned as nearly beaten.  There was no build up with it, if all four men are so close to being done, why is it they get up so quickly?  

Also, I'm not counting you off for this, but I would much prefer that you didn't chuck the end of everything into one giant paragraph, I'm guessing it may have been the result of a rush finish, but nonetheless it's not so easy on the eyes, and makes the need for rereading much more common.  

Niko L. Genero: Damn it Caine, I swear if you wrote like this every match you'd be in line to be challenging Chilly for the championship.  The writing was damn near perfect, the you kept me wanting to read every second of your match which is pretty rare in fedding nowadays.  The story of having Perry pretty much fuck everyone up, while everyone else did there best to fight back all the way till the end just worked so well.  The best part is that it didn't really require anything flashy.  You just wrote a solid match, and wrote it beautifully.  I do think that selling was your weak point in this, but that didn't hurt my desire to read, a very solid match, and I really hope you can start putting together a string of matches this high in quality.  

Winner: Niko L. Genero.  Don't take my criticism too hard Perry, I've become a bit of a cynical fedder the last couple years, so I'm hard to impress.  You're new here, with plenty of time to improve, and nothing is currently expected of you.  So just take advice from guys like Razor and Snoopz, and you'll come into your own just fine.  And Caine, you better not follow this up by no-showing again.
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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:39 pm

Kaylenna Parks vs Wolverina
Feedback: Proggy
Twis the night before Christmas, so pardon for anything I missed. First off onto Ky's post. The description here was solid. I could realistically image everything as it went on. Although, the large block of text was hard on my eyes. Maybe add a bit of commentary here and there. Total domination on Kaylenna's end, but since this was a scripted match, it fit. Gives Parks that ere of being a badass beautiful princess. Now onto Wolfie's portion. The description was solid and you made Brian look like a kiss ass. The interview was fine for what it was. You displayed emotion within it and it fit. Although, it might be a pet peeve of mine, you shouldn't look at your past accolades as such high-profile stuff. The XWA is a different promotion, new feuds and new titles. Sure you can make a passive remark that you've been champion around the world. But in the context of the actual show, mentioning other feds and how you dominated them puts them down.

Overall, this was solid. Happy Holidays.


Last edited by Giggity Gopher on Tue Dec 24, 2013 8:43 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:40 pm

The Nest vs Logging Crew
Grader: TJ

NEST:
It was an entertaining match, sure, but there were several little grammar-related things that just bothered me. Run-on sentences, bad wording, etc. The worst of these was "Riley Williamson is still propped up in the corner as Cletus enters, the fans shouting in support of the XWA loyalist as he looks to punish the former RSD Champion." Who's the XWA loyalist? Cletus? If I'm not mistaken this is is first match, so why would they be cheering for him? Certainly you don't mean Riley, either, so I'm not sure what you're talking about there. Then there was the point where Riley looks worried at accidentally injuring his opponent, then immediately turning around and stomping at it "with no remorse". Surely you meant it that way as heel characterization, and I like the idea, but it was just badly worded. The story of the match was good, but there's just moments where characters contradict themselves, especially Riley and Crow. They go from getting the crowd behind them and making hot tags to hitting cheap shots and acting heelish in five seconds flat, and it's just confusing to the reader. Crow didn't tag in once. It's a little odd, but you did make a point to mention that fact in putting over Riley. OK, That's fine then. The ending was nice, Crow beats the crap out of Jim while Riley picks the scraps in the ring, just right for a midcard TV match.

I understand that both teams are supposed to be heel-ish, but you've gotta stick with one set. Have one team act more face-ish and one team act more heel-ish. Riley and Crow seemed to be flipping back and forth. Personally, since The Nest are established, I'd have kept them as the heel team and let Logging Crew work as faces for most of the match, but then show that they were bad guys at the end by getting pissed at the ref or something. The match was OK, the story it told was entertaining, but it could have been a lot better; there were parts of it that I read over and over and still really confused me. We'll have to see if Logging Crew did better.


LOGGING CREW:
Just as I say to keep Nest as heels. Haha. Well I guess Riley is listed as a face in his profile, but I'm pretty sure Nest are supposed to be heels too. I also am leaning towards thinking you mistook them for D-Volution, with the "anti-establishment all-stars" comment. Well, I shouldn't really assume anything, so on to the match. I like your description better already. Nice and formulaic. I dunno, The Nest's just seems a bit haphazard in comparison. I can definitely tell what's going on at each point in the match. You've also got some really good psychology in the early going, especially with spitting in Crow's face and getting him all riled up. It's a bit weird seeing you write Crow as a face though. Riley's one thing, but Crow's profile definitively states that he is a heel. I like how it just devolved into a brawl at the snap of a finger, just to show how volatile all these guys are. Again, description is top notch, and at the same time, it's not so much that it gets boring. But yeah, you had a lot of action and it all flowed well. A nice debut, for sure.

One thing I can fault you for, however, is that your ending seemed really abrupt. It was cool to see a pass-out submission - they're actually pretty rare in E-Wrestling when I think about it - but it seemed a bit *Action Action Action* *Submission* *End*. It could have been a bit more drawn out, but it was still ok, anyway.



DECISION:
The Nest's match was ok, but I constantly felt like I was trying to decipher what was going on, whereas with the Logging Crew I could tell exactly what was happening. Riley (and Proggy), you just gotta work on how you present your match, because the ideas were there, and I liked them, but it wasn't executed properly, and that's why The Logging Crew wins the match. It was a very impressive debut, so congratulations.
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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:41 pm

Razor Xtreme vs Sgt Stafford
Grader: Snoopz

Sgt Stafford: I'm not really gonna go into depth with what you did do right and what you didn't do right because, from what I've gathered, you're only back for this one match. I will say this though, your description can use a lot of work. It was all "He did this. He did that." You went from move to move without really describing how the moves made the wrestlers feel and stuff of that nature. The action also wasn't the best I've seen by a long shot. Nothing bad, but it really wasn't all that exciting. It was mainly your description that really hurt you. I mean, let's take this exert from the final paragraph as an example.

"Razor and Stafford both get to their feet slowly! Razor throws a punch! Stafford blocks it and responds with a kick in the gut followed by a bone shattering Spinebuster! STAFFORD HITS THE SCREAMING EAGLE POWERBOMB"

Here's a better way to write that.

"Slowly, both men begin to approach a vertical base. Once they've reached their feet, Razor throws a punch at his adversary, but Stafford blocks it and responds with a kick to the gut of his opponent. He then lifts him onto his shoulder, before slamming him hard into the canvas, back-first, with a Spinebuster! Stafford isn't done there, however, as he picks Razor back to his feet and places his head in between his legs. He then pulls his opponent into the air, ala Powerbomb, before sending him crashing spine-first again into the canvas, this time with the Screaming Eagle Powerbomb!"

When I write matches, I typically write the summary of each paragraph and then I go in and add detail. Your descriptions feel like the summaries of my matches. All-in-all, not an awful post, but it could use a lot of work. Not that it matters, since you won't be fedding actively here anyway.

Razor Xtreme: Your description is vastly better than your opponent's. Your action was also pretty decent, although not overly entertaining either. Plus, you actually had commentary. I don't consider commentary at all when grading, so I don't care that Sgt. didn't have any, but it's still nice to see someone at least put in the effort. Nice finish, too.

Verdict: This should come as no surprise. Razor Xtreme gets the win. His post was just all-around better in every aspect. Only thing I could really complain about is him not adding in pronouns or nicknames or something of the such a bit more, but I know his stance on that. >_>


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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:42 pm

Tag Team Championship Match: D-Volution vs Takumi Sanu & Giselle Von Wolf
Grader: Razor Xtreme

I told Justin that I'm not going to go into a ton of detail because you guys are all good and don't need it, I will focus more on critquing the match itself rather than giving fedding tips.

Guys Without Masks: Right off the bat, good action, loved the dropkick counter to JHalc's arm, creative. Reading into the next paragraph, more good action, favorite part is Giselle dropkicking Jay in mid-air. Good point that JHalc is the only American-born wrestler in the match. Also, yay for the fans support giving momentum and shit. Nice double stomp, good team work shown off the bat. A bit quick into the tag to David, but it was also good because I wouldn't want a hot tag right at the start either. Sweet action by David Michaels, very nicely used. Great team maneuver by D-V into that forearm. Also dammit JHalc, you and your show boating-ness! Awesome spot off that double diving dropkick by Takumi. Good description of the crowd's issue with not knowing who to root for and great tag team technicality between David vs Takumi. Also, VERY good description of that BC submission, even accounting for weight, very nicely done. Great enzuguiri counter to the side effect attempt. Nice move in the Inis Mona, but that's more of a character thing. Cool ending, always love a counter-into-submission ending, very nice.

D-Volution: I love your commentary, it's a shame that with the return of JM you won't be doing it much anymore... but yeah golden stuff. Oh my god, I am dying with laughter at reading this. This is great, good mix of comedy and actual competition. Great technicality between JHalc and Takumi. lol @ Cedar burning Dennis. I'm REALLY REALLY gonna miss that commentary Neutral. Reading on, more great back and forth, this time between Jay and Giselle, nice character portrayal with Takumi apologizing to the ref btw. Sweet technicalities between David and Giselle, I can picture it all in my head. Reading into the submission by Takumi and I must say I kind of wish you guys had a few more tags, but that's just minor since it's not like you didn't have a good amount, just a personal note. Good note in "Jay has seen that move too much tonight", as Takumi has indeed attempted many dropkicks lol. That sly Cedar and his biased-ness, letting Giselle get away with "bending" the rules! A bit surprised the ref didn't DQ both teams lol, but good ending. I always love a tag team ending. This was great. I also enjoyed reading the celebration at the end.

Verdcit: I will say that this match is actually very very close. Not to say it's one of the hardest matches I've had to decide, but it's definitely not a clear verdict. I loved both of your technicalities, GWM had a bit better actual "wrestling," but neither of you faulted there. Some of GWM's spots were a little better but then D-Volution had great ones as well. I loved the entertainment of both, you both had relatively nice endings. In the end, I will say that I have to go with D-Volution. Like I said, you both had really excellent matches with very little flaws, so I can't pick on the flaws but instead the positives, and D-V just smidged by there. I'd love to see a rematch, though.


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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 23, 2013 1:42 pm

Dominik Diveraz vs Hitman Alex vs E.G. Deal
Grader: JHalc


EG Deal:
Uncharacteristic no show homie. I can't help but feel like maybe you didn't think you had a chance to win. If that was the case, I want to tell you that you beat Caleb Spires. You are the shining star here my dude. You could take Chilly's title if you wanted to. I want to see you at the top.

Hitman Alex:
Your post was not nearly as bad as you made it out to be with your little note at the end, but it was also not without its problems. Sometimes it seemed like you were describing things that didn't need it in one place, and then leaving out description in another. At one point you didn't describe a chair that you pulled out from under the ring before you used it, just noted that it was probably where it came from. The match didn't flow really, it seemed really choppy. I can definitely tell that it wasn't your best work. Its a shame though, with what you had, if you had time to look it over and not rush it, you could have won this thing easy. I want to see you win some matches headed into the PPV, because pushing you to that title one way or another is what is going to have the main event looking like it should, with a strong set of contenders. Don't lose faith in the fed sir. Dont get discouraged by the loss.

Dominik Diveraz: (if it is in parentheses it has no effect on the grading, just personal thoughts)
(GOD DAMMIT I HATE THAT YOU BOLD YOUR POSTS! KNOCK IT OFF!!!! IT HURTS MY EYES! IMMA START WRITING MY SHIT IN LIKE LIME GREEN, TINY AND ITALICS AND MAKE YOU GRADE IT!)
Your blurb before the match was pretty sweet though. It explained why the match was going down when more than a few people thought we should just name a contender. You put everyone on a level playing field to kick it off. (Gotta give some English name for them foreign language moves too bro) (I always end up skipping over your pins because they are just in the paragraphs, why not make them stand out) You missed what happened to Alex after the electric chair drop, then he was just on the floor a minute later. Your belly-to belly moonsault was awesome, literally blew my mind. A lot of your spots do though. The flow all the way through the end from here was great. I don't really have any complaints. The ending was simple and typical, but you can only do so much with two little men and one big one.

Winner: Dominik Diveraz. He just had the better slow. EG Deal no showed. Alex's match was a little choppy and had a few too many errors. I wouldn't really read too much into the matter because it was a bit rushed and I know it wasn't his best.
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PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #67 Official Results   Vendetta #67 Official Results EmptyMon Dec 30, 2013 5:06 pm

Gradings done!
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