Graded by: Myke

David Michaels (Chilly)
Word Count: 8,458

I enjoy how you skipped the usual entrances and returned from a commercial break. Nice little talk back and forth with the commentators as well. There was a lot of “Both men” and it became sort of tedious to read. Other than that, I enjoyed the paragraph because it was a good start to a match. Nothing too ridiculous for a regular match.

There’s a lot of technical wrestling going on here. I think that’s the term I wanted anyway.

Small detail: you said “waits” but meant “waist”.

“However, the ref being… well, a ref…” – That line made me chuckle.

Your post had a nice, steady flow. It also had nice action.

The commercial breaks are humorous too. I don’t see people do that. I saw it last week (was it from you?) and it does make it like a nice little break from reading. Obviously it’s not gonna make me go “YOU WIN BECAUSE YOU GAVE ME A READINGBREAK!” but they’re still nice.

You had plenty of pins as well, which I liked seeing. Some of your descriptions were nicely done as well, such as the shark line.

My biggest complaint (which isn’t really big at all) is that one paragraph was HUGE in comparison to the others. Doing something like that can ruin the flow.

Also the whole “wrapped around” makes me think that it was actually… wrapped around his head. When in reality, it just seemed like a chair shot to the head.

Caleb Spires (The Elite One (NWD))
Word Count: 5,488

I really enjoyed the “A match that was one slated to be the main event of Xtrememania now on television for free.” line. It displayed the history well.

Just like Chilly, you had a good flow to your match.

Good Dennis commentary as well.

As I said to Chilly as well though, be careful with the giant paragraphs. If they’re ALL giant paragraphs, that’s one thing. But having one paragraph significantly bigger than the others can make it lose flow.

Very nice fourth wall break too. “They just read what happened literally six spaces above.” – Ha.

Your post just became progressively more and more funny too. “wider than Razor Xtreme’s butthole” very… graphic.

Conclusion

This was a tough call. Caleb’s post was more entertaining. I felt as though David’s post had better action though. Sadly, commentary can’t really count for anything, but I will say that Caleb had better commentary in my opinion. In terms of flow, David. Overall, I feel as though David edged it just slightly more so he gets my vote.

Shade On Commentary
Tyler Lawson vs. Dante Cross

TJ: Ok, right off the bat I like your match. Very good description even from the get-go, great psychology (with the whole, Dante being the smaller man, using things like stomps to get an advantage), also on a side note, I loved the way you portrayed Shade on commentary, but I can’t give you too many points for that since commentary isn’t all that important. I’ve read a few more paragraphs of your match and I can’t really come up with anything to pick on haha. Everything’s been perfect so far, your psychology has been on point, your moves/spots have been great, your transitions are perfect (as in, the way the match moves forward), and just in general. I am truly enjoying reading this and I have nothing to pick on thus far. Reading further in and I can’t help but point out how much I enjoy your description. Very nice. Your selling began to show past the armbar as well, that’s something else you’ve done very well this so far. Your ending wasn’t super generic, it wasn’t anything fancy, but it was very good for a mid-card match, psychologically anyway. All in all, TJ, I have to say I am very impressed! I knew you were good, but you have officially impressed me. This is main event quality work; I seriously don’t see why you doubt yourself so much. Keep this up and I can easily see you as a world champ. I haven’t read Dante’s match yet so I can’t judge, but he’s gonna have to really really impress me to get the win.

Dante Cross: Fairly good description off the bat. You two actually have vaguely similar tastes in writing, as I can see certain similarities in writing. Your description is also very very good, good job with that. I didn’t like that you had Dante hit a signature (Return to Sin Kick) really really early on in the match, but I guess it’s fine. I love your spots from the beginning. The whole “Counter the running into apron with a DDC” is a good move. Your transitions were also fairly nice, like I told TJ, what I mean by that is how you have the match itself move along. I like how both of you did it. You didn’t do anything special with Shade on commentary, however that really doesn’t affect the match that much. Everything from the special spots to the simple things like Lawson mounting cross and hitting him with forearm shots, very nice. I liked how you played off the Shining Wizard counter (second knee has less impact than the first). Side note, you used the Last Chancery (well, had Lawson use it), even though it’s someone else’s finisher. That doesn’t matter in any way at all, just pointing it out, that’d be more on the character than your match. I loved how you had a large amount of submissions too, shows their technical sides. Your selling was somewhat lacking. I mean, it wasn’t BAD by any means, it just lacked. For example, how Dante could perform the Fujiwara Armbar despite the fact that Lawson had him in an Ankle Lock earlier and his leg should be in a bit of pain. A lock-up in the middle of the match is a bit off, but not too bad. Also, “Dante who leaps from the top rope for a Flying Forearm onto his unsuspecting opponent. At the last second, Axel glances back and without another thought, he pulls out the metal railing and with a sound heard round the arena, causing Dante to land chest first into the steel barricade” Axel? I realize you may have used spots from your last match. Nothing wrong with that, but remember to edit it to make it fit… I realize you probably don’t want to waste spots you thought of, but mask it a little better. Don’t just re-use spots with no edits. Everyone’s different. Dropkick in mid-air the flying crossbody, nice. Your ending was also neat, nothing special, just like TJ’s, but yours was more heel-oriented, so good work there.

Verdict: You both put on very great matches, I can honestly say that if you were facing just about anyone else, you would have both won. Nonetheless, like I said, you both put on great matches. The verdict isn’t really so much about who was better, but who made less mistakes, or who’s was just a bit better in general. You both have nothing to be ashamed of, though Tyler Lawson’s match flowed a lot better for me really. Dante, you did great as well, like I said, nothing to be ashamed of, it just couldn’t match up to Lawson’s. Both of you keep it up.

FEEDBACK: Caleb

I am going to be updating this as I go. The first thing I have noticed is I like how you are using AJ Miller. He is a new superstar and you are managing to use his character pretty well in the opening portion, showing his arrogance by going up to T.K., expecting his chops to work and it completely backfiring. That is exactly how a new top-heel would start out against a larger man, and you did well expressing it.

Moving on, the way you set up T.K.'s downfall being him mocking Miller and thinking of him as an afterthought, leading into Miller resorting to dirty tactics was a nice set-up to Miller getting some offense. The ways you had Miller get offense on T.K. was very realistic. Using tactics like using the big man's own momentum against him to hit the steel steps, using kicks and chops to weaken him, etc. is what you would expect in a size mismatch like this. Also, the part where Miller rolls into the ring and starts stomping T.K. once he gets in is another good/realistic tactic you would expect out of the match.

No use kissing your ass more and more with every paragraph of your match, as you know that you are a good match writer. Your match had a flow that made it easy to read, you used the gimmicks very well, I liked the action when the referee was down, and most of all I could tell that you had a fun time writing the match and weren't thinking of it as a chore, as the match had more of a "fun" read than a tedious one in my opinion. I don't know, maybe it's just the way I interpreted it.

Onto the negatives, which there really didn't seem to be much of. The lack of pin fall attempts was a bit odd. I would have expected AJ, being a new superstar who is trying to make a HUGE name for himself by trying to beat his third former heavyweight champion, to go for any pin he could try to get on the big man. Honestly, I'm trying to find more faults so that I can give you more tips, but I can't. Your selling and description wasn't the best I've seen you do but it wasn't bad by any means, and you know you can do better than this match. Again, not saying it was bad though.

IN A NUTSHELL: Gimmicks were good, flow was easy to read, some pretty nice action, it was pretty realistic for the situation, and your descriptions and selling got the job done. As you said, it wasn't your best match, but you certainly still did a good job in my opinion, especially for being away for so long. I expect you to keep on improving from here. Best of luck in the chamber.

Gradings are done.