It's a fine February afternoon in the parking lot of a local Walmart in Tallmadge, Ohio. The snow falls gently upon the concrete as four individuals sit dormant in a beat-up black Ford Explorer. The camera slowly closes in on them from the exterior of the vehicle, showing four fully grown men in glamorous sunglasses. Their mouths appear to be moving in excellent synchronization, much like a boy band. The camera angle changes to the interior of the vehicle, in the very back of the truck. Suddenly, music blares through the speakers as all four men sing intensely.
"I WANT YOUR LOVIN' AND I WANT YOUR REVENGE, YOU AND MEEEEEEEEE, COULD WRITE A BADDDDDDD ROMANCCE! WOAH-WOAH-WOAH!!!"
The four men continue to sing their hearts out, when one of the men in the backseat (the smallest of these particular Four Horsemen) pulls out a lighter and begins waving it back and forth. On a side note, a kitten is also seen in his lap looking absolutely terrified. The Englishmen next to him stares at him in an unorthodox fashion, clearly disturbed by the nature of his presence. Suddenly, the man whom sits in the front passenger seat's phone goes off.
"HOLLER IF YA HEAR ME"
The other men in the vehicle shake their heads in slight disapproval, as they turn down the music ever-so-slightly for the man, the myth, THE NATURAL, Mark Storey, to answer his cellular device.
"Big Poppa Pump here. Yeah? Really? Uh-huh. Okay. Yep. WAIIIIIIIIIIIIIT! Are you telling me that they have... No. Oh fuck no. Oh hell the fuck no. Guys, we gotta go inside. Some dickhole smashing is about to go down. Ace, drink your green tea and let's make like a baby."
Roach Cooper's face distorts momentarily as he pets his kitten and tries to get the joke... just then-
"...and head out?"
All three of the other men collaboratively laugh and exit the car, where Ace Acid- the driver, proceeds to over excessively lock the automobile over and over again.
"Um, Ace?" inquires the England-native Danny Diamond.
"Bro, shut up. I have my copy of *BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP* Breakdown 2011 in there, not going to let one of these little bastard children steal it."
The camera zooms out slightly, showing the CENSORED logo on the shirts of all four men. Their sunglasses gleam brilliantly against the cascade of sunlight upon the surface of the frozen parking lot. A cart-pusher passes by the posse, where it is quickly kicked over by the trolling Roach Cooper.
"WE'RE HERE TO FUCK SHIT UP! And chew bubble gum! And I'm all out of- Aw, fuck it. I still have like half of a pack left." Shouts the rambunctious, obnoxious star.
The four men stroll like a pack of badass wolves across the parking lot, as if the gods of absolute awesomeness were gracing them with their essence- who am I kidding, they ARE the gods of awesomeness. They enter the front door of the supercenter, and immediately spot two things.
A.) An 80 year-old door greeter.
B.) Subway
"Welcome to Wal-..." starts the greeter, before he's met by the swift end of Mark Storey's tattooed forearm, striking him swiftly in the jaw and knocking him into a Arthritis-infested heap on the ground. Chaos begins to break loose around the men as civilians panic in response to Storey's assault of an innocent elderly man. Next, the group approaches the front counter of Subway, where a petite Asian woman cowers in fear. Danny Diamond grabs a chair, and impales it through the glass window separating the four deviants and the small woman.
"YOU! MAKE! US! SUBS! YES?! COMPRENDE? Alright mate, let me put this in Chinese for you. Ahem. Wǒ tā mā de nǐ māmā, rúguǒ nǐ bù bǎ wǒmen de shípǐn zài wǔ fēnzhōng nèi zhǔnbèi hǎo!" Orders the maniacal Danny Diamond.
"Do you have any idea what you just said?..." Inquires the Mandarin-fluent Ace Acid
"Well, yeah mate. I told that bitch that we all wanted the Chicken Bacon Ranch..."
"That's not at all what you sai-"
"GUYS! Come on! We need to get to the fucking toy aisle, this is urgent, serious business." barks the ravenous Mark Storey, who heads through the clothing section, towards the toys.
All three men follow their fuming-with-intense-rage counterpart (Danny obviously upset that he didn't get his sub) with eager eyes. The toy aisle draws near, as the men pass through the jewelry section of the store. Suddenly, they're stopped by a man with a flashlight and a "MANAGER" tag. Before the individual can even say a word, he's met with a kick to the crotch from Ace Acid, who then tosses him nonchalantly through the glass jewelry case. They progress forwards... and rage ensues.[/b]
“You know, I didn’t fucking believe it on the phone, but there they are.” says a dishearted Mark Storey.
“What?” Acid replies with a perplexed look across his face.
“Fucking XWA merchandise...” Mark says as he makes his way to the hanging action figures. “Razor Xtreme...King Edge...”
“T.K., David Michaels, Hitman Alex...this is pathetic.” sighs a disappointed Diamond.
“FUCK THIS SHIT!” shouts Acid as he grabs some of the action figures, ripping them from the wall and throwing them down the aisle.
Roach Cooper reaches down to the bottom shelf, pulling the XWA replica toy ring and smashing it on the ground, stomping on it as if he was stomping on an opponent. Meanwhile, Mark pulls out a life-size cardboard cut-out of Hitman Alex, setting it up in the middle of the aisle.
“Anybody else think this guy looks awfully similar to me?” questions Storey.
“Nah man, not with those cool fucking sunglasses on.” ensures Acid, before removing said sunglasses from his face, his eyes widening as he stares down the aisle. “Guys. GUYS. Fucking CENSORED merchandise!”
The four men immediately drop what they are doing and head towards the CENSORED merchandise. Diamond is the first to speak, “Wow, we got a damn good deal with the people that make our action figures. Doesn’t look like cheap shit. Wait, what the fuck is the logo all blurry like that?”
“Never mind that shit! There’s a kid’s world championship replica! I’ve got a real one of those at home.” boasts Storey as he pulls the championship from its cardboard encasing.
“I’ve got four.” mentions Acid with a smug look on his face.
“FUCK YOU ACID!” shouts Storey as he pushes his friend across the aisle, knowing down some Pokémon-related memorabilia.
“OH MY GOOOSSSHHHHH!” a young, high-pitched voice says, garnering the four men’s attentions. A small child stands, wide-eyed looking up at the CENSORED buddies. “Hitman Alex! Can I get your autograph?!”
The look on Storey’s face is unexplainable, as immediately Acid and Diamond grab Storey, holding him back, as Roach pushes the child to the side, trying to contain an irate, shouting Mark. “I SWEAR TO FUCK! GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE! FUCKING LITTLE BRAT! YOU DON’T KNOW FUCKING SHIT! WATCH A REAL FUCKING PROMOTION LIKE CENSORED! YOU FUCK!”
“Calm down! Fuck him.” begs Acid.
“Only if I can get that magikarp cuddly toy. Will you buy me it, Jeff?” replies Mark to a laughing threesome, who let the former CENSORED world champion go. “I was fucking serious...”
"Aye, you chaps see this? They got a Precious Boob-Bobble," says Danny Diamond, as he looks at a modified head-bobble of his girlfriend Precious, which has shaking breasts instead of a shaking head.
Completely ignoring the Englishman, Roach shouts out, "WHAT THE SHIT IS THIS GAY?!" The guys all look over at what Roach is investigating, and they see PWI Magazine, with Razor Xtreme on the cover.
"He gets an action figure, AND gets to be on the cover of PWI Magazine?" Acid questions.
Storey grabs the magazine, and rips the front page off, before sticking it in his pants and rubbing it on his crotch. "Taste that Razor? That's pure grade-A MAS juices. My nut sweat just made this shitty picture of you worth a few mil more."
Roach looks over to the side, heading back towards the action figures. He looks around through the boxes, as Danny notices a section of Rubix Cubes, with his face in different colors on each square. "HA! Now this is bloody brilliant right here. You all see this?" Danny asks, continuing to be ignored by the rest of CENSORED. "...Wankers."
Giggles are heard coming from the side, as we see Roach Cooper playing with Roach Cooper and David Michaels action figures, having the Cooper figure repeatedly strike the Michaels figure. "Pow, pow, pow! Boom! Pele kick right to your shit!" Much-like Danny, Roach is ignored.
Danny puts down his Rubix Cube, and looks around some more, noticing a special new cereal, Golden Emeralds; the official cereal of XWA woman Emerald. He opens the box and pours some cereal into his palm, eating a bit, before spitting it back up. "What the bloody fuck is this shit? They might as well just have this Emerald chick shit in a box, and add milk." Danny tosses the cereal box to the side, inadvertently hitting Roach in the head; though this doesn't bother Cooper, whom simply continues playing with the action figures. It's rather amazing no security has shown up.
Ace and Storey, who've went back to looking at the Championship belts, notice a few XWA belts...
[b]Storey and Ace both bend down and pick up an XWA World Championship replica each. "Are you fucking shitting me? Seriously? Oi! Roach, Danny get your asses over here!" Storey calls out and the rest of CENSORED jog over.
"What's that?" Danny asks.
"The XWA World title belt I guess." Ace says before pointing at the front of it. "WHAT IS THAT?!" Ace screams about Razor Xtreme's name on the front of the belt.
"There's no place in the world for shit like this!" Storey yells loudly before ripping the plastic name plate off and throwing it on the ground.
Roach Cooper runs over and jumps up, dropping an elbow on the nameplate. Cooper spits down on it and picks up a garbage bin before tipping the contents over the name plate. Roach lays down on the belt and Ace Acid counts the three! "Yes!" Roach begins to celebrate as Storey places the title belt around his waist!
"Your new XWA World Replica Champion, this pugnacious pug, Roach Cooper!" Danny Diamond says in his best announcer voice while Roach continues to dance around.
The four men turn to leave and walk towards the exit. As they go through the doors, black smoke slaps them in the face. The car they had arrived in comes into view with flames burning above the roof. Lady GaGa's amazing music is slowing down and going deeper before the camera cuts back to the four of them. All eyes are on Roach who stares deep into the flames. "This is what we bring. We bring destruction. We bring decimation. XWA, can you ever be ready for us? We might not be able to say what we want. But you can't censor your fate. Death awaits you. This burning wreck is what you're quickly becoming. Once CENSORED arrive on the scene. You're done. That goes for all of you."
The camera turns and the kitten from earlier jumps out of the car, completely furless with smoke coming from its whiskers. Roach bends down and picks the kitten up before he and the rest of CENSORED leave the scene.
Subject: The Beginning of ... CENSORED 
