The 15 foot long chain stretches from the northwest corner to the southeast corner, with each woman at either end of it, their right wrists cuffed to their end of the chain. The referee in charge of this bedlam in the making stands center of the ring, having not yet signaled for the bell to ring as Laura Watts brings the microphone to her luscious lips for the final instructions.

Laura Watts
"Ladies and Gentleman, the rules for this Chain-O-Charms match are as follows. Attached to the chain via easy-break zip-ties are five weapons that will be available for the competitors to use at their discretion. In order to win this contest, one must tag the top buckle of all four corners consecutively ONCE during the match to be eligible to attempt a pin-fall, and pin-falls are the ONLY way to win the match. There will be no dqs and no count outs."

Ted Cedar
"Yep. This isn't gonna be your typical strap style match. Usually those are fought at close proximity. Not tonight. Due to the weapons.. excuse me... 'charms' being attached, XWA management has made the decision to make the chain a lot longer to compliment it, and to also allow the ladies more room to work with."

Joey Miles
"I like the easy break zip ties too. Women are naturally weaker than men, so it's a good thing they didn't use rope or industrial style zip ties to hold those weapons in place. It'd be frustrating to see these women fumble around just trying to get a single weapon loose."

Effy continues to dance around to a song heard only by her, seemingly unaffected by Laura's announcement. Across the ring, Wolverina's features contort into a perfect depiction of abhorrence and rage; one can almost see the steam rising from her ears like something out of a cartoon. With a sneer her arm rises, fingers gesturing in a come hither curl. Laura Watts complies instantly to Wolfie's unspoken command, depositing a microphone into the woman's outstretched hand. Unsure of where this is going, Laura presents a gracious smile and quickly exits the ring, leaving Wolfie to giver her utterances before commencing the slaughter.

Wolverina
"Effy, you better get your ass serious! I got with XWA's security team and spent the week pouring over the security camera footage from Vendetta to see who attacked me. Now the footage got real blurry and unviewable during the time I was attacked for some reason, but afterward I saw you not far from the scene dancing your little ass off while the medical crew were tending to me. I find that a mighty strange coincidence. I know you are the one who attacked me. After what I did to Lumber Jill, nobody in the women's division would be stupid enough to sneak attack me, except for a young and dumb rookie who doesn't know any better. You fit that description perfectly. You are the culprit and tonight I am going to hurt you real bad, then send you to the unemployment line right behind Lumber Jill. I hope your 15 minutes of fame were worth it."

That got the South Australian's attention. It doesn't matter if she is guilty or innocent, Wolverina has already sentenced her to death, and Effy will be damned if she's going to become a disfigured and disabled mess like Lumber Jill. As the People's Princess turns away to hand the mic off to the ring crew member, the Princess of Rave sees her chance and tears off across the mat as fast as her dancing legs will take her. Effy wields some of the excess chain into her hand, forming a chain belt of sorts, and lashes the unprepared Princess across the back with it. The Nebraskan yelps like an injured puppy and drops to a knee, clawing at her afflicted back. The bell finally rings to signal the start as a second and third crack of the chain explodes across the middle of her back and lower lumbar region, sending her prone and crawling. Although the Princess of Rave is a rookie, she has enough good sense to know it is vital to keep Wolverina grounded and unable to use her high octane offense, so she swiftly straddles her back and wraps some of the chain around her throat to close off oxygen to the brain. Wolfie's tongue protrudes from her mouth as Effy yanks up and back on the chain. The crowd jeers the tactics of the mad raver, but Effy retires herself into another song in her head, and begins to blow a big bubble with her gum while she waits for her opponent to pass out.

Ted Cedar
"What a cowardly way to start off this contest. But I guess when you are fresh out of wrestling school and thrown into the ring with the very best this business has to offer, you'll resort to anything to get a upper hand. And I wonder if she really is the one who attacked Wolverina?"

Joey Miles
"Haha this is fucking hilarious. Wolfie ran her mouth about Effy being a rookie, yet Wolfie is the one who made the rookie mistake by turning her back on her. Poetic justice I say. And I think Effy probably is the one who attacked her, and I don't blame her for doing so after Wolverina announced this kind of a match."

The People's Princess becomes light headed and darkness sets in on the fringes of her vision. NOT GOOD! The Nebraskan pulls at the chain around her throat, thinking her strength would be sufficient to get some wriggle room. Nope. Effy is also a strong girl, and Wolfie's venture proves fruitless. Alas, a beacon of freedom shines nearby. One of the "charms" on the chain is within reach and Wolverina grabs it, breaking the can of hair spray free from the zip-tie. The People's Princess expects the girl to release the hold in order to prevent her from using the "charm", but Effy's mind is aloof in yet another song and possibly another world. With panic setting in, Wolverina pops the lid and brings the can up, spraying wildly in the woman's direction. A burst of it engulfs the South Australian's mouth, nose, and eyes which sends her rolling away screaming bloody murder and grabbing at her pretty face. Wembeley Stadium erupts into cheers as the most popular woman in the industry rises to a stand coughing and freeing her neck but undoubtedly in the driver's seat now. Under other circumstances Wolfie would likely go for the four corner tags to get the eligibility requirement out of the way, but vengeance has clouded her judgement and she sets out toward the rookie with great fury written in every line of her body. She plucks Effy up and shoves her into the nearby corner, whereupon she drives a multitude of shoulder thrusts into her diaphragm. From there she switches gears and lobs a few hard European Uppercuts into her, using part of the chain as an assistant when delivering the last one. The Princess of Rave blacks out for a split second and collapses, only to quickly regain consciousnesses whilst being seated on the top buckle. Effy fires a few shots at her rival, but the legendary woman plows right through them and climbs to the middle buckle. In a instant, the South Australian finds herself being separated from the top buckle into a Military Press position, and despite her best effort to resist the inevitable, she is hurled through the air and lands sickeningly onto the mat, the ring rattling from the impact. The rookie sits up wailing loudly, her body stuck in a pose of pain, her face knotted into a mesh of wrinkles that lends testimony to the baptism of pain the debutante is going through in her first match ever.

The Modern Day Wonder Woman kneels behind her and uses her right arm to secure a chin lock, then employs her left hand to grab Effy's left hand. Wolfie forces her adversary to ball up a fist then makes her punch herself a few times. Uproarious laughter erupts from the stands and commentator table alike as Wolverina continues to humiliate the daring rookie. "What's wrong with you, Effy? Stop that! Stop punching yourself! STAHP! Hehe." The People's Princess releases her only to bend her over a knee. The Paragon of Virtue smiles at her worshipers and plays to them for a second before grabbing the raver's blue wrestling shorts and yanking them down a little, exposing some of her bare butt cheeks. Wolverina's hand comes thundering down against the pale flesh, eliciting a loud smack and plenty of praise from the audience. She continues the assault. "Don't!" *SMACK* "YOU! *SMACK* "Ever!" *SMACK* "ATTACK!" *SMACK* "ME!" *SMACK* "Again!" Wolfie swings her arm in a big windmill rotation before bringing down a huge butt punch to the rookie."BITCH!" The Nebraskan pushes her off and gives her a swift boot to the ribs as she rolls away pulling up her shorts. Wolfie thrusts her arms out in her trademark pose and delivers her she wolf howl, which is obviously returned to her 90,000 fold. Knowing she is in complete command now, the People's Princess runs the ropes behind her and steams off like a bat out of hell. Her pandering to the fans has betrayed her this time. Effy, having grabbed hold of a Kendo Stick and pulled it from the zip tie during Wolverina's basking in glory, twirls around and bashes the legend's consciousness away as the former Women's Champion draws nigh. The elastic arms catch the falling crowd favorite and pushes her back toward the newcomer. The self proclaimed Greatest Diva Who Ever Lived can hardly believe her luck and drops the stick before lofting the People's Princess across her shoulders in a Fireman's Carry position. She lifts Wolfie up and throws her forward, allowing the popular woman to fall face first toward the canvas as she drives her knee up, smashing her between the eyes. The Modern Day Wonder Woman goes limp before she touches the mat.

Ted Cedar
"The Party's Over for Wolverina! My sources at the training academy told me Effy has perfected that very move, and she just used it expertly. Wolfie is out!"

Joey Miles
"And she used that Kendo stick not a moment too soon. Effy is freaking hot; there's just something sexy about a woman who can turn me on and also kick my ass at the same time. She also knows how to work a stick"

Ted Cedar
"Okay shut it you."

The South Aussie pins Wolverina and hooks the leg. More than the normal three seconds it takes to win a match pass without Ryu doing what he is paid to do, which raises curiosity from the rookie. He advises her of the rules again, facts that Effy should have paid attention to during Laura Watt's instructions (instead of dancing around absent mindedly). She pops to a stand and urgently tags the first two turnbuckles without incident. As she heads for the third one, she looks back at her rival and smiles upon finding her still utterly motionless. Emboldened, the Princess of Rave starts pop and lock dancing the rest of the way to the third buckle, and tags it without being rebuffed by the legend she is pitted against. Upon making it to the last buckle, she does a dancing countdown, holding her unchained hand into the air and counting down from 5 to 1. At "1", however, she is tugged away from the objective by her awakened and desperate nemesis. A tug-of-war ensues with Effy just out of reach of the much needed last slap. No matter how much she pulls and strains, she is slowly moved away by the seated but incredibly strong Athletic Anomaly. The Paragon of Virtue makes it to one knee and Effy sees her chance to end it with her "Boma Ye" finisher. Wolfie's eyes grow big as saucers when the patella comes flying at her face, but she has enough wherewithal to duck out of its way. As the newcomer hits the ropes and stumbles back, the People's Princess is right there to nab her from behind and heaves her up and over with a MONSTROUS German Suplex. The South Australian "sells" it beautifully by bouncing upon impact and flopping prone, where she rests deadpanned and spread eagle. Wolife lies next to her, resting, the exertion having zapped her of energy. The fans clap, cheer, hoot and holler at the fight they are witnessing, giving both women proper respect. Eventually the Modern Day Wonder Woman stirs and decides to place vengeance on the back burner for now. Victory would be much better justice.

The former Women's Champion laboriously saunters to the first buckle and tags it. Little does she know, Effy is in hot pursuit behind her, but doesn't attack the clueless Nebraskan. Instead, she sneakily tags the first buckle as well. This happens again as Wolfie tags the second buckle. 90,000 voices in attendance scream at their super heroine to turn around. Millions at home watching this pay per view extravaganza jump up and down on their sofas yelling at Wolfie through their TVs while she tags the third buckle as does the rookie right behind her. It isn't until the People's Princess approaches the last remaining corner that a conniving little smile swims across Wolverina's cute countenance. It has been a ruse all along. The Nebraskan tags the last required buckle and instantly throws herself into a fancy back flip, bringing a Pele Kick toward her foe's head in a attempt to end the match in one big swoop. The Princess of Rave proves evasive and causes the plan to backfire by simply swaying back. When the Cutie Pie Cornhusker face-plants on the canvas, Effy Mushroom Stomps her whilst simultaneously tagging the last padded buckle as well. The two red lights on the titan tron that have both competitors names above them switch to green, indicating that both combatants are eligible for a pin attempt now. Knowing this, the newcomer ascends the top buckle and faces the inside of the ring, noticing that her veteran opponent has rolled supine conveniently in the flight path. Usually this would be last resort, but dueling with an icon like Wolfie makes you pull out all the stops, early and often. Effy does an ass wiggling dance, vacates her perch and twirls her body into a fantastic 450 rotation that awes the London fans. She lands hard and fast on a victimless canvas, Wolfie having rolled clear at the last nanosecond.

Ted Cedar
"Hot dayum what impact! Effy was looking to be the Party Crasher here tonight but wound up crashing her own party!"

Joey Miles
"I hope those aren't implant she has, because if so they just burst."

Ted Cedar
"Really? Is that the best you can come up with? How about some actual analysis for a change? Is tits-n-ass all you see?"

Joey Miles
"Ummm yeah? No? Not sure what my answer should be."

Ted Cedar
"Well what I see is a tough young rookie in a ton of pain right now, and a legend that is about to capitalize on it."

Ted speaks the truth. Wolverina has rolled to the outside of the ring and pulls the chain with her, letting it drop at her feet as her opponent is pulled with it. She stops Effy at the edge of the ring and grabs her head in a plum clinch, then drives a series of Muay Thai knees into her damaged sternum. Afterwards, she pulls her the rest of the way out and throws her on the black mats. The Nebraskan forgoes using the rest of the weapons on the chain and removes sections of the black mats, exposing the bare concrete floor that she will use to Piledrive Effy into the afterlife. She yanks up the youngster with authority and stuffs her head between her legs to activate her plan, but the 20 year old gets a sudden surge of strength and powers Wolfie up and over with a Back Body Drop. The rookie uncorks a primal scream before turning back and placing the former champion's head between her legs. She lifts her up into a Powerbomb position, turns toward the fans, and runs a few paces before ejecting the Nebraskan into the barricade. Steel remains undefeated against flesh. Wolfie's back is racked with pain and she crumbles to the floor looking comatose, while the barrier itself almost topples into the laps of ring side patrons. Some food and drinks spill over the rail onto Wolverina's dilapidated frame. The self titled Greatest Diva Who Ever Lived pulls her rival from the apparatus and covers her, hooking the leg nice and tight. Three seconds pass by, then five seconds with no report from Ryu. Effy smacks the floor three times to goad the referee into doing his damn job, only to find out she must return to the ring in order to pin. The Waikerie native gets up and is infuriated. Gone is the bubbly dancing girl. She is pissed. Twice now she has had the almighty Wolverina down and out for a three count, only to be denied by stupid rules. In lieu of doing as requested, she uses some of the chain to wrap around Wolfie's waist, then places the legend's right hand and arm behind her back and ties it there, effectively making the Modern Day Wonder Woman a one armed woman in this ass kicking contest.

Effy drags her nemesis up by the hair and tights and flings her entrapped arm and shoulder into the ring steps, causing a loud *CLANG* to reverberate around the arena. The fans cringe and gasp as the former Women's Champion bawls in pain. The Princess of Rave slings her into the ring and follows suit, but doesn't pin her. She brings Wolfie to a stand with her and secures her good arm, then drops fastly onto the mat, delivering a vicious Armbar DDT. Allowing her technical prowess to flourish at the expense of this lady of renown, Effy transitions right into a Fujiwara Armbar and cranks it on hard to the point that the back of Wolverina's hand is facing the rafters. The People's Princess yowls in unimaginable agony, almost on the verge of weeping. Actually, when the camera zooms into her scrunched up face, you can clearly see tears trying to force their way from the ducts of her oceanic eyes. All Wolfie can do is kick her legs hectically. Without use of her other limb, she hasn't a chance to escape and she knows it. The only thing left for her to do is pass out from the pain. "Admit it, Wolfie, I'm the Greatest Diva Who Ever Lived. Say it! I'll let you go and end this if you say it!" Such demands go unheeded until Effy applies even more pressure, then comes a reply. "You're.... y.. you're the greatest WANKING CUNT that ever lived!" Effy's jaw drops almost to the floor at the insult. So offended is she that she discards the hold and gains the full mount on her, then proceeds to give the prideful princess a good old fashioned fist pummeling followed by slamming the back of the woman's head into the mat repeatedly. The South Aussie rises to her vertical base still visibly upset over her misfortunes in the contest and the ridicule she just suffered from a defeated woman. Spotting a weapon on the chain, she goes to it, and this item is peculiar; definitely not one you'd expect to see in a wrestling ring. The handheld rotary portable peeler normally used for peeling potatoes and carrots is twisted off and plucked free from the chain by the curious rookie. Effy is perplexed about it. Is she supposed to bash Wolfie over the head with it or actually cut her?

Ted Cedar
Oh now who the hell did that? What sexist idiot in our creative department said 'hey guys, let's put a kitchen item on the chain, because they're chicks so it makes perfect sense'??? That weapon should not see the light of day inside a wrestling ring, extreme or not. I don't even think Effy knows how to use that thing at all, inside or outside a ring."

Joey Miles
"Ha! Whoever put that there has a sense of humor I think. This match may turn into a massacre real soon, Teddy O. "

Effy shrugs and walks over to the now seated and struggling Wolverina, and grabs her by the silky dark tresses. She yanks back on her head, so that the legend is looking up at her, then brings the item down onto the top of her forehead. Chef Eff grinds it in then pushes left to right, cutting into and peeling some of Wolverina's epidermis. Trickles of blood begin to cascade down into her eyes, then the streams get thicker as the pain intensifies. For the first time in forever, Wolverina is genuinely terrified. Distress channels adrenaline, and fear of death and serious bodily injury kicks Wolfie into survival mode. She uses her good arm aka her only arm, which itself is damaged, to reach up and grab hold of the hand holding the weapon. Using her superiority in strength, she begins to force the object away from her head. The mad raver counters by using both hands to push it back into place, but that doesn't work. Wolverina pushes it away yet again, the muscles in her arm bulging in high stress as though to burst through her skin at any moment. The Paragon of Virtue bellows a warrior's roar as she walks herself to a stand against the staggering odds and Effy's repeated knees to her back. The fans are in it as well, chanting her name and stomping and clapping. Being the ring veteran she is, the People's Princess is situationally aware and back pedals hard into the nearest corner with Effy in tow, breaking the rookie's claim over her and even knocking some of the air out of her. The cruel weapon falls to the outside as Wolfie stumbles from the corner and turns around, wiping the hemoglobin from her eyes. To her surprise, the double tough newcomer is charging right at her, chain and all. The Cutie Pie Cornhusker catches her with a theatrical one handed Sidewalk Slam that invokes an "OHH" from the on lookers. The former Women's Champion covers her and prays to God that it will be enough. Close, but no cigar as they say. Effy kicks out at two and a half. Wolverina blots out her frustration and grabs the youngster by the guzzle, giving her a good choking as she brings her to a stand with her. The People's Princess stares a death glare into her eyes and goes for a one handed Chokeslam, but the Princess of Rave reacts with a flurry of kicks to her rival's chain ensnared arm, thus freeing herself. She doubles Wolfie over with a gut punt then runs the ropes, but on her return trip Wolverina turns herself into a human missile and doles out a Spear so powerful that it rattles Effy's teeth. That should surely do it. Wolfie goes for another pin, the crowd involved as always.

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"Thr----AWWWW!"

Wolverina rolls off and lies there sharing in the crowd's disbelief. Who in the hell is this chick? A cyborg? The stunned crowd begin to admire the resiliency, and ramp up a "THIS IS AWESOME" *clapclapstompstompstomp* as the warriors stir. The Modern Day Wonder Woman fiddles with her chain trapped appendage, trying frantically to free it, although it would probably be useless at this point anyway given the abuse it has taken. She abandons her voyage upon spying Effy grabbing at the chain and breaking a weapon free. Wolfie tugs at her end of it and comes away with a weapon of her own, the fifth and final one, a miniature stop sign. You know, the kind a school crossing guard uses. Both stand at the same time and the crowd laughs vociferously at Effy's weapon. In her hand, much to her astonishment, is a 16 inches long by 7 inches round black in color dildo with thumbtacks and small bits of broken glass glued to it from the head to half down the shaft. The women suspend their battle to share in a universal look of "what in the actual f**k" is up with this. Oh well, it'll have to do says Effy to herself. She brings it up and gets into a battle stance, and Wolverina gets into a stance as well with her Stop sign acting as shield. The so called Greatest Diva Who Ever Lived storms toward the Nebraskan. The crafty veteran holds the Stop sign out in front of her and yells "STOP!". For some inexplicable reason, Effy obeys the traffic enforcement device despite not being in a automobile nor being on a roadway and halts in mid jog. Laughter ensues at the comedic spot and only gets louder when Wolfie boinks her on the head with it like Jerry did Tom so many times on Saturday morning cartoons. The South Aussie drops to a knee and rubs her head, but avoids the next blow by swinging her deadly phallus into her nemesis's bread basket, then against her face. The Athletic Anomaly backs away smartly with the "shield" up, and the two begin to circle each other again, the crowd drumming up a "OOOOHHHH" as they ready for the big clash. The ladies carefully clamber over the chain at their feet, and Effy makes some unintentional sexual movements by thrusting at Wolfie with the sex toy turned weapon at waist level. It's merely to gauge her opponent's defenses, but the menfolk think otherwise. The People's Princess moves the stop sign turned shield up and down and back and forth to hold her attacker at bay. Finally, the two have had enough and dash at one another, the fans roaring "YEEEAH" for the climax. Without warning, Wolverina hurls the stop sign like a frisbee at the youngster's mandible. The maneuver is something Effy wasn't expecting (who would?) and she winds up eating it - LITERALLY - eating it. The 20 year old hits the mat and grabs her mouth, eyes turning misty. Small streams of crimson begin to seep through her fingers from the split lip she now has and drip-drops on the canvas as she tries to get back up. Being the good Christian girl that she is, Wolfie helps her up and loops her arm around her head, then guides her over to the stop sign laying on the mat. Jake "The Snake" Roberts is about to smile. Wolfie throws up a quick dedication to Memaw Millie but is abruptly lifted up and over by a body jarring Northern Lights Suplex that comes out of nowhere. Effy bridges it into a pin and comes so very close to the ever elusive three count, but somehow the Athletic Anomaly bucks free at the 11th hour.

Ted Cedar
"Holy.. oh my God how did she kick out of that? How did Effy even have it in her to deliver that counter? How these two are standing is beyond me."

Joey Miles
They are warrior women, Ted. Nothing sexier than two girls duking it out bloody and all. Leave the pillows at home, ladies, this is what it is all about."

Ted Cedar
"We can agree on that, for sure. And I tell ya what, folks, I'm never gonna play frisbee with Wolverina."

Effy doesn't skip a beat and hastily drags the battered lady up into the beginnings of her "Total Social Suicide" Rock Bottom type finisher. She's battle fatigued, but still does a provocative dance while whispering "Please just stay down this time, girl, jeez" into her ear. And them are fighting words, as the old saying goes. Wolverina deploys one of the oldest tactics in the book, a stomp on the foot, and breast bumps the rookie away from her. Having created just enough distance, Wolverina relieves her pedal extremity from the marching surface and shuttles it into the girl's jawline with phenomenal speed and precision, and it impacts with power and authority like the fiery finger of God when he obliterated Sodom and Gomorrah. Effy's body stiffens upright, her face contorts into an unnatural fixture, and her chewing gum that somehow stayed in the entire match goes flying into the crowd as she falls to the mat unconscious. The famous "Kick In The Teeth" has struck again and 90,000 strong blow the roof off Wembeley Stadium as Wolfie collapses in a heap atop her foe. She tries to hook a leg with the only arm she has available, but just doesn't have the requisite strength anymore. She had put everything into the kick.

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!!!!"

DING! DING! DING!

"Kick in the Teeth" by Papa Roach plays as Wolverina is announced the winner of the match. She listlessly rolls off and has her only free arm raised in victory. Ryu goes about trying to free her trapped arm as medics swarm the scene to check on both bloodied and beaten to a pulp ladies.

Ted Cedar
"What a donny brook we had tonight. That was a war. We saw Kendo sticks, hair spray, a rotary peeler, a stop sign and a damn thumbtack clad massive dildo. I dunno what the hell else we could have put on that chain. I think we covered all the bases with it. We also witnessed the birth of a legend in the making. Effy is the real deal. Under different circumstances, she would have beaten Wolverina not one but twice, and she displayed true grit and brilliant ability, but as fate would have it Wolverina persevered and won."

Joey Miles
"I could go on and on about how bad ass Effy is. She won me over tonight. But how about Wolverina being the first one armed woman to win an ass kicking contest? When Effy put her in that predicament I thought there was no way even the People's Princess could prevail, but she did. These two won London over tonight, and my hat goes off to these women... as does my load *giggles*"

Ted Cedar
"Oh real classy, Joey, way to end a rather eloquent analysis."

End Match.