Rising Bread Diversion Champion Chip

This match is a race up Mount Everest with the title belt on top of the summit. The first wrestler to grab the belt is the winner of the match.

Fucked Up Foster wakes up the day of the show with a severe hangover. He checks his phone and sees several new e-mails. Through advertisements for much-needed viagra, he finds a confirmation email for a helicopter rental. He looks down at his phone in disbelief. "How can I afford this," he wonders. But the confirmation is there and he wants to win the match.

So he drives to the airport where he is escorted to the helicopter by a man in military fatigues. "That's unusual," The Drunk Rebel mutters to himself, but with his head pounding he can't bother to think about it beyond a passing curiosity. Instead, he continues fantasizing about booze. The helicopter takes off and the man in military fatigues starts talking to Foster. Foster recognizes this, but doesn't want to actually listen. So he nods and says "uh huh" a few times and the mystery man seems satisfied.

After a couple of hours, the man grabs a pack and tells Fucked Up Foster it's a parachute. He tells him how to activate the chute. Fucked Up Foster, is terrified by this, and actually pays attention. Soon after, the man starts screaming. "Go now! Go now!"

Fucked Up Foster jumps out of the helicopter and starts his descent toward earth. About half way down, he pulls his chute and is yanked upward. His fall slows to a calm, steady pace. Fucked Up Foster, satisfied with his safety now, once again starts day-dreaming about booze. About 1000 feet from the ground he starts looking down and notices he's nowhere near any mountain. He realizes he doesn't know where he is. He starts panicking. What's he going to do?

After all this time, it occurs to him he doesn't know *where* he chartered a helicopter to. He's crying. Tears are streaming down his face like Snoqualmie Falls.

But when things on the ground start to take form, Fucked Up Foster notices something that brings him great joy. There is a large brown bear right below him. It's standing in the middle of a clearing, seemingly waiting for Fucked Up Foster to fall. In this moment, he knows what he must do.

About thirty feet from the ground, Fucked Up Foster pulls out a pocket knife and cuts the cord on his parachute, leading to him free-falling the rest of the distance. He flexes his bicep and pulls his fist under his chin and delivers a devastating elbow drop to the top of the bears' head. The camera man that jumped after Fucked Up Foster watches on from the sky as he literally kills this bear with an elbow.

Fucked Up Foster cries in pain on the ground, wishing he had some booze. He opens his eyes and notices a fence around where he landed. Then he hears small children crying. After a moment, he realizes the ugly truth: He's in a zoo.

One of the employees comes rushing into the scene to see what the commotion is about and sees the man laying in the enclosure. He yells "That's fucked up" and the crying stops. The kids all start to chant "That's fucked up! That's fucked up!" in honor of their hero.

Fucked Up Foster gets to his feet, punches himself in the eye as hard as he can, grits his teeth, and dives neck first on the ground below. He yells in pain as the kids start hooting and hollering. The camera man gets to the ground, having captured everything. He pulls out his cell phone and calls into the office.

"He did it. He fucking killed the bear."

Turd Ferguson, in the studio: "We're getting word from one of our remote cameramen... Fucked Up Foster is in no condition to finish the match. He's been eliminated from competition, and possibly faces legal issues. We're going to send a lawyer to the zoo... We'll have footage for you about what went down next week!"