C5 Ion d. Sir Spud via no-show.

Jared Jerusalem vs. Dereck Walter
Grader: Abdel

Well, firstly, props to both of you guys for showing, and hope you guys stick out with us. Starting with Dereck Walter


Props for having an entrance. I won't judge the winner based on it but it's always nice to see one, even if it was short and simple. The first thing I notice is that you're using past tense. Since you're writing play-by-play it would be better if it was in present tense. Again, won't really affect my verdict, but just for future references. Well, for the first spot, your description is really, really lacking. I mean, how did Jared counter the bodyslam?  Hhow did it affect Dereck? All of these are questions that must be answered, so that your post flows better and gives the reader a better painting of the match. In the future, you should really describe and sell your moves, as they are focal points of e-fedding. To know how to describe your moves really well, you should read matches from Dominik Diveraz, David Michaels and the such. Also, your grammar is really turning me off lol. Try to proof read your matches and stick to one tense, so that it doesn't get too confusing. Going on I get kinda confused to what a fireman's press means. Actually good selling on the Suplex spot, but still the description is very lacking. OK, no disrespect to Jared, but do you expect someone to be heel enough, that he prompts the crowd to throw trash in the ring? That's just very unrealistic. The crowd booing heavily would be enough, really. Oh, also, try to use nicknames and hometowns a lot more, instead of just repeating names. It will help your post flow better. Some good writing there, after the Scoop Slam. It's also good to show that you're having Jared target a part o Dereck. Good selling there. I'm not really sure why Jared would slap Dereck? I mean, yeah he's heel and all, but why would he do that? He got his arm twisted… I don't think that would prompt a slap. It just felt… Random. The Splash counter was nice, classical. Again, the lack of description, selling and the bad grammar are really drawing me away from reading the match. You have potential, and if you read some main-event matches I'm sure you will improve. "Dereck's looking like he's empty." I… Didn't really understand what that means. Nice spot with the Powerslam counter. That's much better from you. Hmm, next time, try to describe the moves named by the wrestlers, or at least call it by its original name first. Your lack of description combined with you only saying "Switchback" made me forced to go see it in Jared's profile. It's apparently a one knee codebreaker, then. I'm not sure how he would hit a Codebreaker, which requires jumping, if Dereck was bent down. Some good description and selling on the Sharpshooter spot, probably your best yet, but it's still not enough.

All in all, I'm sorry, but this wasn't a good effort. I understand you're new, however, so I tried not being too harsh on you. If you need any more tips just PM me, or the people in light purple (the GMs) or anyone who you think is a good fedder.

Immediately, I see some pretty solid descriptions, grammar, and selling, which is certainly an improvement. Try to space out your sentences a bit, use commas and stuff like that, just to make your post easier to read. Again, I don't really get the importance of the slap there. They are better suited for pre-match confrontations in my opinion, not during the match. Some pretty good looking description there, and your selling is pretty decent too. So far I'm enjoying the post. I'd, however, like it if you described the flurry of punches in your post. Would bring more quality but so far so good. Your selling of Walter's leg is pretty good so far, though. Liked how you imposed yourself as a heel by tearing a fan-made sign, and then you flipped them off, ha. Using too much "but" there; you can always use synonymous or space out your sentences, as that read really awkward. Honestly though, aside from the good writing, there isn't really too much entertainment here, just punches after punches. Not really a lot of description for the Powerslam there. Bit too much there with the slap and the middle finger, I think. I don't know why you both used two slaps in your matches. OK, that Undertaker analogy… Wasn't really good. It would've been better if you just used something like "his eyes widen and he becomes amazingly angry" or something, that was just a bit too much. Really liked the way you had Jared get out of the Piledriver, though, good job with the consistency in selling. Well, you didn't describe your Switchback, which is one of your Signature moves. Big negative there. Love how you drew in the fans, though, not many people use them that well. Great build-up for the Sharpshooter with the referee knocked out and all, and the classic heelish style of tapping out but not losing the match because the referee isn't there, love it. The Fire Extinguisher spots were pretty cool, I must say. Your match was pretty dull but it got really entertaining in the end. Again, not describing your finishing move is pretty bad in my book. Make sure to do that for future reference.

No disrespect but this wasn't really hard for me, this match has to go to Jared Jerusalem. He pretty much outclassed Dereck in everything. Maybe Dereck was bit better in entertainment but Jared was much better in description and selling. Dereck, don't be disheartened, you're still new and you have a lot of potential, just ask for tips frequently and try to improve your writing by reading main-event matches. Jared, you are really good, but just remember to describe your signatures and finishers and give your opponent some more actions, too. Good match, gentlemen.

Dylan Breywell d. Xtreme Icon via no show.

JHalc d. Drake Dysfunction via no-show.

Rufus Qabazard vs. Robert Hope vs. EG Deal
Grader: Razor

Rufus no showed.

Verdict: I don't feel I need to go too into detail with this one. It's Robert Hope. Abdel, I understand you were very busy this week and I appreciate you showing an effort to... well, show. Additionally, your match was actually fairly good. If it weren't rushed, and maybe a bit longer, it could have competed well. You had the psychology down nicely (IE: Robert hitting the big man with a DDT rather than something like a snap suplex), however you also had a lot of moments where it seemed very rushed (IE, Rufus' super elbow drop immediately after the DDT). It's fine, thank you for showing. Kani, despite being rusty, your match didn't fail to meet standards. From the beginning where the sneaky Hope tries to rush the big man, to getting flattened by both, your description was well overall, that chokeslam to Hope towards the end was nicely described, not too much not too little, and your ending was great, can't wait to see this Cerebrus character introduced further, and good debut for sure. Kani, if you'd like a more detailed feedback of your match, you are free to PM me for that and I will be more than happy to give it to you. But right now, it's obvious who took this one and I don't think I need to run down the specifics as to why. Thank you both for showing.

Maddox Paine vs. Niko L Ginero
Double no-show. I don't know what happened.

Paddy Perry vs. Hitman Alex
Grader: Abdel

First of all, props to both of you guys for showing. I'll start with Hitman Alex.


Good way to start the match with the slaps following the talking exchanges. I kinda laughed . Try not to use the same words over and over, makes the reading awkward sometimes. So far, I think you're lacking a bit in selling. Not really a lot of moves are being sold. Also a bit in description, try to describe at least some of these punches, just for painting a better image inside the reader's head. Also try to use some nicknames, for both of them, to make the reading less awkward. Good, classic Chops trade between Alex and Perry, good references for Ric Flair. One thing that confused is how Alex poked Perry in the eye without the referee reacting? Try to keep it realistic, man. Little things like that matter big time. Try to not use full-stops as commas next time, as they make the reading a little bit awkward, too. Some good realism with the five counts. Good job. Would've liked some description to the Snap Powerslam. It was a good spot, but just lacking description. OK, how does a kick to the shoulder sends Alex to all fours? I'm sure that would knock him flat on his back. It may be minor, but still, that was confusing. Again, using synonyms would be key, as using the same words over and over again really makes the match flat and boring. Great spot with the Inverted Headlock Backbreaker. Really liked that, but still lacked selling. It seems that everything you do something well, it lacks just something to make it perfect. Don't get me wrong, you're very entertaining and your description is very well done, but every post is lacking something to make it better. I think you did too much Knife Edge Chops, though, starting to get a little dull now. Great job with the Celtic Knot, good selling for a submission. Much better. Great counter for your finishing move.

All-in-all, decent effort but wasn't the best. Your grammar really distracted me from reading certain parts, and you should use synonyms and nicknames more, and just work on completing your spots in every part.


I have said this before, and I will say it again, your writing is probably the best in the fed. It's certainly my favourite, the way you word stuff. Good, technical action for a start. Your description is really, really good. Honestly, everything about this post, so far, is great. Your writing, your descriptions, your selling, your psychology, your pace, everything. OK, honestly, I think the description of the Gut Kick was a bit too much lol, considering it's basically a basic move, you should've saved that for big spots. The dialogue was pretty decent, too, showing off Alex's cockiness. Great job in turning your anger into action with the German Suplex. Something new and unexpected with the check-up on Alex's health. That's some immense psychology right there, bravo. Honestly, the only thing this post lacked was big spots. I wanted to see a decent amount of spots here, but other than that, it was quite perfect. I don't have anything else to say.

verdict

Honestly, this isn't very difficult. Paddy gets this for me. iLike, this wasn't your best effort, and Paddy was just on his best night tonight. Congratulations, Paddy, for your #1 Contendership.

Elektra d. Samantha Valentine Claudio
Someone needs to give Elektra feedback...

Solomon Crow vs. Riley Williamson(C)
Promo match

Razor Xtreme vs. Shade
Grader: Ian

Spoiler:

Wolverina d. Kaylenna Parks to become the XWA Diva's Champion!

Rob Chapman vs. Danny Diamond
Grader: THE Razor Xtreme

Robert Chapman:
Really great introduction. Felt like a Wrestlemania match between the two biggest wrestlers ever. You really made this feel like a huge thing. I realize it is, but damn. Very nice. Right off the bat, more great action. I loved how you had Danny counter the monkey-flip type maneuver by acknowledging that he knows Robert well enough and this is an old tactic. Great kitchen sink counter to the arm drag attempt. Interesting comparison of the dumb person pulling an Oreo apart to the chinlock being pulled apart haha. That imagery. Great counter to said chinlock too. I like how you go into the competitor's minds and explain what they are thinking. I legit lol'd at the black person on COPS reference. I had to re-read the move like four times to picture it, though. Great exchange leading into the seated sleeper hold. Loved the Catch 22 reference. Cool selling of the headbutt by having Rob not be able to pin Danny cause of it. Gives it a realistic setting. Once again, had to re-read that dropkick counter to the fall from grace a few times, but it was well worth it, interesting spot. LOL @ the Axel Anvil burn. Interesting twist, having a double pin. I thoroughly enjoyed your first post. More interesting spots from the beginning. That springboard DDT to the outside was neat. Not much I can say that I haven't already said, really. Awesome counter to the hurricanrana by having Rob through him into the pole. Sick. Also, awesome moonsault knee drop on the barricade. Holy shit indeed at that Tiger Driver through the glass covered announcers table maneuver! Great selling of the glass off that northern lights driver.

Danny Diamond:
Cool DDT to the chair spot. Decent thus far. Lol @ Fat kid at Golden Corral. Cool roll-up attempt after the Football punt, interesting move. Good move in having Danny force Rob to tap via his own finisher, getting his revenge for Rob doing the same to him. Like Rob, I like how you also get into the minds of the competitors. Something that would be typical in a big match like this one. Absolutely loved the Superplex to the outside onto the steps. One of my favorite spots in wrestling that I've seen, nice reading it in this match, especially with the added steps. Fairly decent final paragraph. Nothing too fancy, but nice technical wrestling. Nice to end it with a tie, as well. Right off the start of your second post, you get right to it. I like the selling, slow punches, barely dodges the splash against the post, Yakuza kick, all very nice. I imagine if this were a real life match, those kendo stick shots by Rob would be very uncomfortable to watch, I like it. Hoooooly mother of God, that plywood spot. From the splash into it to the moonsault, Jesus Christ. Sweet spot off the Diamond Piledriver as well, although I feel that would kill someone in real life lol. Magikarp and Splash sounds like a perfect comparison for the image I thought of in my head when I picture Rob on the ground selling a sick Reverse STO into tacks. I find it a tad bit hard to believe that he'd get up so quickly after that, but I'll play it off as “adrenaline, he's on adrenaline.” lol @ Rob getting another pin via Danny's own finishers. Danny should sue for copyright. Great, intense ending. Love where it left off.

Verdict: Wow. You two should definitely be proud. Like I told Justin, I've read a LOT of great matches, and while this wouldn't be the number 1 I've read, this one is definitely very high up there. You both brought it and you worked magic together. I actually enjoyed reading every bit of this. Now, despite that. I must say, that it sucks that I have to pick a verdict. Nonetheless, regardless of both of you being good, only one of you can take this. I've decided that that person is...

Spoiler:

Dominik Diveraz vs. David Michaels
Grader: Ian

Spoiler: