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Myke
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Myke

Posts : 4547
Join date : 2013-08-18
Age : 26

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PostSubject: Vendetta #105 Grades   Vendetta #105 Grades EmptyMon Mar 09, 2015 11:44 pm

XTREME ICON VS. EL HIJO DEL MINKARO
STREET FIGHT
GRADER: NONE


WAS A JOBBER MATCH, BUT XTREME ICON NO-SHOWED.

PRINCE ALEX III VS. D-K SWAG
SUBMISSIONS COUNT ANYWHERE
GRADER: NONE


PRINCE ALEX III WINS (JOBBER MATCH)

MATTHEW BRADLEY VS. JARED JERUSALEM
STRETCHER MATCH
GRADER: DECEP


Note to both writers: I didn't read the commentary, and it isn't taken into account in gradings so eh. I still encourage you guys to write it in though - it can help with the vibe of the match.

Jared:

Word Count: 1,155, not including commentary

Frenchie, I appreciate that you attempted to start your match with a bit of mood setting; but I really feel like it's a bit lacking. Describe each character's intentions, paint a picture of how they portray their emotions at the start of the match. "Both wrestlers look at the hospital item located outside the squared-circle and right back at each other, seeing as one of them's going to end up there" doesn't exactly help me get hyped for this match, lol. I feel like you could benefit from working on your SPAG a bit because it really helps the flow of the match. I see you've been working on your description with things such as "the Chicago native wraps his beast-like arms around his punier opponent's mid-section." Smile do more of that. I actually enjoyed the start of your match, specifically the series of reversals which ended with Bradley gaining the upper hand; which makes sense. One thing I notice is that you tend to repeat details like the match stip. Redundancy can kill the flow of the match, for example: "The dirty eye-rake is in fact legal due to this match being a stretcher match, which has a no-disqualifications stipulation." You played both characters well, with Matt being a coward despite his size and Jared being cocky as always. The ending was great and cringeworthy, but again, it could have benifited with more description. You're definitely improving though. Try reading matches written by Rob, Kani, etc to get a better grasp of making your match flow better. You could also work on your selling a bit, tbh.

Matthew Bradley:

Word Count: 1,337 (I lol'd. If this was intentional, props to you. Funny)

Sunami, your description is pretty good. I have no complaints with the flow of the match; and your use of different phrases and terms to describe things really adds something to your post. It adds drama and separates it from a simple match play-by-play, if you get what I mean. The gurney hurricanrana was fucking brilliant; what a way to put your opponent over Funny. Characterization is also really good. Your descriptions of MB being baffled by Jared's endurance and your portrayal of Jared's vigor and cunning just makes your match enjoyable to read. I'm not sure how I feel about you making Jared spit in Bradley's face, however. While Jared may be a cocky son of a bitch, I don't think he'd resort to that just yet - he's facing someone new. I really like the mood of your post. Speed vs Power, Veteran vs Rookie. Jared ducking Bradley's chairshot is another thing I dislike a bit. He just got the life choked out of him and he still evades quickly? The ending was also nice, but like Frenchie, you could've sold it a bit more to show how nerve-racking the maneuver was. Overall, your post is an enjoyable and exciting read; and I look forward to seeing more of you.

Verdict: Sorry Frenchie, but this just has to go to Matthew Bradley. Your action was pretty equal, but the way Sunami described the spots in his match just gave him the edge on this one. Sunami, keep up the good work! Frenchie, don't be discouraged. As long as you have a desire to improve, you will. Just take into account the feedback given to you. Don't be troll-era Maestro..but I'm sure I don't have to tell you this anymore. Thanks for showing, guys.

JAMES KNIGHT VS. RUFUS DRIVER VS. THE GOOD DOCTOR
TRIPLE THREAT | LADDER MATCH
GRADER: NONE


RUFUS DRIVER WON BY DOUBLE NO-SHOW.

RILEY WILLIAMSON VS. JHALC
TABLES MATCH
GRADER: NONE


JHALC WINS DUE TO RILEY BEING A FILTHY CHEATER.

RAZOR XTREME VS. E.G. DEAL
AMBULANCE MATCH
GRADER: MYKE


E.G. Deal - I liked the small opening paragraph. Good way to set the match up. I wasn't liking the bell-ringing though. Even though it's an Ambulance Match, I still think the referee would have tried to separate the two wrestlers first. That just might be me though. Your first paragraph of action was nicely done. Great description and good action.

I had to re-read your first paragraph (not the opening) because I was confused when you said "into the ring". They never left the ring? Did you mean "onto the ring"? I'm lost at this point. Then Razor is going to ringside for weapons? Is he in or out? By you saying "into the ring", that's how I'm reading this post: that both men are out, when in actuality, they're not because you say E.G. exits later. (See how one word can affect a post? As the reader, you just caused me to think you were outside the ring when you weren't yet. That can ruin the flow of it.) How is a kendo stick extreme-looking? Lol. "connecting both of his waists together" - did you mean wrists? Regardless, ouch for the ending spot.

Try to space out your paragraphs better. To be honest, this third action paragraph seems to just be a filler.

Your fourth paragraph was alright. Not as good as your first two paragraphs, despite the silly errors.

Razor Xtreme - Your first paragraph was a good continuation. Nothing spectacular, but that's not necessarily needed. Same with the second paragraph. You're painting a good clear picture. Decent action in your third paragraph. Terrible ending. Why? Well... the way to win an Ambulance Match is to force the opponent into the back of an ambulance and close the doors. And in your ending, the spear does what? "smashing them [the doors] down easily off that missed spear!" So I'm reading that as... EG just broke through the STEEL doors. So EG and Razor are forever stuck in an Ambulance Match? I even had my girlfriend read it and tell me how she pictured it. She sees it the same way I do: Razor standing in front of the closed ambulance doors because it's not mentioned if they're closed or not, Razor dodging the spear and, based on your wording, EG spearing through the closed steel doors, smashing them inwards. It would be one thing if EG speared AGAINST them and possibly DENTED them, but you said "through".

Verdict - To be honest, slightly disappointed. You both had decent action, with EG having better action. You both had good description, but I know you both can do better. Even though EG had some mistakes that made it hard to read, I'm giving him the vote. Slightly better action and description, and Razor's ending just didn't make sense.

MINKARO VS. ACE ANDREWS
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE
GRADER: NONE


ACE ANDREWS WIN BY NO-SHOW.


Last edited by The Marvelous Myke Hunt on Wed Mar 11, 2015 9:50 am; edited 1 time in total
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Myke
Main Eventer
Myke

Posts : 4547
Join date : 2013-08-18
Age : 26

Vendetta #105 Grades Empty
PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #105 Grades   Vendetta #105 Grades EmptyWed Mar 11, 2015 10:38 am

Grades are out.

I asked Decep to vote because Abdel originally was, but his internet went out.
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Pygmy
The Downward Spiral
The Downward Spiral
Pygmy

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Join date : 2014-04-20
Age : 21

Vendetta #105 Grades Empty
PostSubject: Re: Vendetta #105 Grades   Vendetta #105 Grades EmptyThu Mar 12, 2015 9:13 am

#DecepForGM
Vendetta #105 Grades Jake-Gyllenhaal-Nightcrawler-GIF-pointing-laughing
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